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Author Topic: The Dialysis Patient Games  (Read 38343 times)
jbeany
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Cattitude
« Reply #25 on: March 24, 2008, 09:55:19 PM »
I've got a new one!

Site Holding Competition - an endurance contest to see who can hold their bleeding needle site the longest without it stopping.  My new record, from yesterday - 56 minutes!
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"Asbestos Gelos"  (As-bes-tos yay-lohs) Greek. Literally, "fireproof laughter".  A term used by Homer for invincible laughter in the face of death and mortality.
mikey07840
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Her royal highness Queen Ruth on her throne, RIP
« Reply #26 on: March 24, 2008, 10:27:59 PM »
I read this thread again tonight.

Thank you to all for something that made me laugh outloud. I needed to laugh today.
 :clap; :clap; :clap; :clap; :clap;

Mike  :usaflag;
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06/85 Diagnosed with type 1 Diabetes
10/04 Radical Nephrectomy (Kidney Cancer or renal cell carcinoma)
02/08 Started Hemodialysis
04/08 Started Peritoneal Dialysis (CAPD)
05/08 Started CCPD (my cycler: The little box of alarms)
07/09 AV Fistula and Permacath added, PD catheter removed. PD discontinued and Hemodialysis resumed
08/09 AV Fistula redone higher up on arm, first one did not work
07/11 Mass found on remaining kidney
08/11 Radical Nephrectomy, confirmed that mass was renal cell carcinoma
12/12 Whipple, mass on pancreas confirmed as renal cell carcinoma

• Don't Knock on Death's door; Ring the bell and run away. Death hates that.

• I'm not a complete Idiot -- some parts are missing.
Jess21
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« Reply #27 on: July 04, 2008, 07:30:09 PM »
I thought of a few..
like the lowest blood pressure one, Lowest Standing Blood Pressure Award- Who can have the lowest BP while standing? (passing out patients are disqualified).
I got 57/19 supposedly today!   :sir ken;
Biggest Epogen Shot- Who can get the most epo in a day?  In a week?  The smallest?
The WHAT?!?!? Award- Who can make the techs repeat themselves the most?
The Alarm Award- Who can get the machine to beep the most?  Intentionally bending/clamping lines not allowed.
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Hospitalized w/ renal failure- Nov. 2007
Diagnosed w/ ESRD w/ unknown cause- Jan 2008
Lower arm AV Fistula created- March 2008
On IL transplant list- Oct. 8th, 2008
On WI transplant list- June 25th, 2009
Pediatric 2 kidney transplant- July 6th, 2009 (3/6 antigen match)
monrein
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Might as well smile
« Reply #28 on: July 04, 2008, 08:08:06 PM »
These are truly fantastic.  I just saw this thread for the first time and had some really good laughs.

Any more out there?
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Pyelonephritis (began at 8 mos old)
Home haemo 1980-1985 (self-cannulated with 15 gauge sharps)
Cadaveric transplant 1985
New upper-arm fistula April 2008
Uldall-Cook catheter inserted May 2008
Haemo-dialysis, self care unit June 2008
(2 1/2 hours X 5 weekly)
Self-cannulated, 15 gauge blunts, buttonholes.
Living donor transplant (sister-in law Kathy) Feb. 2009
First failed kidney transplant removed Apr.  2009
Second trx doing great so far...all lab values in normal ranges
Robby712
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« Reply #29 on: July 05, 2008, 12:26:11 PM »
How about the Lowest Standing BP while still talking the tech into letting you go home award

I think it's self explanitory.  ;D
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lola
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I can fly!!!
« Reply #30 on: July 05, 2008, 12:30:25 PM »
How about longest left on machine after stop time. or biggest bruise left by tech.
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Jess21
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« Reply #31 on: July 05, 2008, 04:30:49 PM »
Quote from: Robby712 on July 05, 2008, 12:26:11 PM
How about the Lowest Standing BP while still talking the tech into letting you go home award

I think it's self explanitory.  ;D
but I'm not dizzy, I SWEAR!!!!
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Hospitalized w/ renal failure- Nov. 2007
Diagnosed w/ ESRD w/ unknown cause- Jan 2008
Lower arm AV Fistula created- March 2008
On IL transplant list- Oct. 8th, 2008
On WI transplant list- June 25th, 2009
Pediatric 2 kidney transplant- July 6th, 2009 (3/6 antigen match)
twirl
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« Reply #32 on: July 05, 2008, 04:44:48 PM »
lowest BP and got to go home    bottom was 25
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twirl
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« Reply #33 on: July 05, 2008, 04:51:58 PM »
Who makes the mean nep doc yell the loudest?
me------ I told him I was not going to have a parathyroid surgery.
Who loves the mean nep doc the most?    me again, as I told him everyday I was drugged up at the hospital
Who is the patient with the most fluid?   me again, last week when the water facuet broke and sprayed all over me
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Robby712
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« Reply #34 on: July 05, 2008, 10:54:41 PM »
Quote from: Jess21 on July 05, 2008, 04:30:49 PM
Quote from: Robby712 on July 05, 2008, 12:26:11 PM
How about the Lowest Standing BP while still talking the tech into letting you go home award

I think it's self explanitory.  ;D
but I'm not dizzy, I SWEAR!!!!

What I'm saying:  "No, I feel totally fine, that can't be right.  Maybe it's a bad cuff"

What I'm thinking:  "You better make a call one way or the other and let me sit down soon because I'm feelin' wobbly and this is gonna get ugly"

75/35 was my best con job...
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Kitsune
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Sometimes the dragon wins.
« Reply #35 on: July 17, 2008, 02:12:39 PM »
You forgot:

The "You Should Be Grateful" Game: This is the one where the bitchy worthless obese tech who hates her job reminds you of how lucky you are she deigns to dialyze you, and tries to make you thank her for doing as little as she can without losing her job. Ecxtra points if you can pull her away from her copy of Star or The Enquirer.

The "Aren't You So Glad To Be Alive?" Game: This one requires you to sit there and listen to the social worker's written spiel she has to give to everyone about how much of a blessing dialysis is and how lucky you are to be alive. Extra points if she mentions religion.

The "Bed Pan" Game: This one requires you to fill up as many bedpans with vomit as possible in four hours. Extra points for projectile.

The "You Don't Pee, You're Not Allowed To Drink" Game: This one is only for those who don't urinate. See how many times you can get this response when you ask for a cup of water.
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"Run your mouth when I'm not around
It's easy to achieve
You cry to weak friends that sympathize
Can you hear the violins playing your song?
Those same friends tell me your every word"- Pantera "Walk" (1991)
twirl
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« Reply #36 on: July 17, 2008, 02:51:12 PM »
WHAT DO I DO NOW GAME
 
the slowest tech brings you ice finally, only problem - she has a big mouth full of ice and your cup is 1/3 full
she is smiling and eating ice

what do I do now

I ignored it and just sat the cup down and never touched it
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Robby712
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« Reply #37 on: July 17, 2008, 11:05:11 PM »
The "Tainted Heparin" Award.

Who can receive the most units of tainted heparin without ending up in the ER?
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okarol
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« Reply #38 on: July 20, 2008, 09:19:47 PM »

"How many ice cubes can you toss at the tech before they notice?" game.
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Admin for IHateDialysis 2008 - 2014, retired.
Jenna is our daughter, bad bladder damaged her kidneys.
Was on in-center hemodialysis 2003-2007.
7 yr transplant lost due to rejection.
She did PD Sept. 2013 - July 2017
Found a swap living donor using social media, friends, family.
New kidney in a paired donation swap July 26, 2017.
Her story ---> https://www.facebook.com/WantedKidneyDonor
Please watch her video: http://youtu.be/D9ZuVJ_s80Y
Living Donors Rock! http://www.livingdonorsonline.org -
News video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J-7KvgQDWpU
okarol
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« Reply #39 on: September 10, 2008, 04:06:45 PM »


Longest Sustained Cramp Competition: Points for longest cramping during dialysis. Bonus points for getting a tech to rub it.
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Admin for IHateDialysis 2008 - 2014, retired.
Jenna is our daughter, bad bladder damaged her kidneys.
Was on in-center hemodialysis 2003-2007.
7 yr transplant lost due to rejection.
She did PD Sept. 2013 - July 2017
Found a swap living donor using social media, friends, family.
New kidney in a paired donation swap July 26, 2017.
Her story ---> https://www.facebook.com/WantedKidneyDonor
Please watch her video: http://youtu.be/D9ZuVJ_s80Y
Living Donors Rock! http://www.livingdonorsonline.org -
News video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J-7KvgQDWpU
Wallyz
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« Reply #40 on: September 11, 2008, 10:48:05 AM »
Extra bonus if its the hottie single tech.
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kitkatz
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« Reply #41 on: September 11, 2008, 07:28:11 PM »
Let's see how many nicknames the techs can call you.  I have been called Teach, now I am called Nanny.  There is a story there, somewhere!
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lifenotonthelist.com

Ivanova: "Old Egyptian blessing: May God stand between you and harm in all the empty places you must walk." Babylon 5

Remember your present situation is not your final destination.

Take it one day, one hour, one minute, one second at a time.

"If we don't find a way out of this soon, I'm gonna lose it. Lose it... It means go crazy, nuts, insane, bonzo, no longer in possession of ones faculties, three fries short of a Happy Meal, wacko!" Jack O'Neill - SG-1
okarol
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« Reply #42 on: March 14, 2009, 10:51:39 AM »


The appointment reschedule challenge: Winner successfully moves their appointment time on the first attempt.

The dry weight face-off: Winner must challenge the fluid removal number and convince the tech to change it without calling the charge nurse.
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Admin for IHateDialysis 2008 - 2014, retired.
Jenna is our daughter, bad bladder damaged her kidneys.
Was on in-center hemodialysis 2003-2007.
7 yr transplant lost due to rejection.
She did PD Sept. 2013 - July 2017
Found a swap living donor using social media, friends, family.
New kidney in a paired donation swap July 26, 2017.
Her story ---> https://www.facebook.com/WantedKidneyDonor
Please watch her video: http://youtu.be/D9ZuVJ_s80Y
Living Donors Rock! http://www.livingdonorsonline.org -
News video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J-7KvgQDWpU
okarol
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« Reply #43 on: February 22, 2010, 08:49:31 PM »

Bumping this up in honor of the Olympic games  :bump;
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Admin for IHateDialysis 2008 - 2014, retired.
Jenna is our daughter, bad bladder damaged her kidneys.
Was on in-center hemodialysis 2003-2007.
7 yr transplant lost due to rejection.
She did PD Sept. 2013 - July 2017
Found a swap living donor using social media, friends, family.
New kidney in a paired donation swap July 26, 2017.
Her story ---> https://www.facebook.com/WantedKidneyDonor
Please watch her video: http://youtu.be/D9ZuVJ_s80Y
Living Donors Rock! http://www.livingdonorsonline.org -
News video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J-7KvgQDWpU
okarol
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Photo is Jenna - after Disneyland - 1988

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« Reply #44 on: May 07, 2010, 08:44:30 PM »

Patient vs Dietician Kidney Friendly Bake-off Competition: Best tasting renal friendly meal wins.



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Admin for IHateDialysis 2008 - 2014, retired.
Jenna is our daughter, bad bladder damaged her kidneys.
Was on in-center hemodialysis 2003-2007.
7 yr transplant lost due to rejection.
She did PD Sept. 2013 - July 2017
Found a swap living donor using social media, friends, family.
New kidney in a paired donation swap July 26, 2017.
Her story ---> https://www.facebook.com/WantedKidneyDonor
Please watch her video: http://youtu.be/D9ZuVJ_s80Y
Living Donors Rock! http://www.livingdonorsonline.org -
News video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J-7KvgQDWpU
Henry P Snicklesnorter
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« Reply #45 on: May 19, 2010, 05:06:53 PM »


.
« Last Edit: October 23, 2013, 06:52:20 PM by Henry P Snicklesnorter » Logged
peleroja
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I have 16 hats, all the same style!
« Reply #46 on: May 20, 2010, 11:03:30 AM »
Longest Without Binders The person who has managed their phosphorus the longest without binders

I think I'd win this one!
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okarol
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« Reply #47 on: March 27, 2011, 12:07:18 AM »
 :bump;  ;D
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Admin for IHateDialysis 2008 - 2014, retired.
Jenna is our daughter, bad bladder damaged her kidneys.
Was on in-center hemodialysis 2003-2007.
7 yr transplant lost due to rejection.
She did PD Sept. 2013 - July 2017
Found a swap living donor using social media, friends, family.
New kidney in a paired donation swap July 26, 2017.
Her story ---> https://www.facebook.com/WantedKidneyDonor
Please watch her video: http://youtu.be/D9ZuVJ_s80Y
Living Donors Rock! http://www.livingdonorsonline.org -
News video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J-7KvgQDWpU
Adam_W
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Me with Baron von Fresenius
« Reply #48 on: July 31, 2011, 09:15:53 PM »
Quote from: peleroja on May 20, 2010, 11:03:30 AM
Longest Without Binders The person who has managed their phosphorus the longest without binders

I think I'd win this one!

I went three years without binders.
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-Diagnosed with ESRD (born with one kidney, hypertension killed it) Jan 21st, 2007
-Started dialysis four days later in hospital (Baxter 1550-I think, then Gambro Phoenix)
-Started in-centre dialysis Feb 6th 2007 (Fres. 2008H)
-Started home hemo June 5th 2007 (NxStage/Pureflow)
-PD catheter placed June 6th 2008 (Bye bye NxStage, at least for now)
-Started CAPD July 4th, 2008
-PD catheter removed Dec 2, 2008-PD just wouldn't work, so I'm back on NxStage
-Kidney function improved enough to go off dialysis, Feb. 2011!!!!!
-Back on dialysis (still NxStage) July 2011 :(
-In-centre self-care dialysis March 2012 (Fresenius 2008K)
-Not on transplant list yet.


"Don't live for dialysis, use dialysis to LIVE"
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