Here goes: what I don't want to know

[carson]

This is my first real post. I joined this forum to rant, primarily, but I do have many questions that I'm afraid to know the answers to.

I've been on PD for 10 yrs. I don't know for sure but I don't think it's working quite as well as it should.  I suspect Hemo is inevitable and I"m trying to face that fact but here's the BIG, and I mean VERY BIG, problem: I have an EXTREME PHOBIA of Needles. I can't look at them, I can't think about them. In fact, just reading the post about pulling your own needles almost made me faint. I could only read a few posts before I thought I was going to vomit.

I don't know what to do. I know I"m going to need this one day and I can't deal with it. Just thinking about it makes me cry.

Has anyone ever been in this boat? How do you deal with it? How do you do it yourself? If I have to go on hemo, I certainly want to do it at home so I can have a life during the day and dialyse at night. This really sucks!!

[jbeany]

Carson, being needle phobic is not unusual, nor does it have to be permanent!

I've said it before on here, but the trick to overcoming a phobia is gradual desensitization.  If you went to a therapist to help you overcome a phobia about spiders, the therapist would start by talking about spiders with you, then have you read something about spiders, then perhaps showing you a toy spider, then pictures of real spiders, then finally a real spider.  This would be done over a long period of time, so that you become comfortable with each new step. 

You can do the same process yourself with needles.  Start with something small and work up.  Ask a nurse or a diabetic friend for one of the tiny needles they use for insulin.  Leave it sitting out in sight at home.  Work up to uncapping it, perhaps test injecting it into an orange.  Work up to a handling a bigger needle.  Practice watching more and more of the process when they draw your blood for lab work.

When I knew I had to start hemo, and I was still pretty squeamish about the large needles they use for it, I watched the video on the web of our member Bill Peckham doing his own needles for his home dialysis.  I had a really hard time watching at first, but I just kept playing more and more of it until I was used to it.  I was still a bit faint when it came time for my own dialysis sessions, but I was certainly better prepared than I had been. 

[goofynina]

I think hypnosis might be good for you as well, i have seen it on T.V. and after a session, there is no more of the phobia's that each person had wished to be cured of,  just a thought.  Good luck to you and keep us posted, k

[jedimaster]

I don't think there is anybody who likes to either talk or use needles. Unfortunately needles are part of dialysis if you do home hemo, which requires one to self needle. Talk to your doctor about your fear, that way you can develop a strategy to start dealing with the phobia sooner than later. I was horrified about the idea of self needling, but thanks to a great group of doctors and a super compasionate nurse (my teacher) we went from horror to reality. I have been on home hemo for 7 months now...I still HATE hemodialysis and feel is a medieval solution, but it KEEPS ME ALIVE and gives me the opportunity to enjoy my family and friends.

It is hard, no doubt, but you can always come here for support. We are here for you, every step of the way!

[goofynina]

Excellent post Jedimaster,  and yes, we are always here for you 

[Ohio Buckeye]

I'm with you Carson.
I'm on PD and cannot even think about going on hemo one day.
Hope doing PD keeps working for you.

[angela515]

I hope you can work past the needle fear, if not and you have to go on hemo, there is always in-center where you don't have to do it yourself.