trying to be up but SOOOO down today!

[WishIKnew]

I'm trying so hard, really I am.  But today I'm so down - I feel like all of this effort is just postponing the inevitable.....

I'm in the middle of trying to get listed at a different transplant center which has a MUCH shorter wait time.  I was there all day last Tuesday and have several tests I need to get to update my file.  I also must loose 20 pounds to get listed at this center.  I had my yearly check up at my first center last Friday and all is well there, just an exhausting day.  I will remain listed there, but transfer my wait time to the new center (if approved).  It's all a lot of hoops and effort and I just get so tired.  I think I need to do this because dialysis life HAS to end for me and for my family!

I've been sick - two bouts of peritonitis in the last month.  One hospital stay, which I HATE!!!!   It's so hard on my family!

I HATE the new cycler machine (Fresenius).  It's loud and alarms all night long....  My husband has quit sleeping in out bed because of the new machine...  but, after much discussion including a home visit from the sales rep, I have no choice but to deal with it.  Which I'm doing, but not very gracefully, obviously. LOL!  I miss my steady Eddy Baxter pal which has kept me "healthy" and infection free for 3 and a half years!!!!!

And the financial chaos is overwhelming.  We are in the paperwork stages of the bankruptcy.  I handle it ALL!    It's daunting but necessary and with me being sick I'm way behind on what needs to be done to move things forward.  My not getting to things early enough cost us over $1,000 this month.   Financial limbo is a hard place to be.  No peace.  (I toss and turn at night and, it seems, when I finally drift off the DAM machine alarms!)  A thousand questions and very few answers.  I know, in time, this will all be settled, but today.....

The forclosure is an issue I have not even visited.  We are not paying the  house payment and I KNOW I must contact to mortgage company, but it's so far down on my list of things to do.....   And I don't have the mental energy to put the pieces all together.

We have called about and visited a few rental homes....again, emotionally exhausting....

I try to pack 5 boxes a day because I know that's the only way I can help with the impending move, a little at a time....

Overwhelmed!

[Tracy]

OHMYGOSH!  You are under so much stress.  I don't know how you do it and I am not sure I have any help to give you, but to let you know that God is with you and to try and give your problems to Him.  Oh my.  By yourself you cannot handle all of this.

God be with you and your family!

Tracy 

[WishIKnew]

Thanks Tracy for your support.  I'm so desperate for words of encouragement right now.  I REALLY appreciate your thoughts and prayers!!!!!  I saw Soul Surfer last weekend and it remended me that "with God all things are possible."  Well all things seem to be happening right now so God is the only one who can get us through all of these things!  Right?

[woodsman]

I don't know about god but keep pushing forward and make it your goal to get things done that may spare you the house. Try a attorney and ask about bankruptcy and see if there is a way to keep your home. having a place to live is your main goal. Ask the bank also for some time or may be a refinance, an extension don't give up trying to save what you have.
You need to fight your butt off and don't be afraid to ask a local church, charity whatever to help out. I can only imagine what you are going through and i can see myself there one day soon if all does not go well but i do wish you the best and we are here for you.

[cariad]

Diane, I am so sad that you have to go through all of this financial stress, as if dialysis were not stressful enough for most people!

I do not know much about bankruptcy, but I do know that many bankruptcies are declared in an effort to keep the home, not go through the double trauma of a bankruptcy and foreclosure.

My husband and I do not have great luck with finances it seems, but we have paid down a significant portion of debt in our lives (we were totally debt free at one point, but that did not last thanks to the financial meltdown) and so have some experience with tackling these problems. Firstly, while we are fortunate to never have missed a mortgage payment, I have heard repeatedly that banks will not even talk to you until you are 3-6 months behind. There is a very narrow window to negotiate, please make this a priority and see if there is any hope of keeping the home, unless you feel that you would be better off just having done with it and moving on. Regardless, even if you want foreclosure, call them because you can negotiate for moving expenses - you could get a few thousand paid to you to move out voluntarily since it can cost them a small fortune should you make them come after you and throw all of your belongings on the street.

Gathering the mental energy is a huge obstacle, but once you begin, you will not only feel a weight lifting from you, but you may find you get a rush of productivity and are able to face other issues in your life more easily. At least that's what happens with me. Please set a time for yourself to start this process, and stick to it. It will help you make the best out of a sad situation. You will be amazed at your own strength if you just can take that first step!

Good luck and hugs. 

[woodsman]

Diane, I am so sad that you have to go through all of this financial stress, as if dialysis were not stressful enough for most people!

I do not know much about bankruptcy, but I do know that many bankruptcies are declared in an effort to keep the home, not go through the double trauma of a bankruptcy and foreclosure.

My husband and I do not have great luck with finances it seems, but we have paid down a significant portion of debt in our lives (we were totally debt free at one point, but that did not last thanks to the financial meltdown) and so have some experience with tackling these problems. Firstly, while we are fortunate to never have missed a mortgage payment, I have heard repeatedly that banks will not even talk to you until you are 3-6 months behind. There is a very narrow window to negotiate, please make this a priority and see if there is any hope of keeping the home, unless you feel that you would be better off just having done with it and moving on. Regardless, even if you want foreclosure, call them because you can negotiate for moving expenses - you could get a few thousand paid to you to move out voluntarily since it can cost them a small fortune should you make them come after you and throw all of your belongings on the street.

Gathering the mental energy is a huge obstacle, but once you begin, you will not only feel a weight lifting from you, but you may find you get a rush of productivity and are able to face other issues in your life more easily. At least that's what happens with me. Please set a time for yourself to start this process, and stick to it. It will help you make the best out of a sad situation. You will be amazed at your own strength if you just can take that first step!Good luck and hugs. 

so very well said...

[carol1987]

 
Hang in there!!!

[boswife]

Wish i had words to help you out, but i do send blessings for strength and encouragement and confidence that all will be well again.      My prayers are with you for comfort..   

[Jean]

If you live in the US, I would not worry too much about packing. There are so many homes being foreclosed on, it would take nearly a year for them to get around to you. Cariad has the best advice.But, I would contact the mortgage people right away and see if you can get a refinance. My daughter got one, and her house payments were cut in half, and her mortgage insurance and taxes are also included in the payment and they weren't before. You just have to nag, yell and scream at the bankers.

[phyl1215]

I really have no other advise than you have already been given.  Here's a big  and wishing you well.  Your a strong woman and you will make it through this, keep the faith.

[willowtreewren]

I haven't said anything yet, because I don't really know WHAT to say that can be of help besides the wonderful advice you have gotten from others.

So I just want you to know that I am thinking about you.
 
 

Aleta

[jbeany]

 

[Sax-O-Trix]

I hope you are able to get this all straightened out soon.  Hang in there

[kitkatz]

Hang in there. Things will work out eventually.  I hope the transplant center will work things out quickly.

[Poppylicious]

Oh, this all sounds terribly frustrating, exhausting and horrendous.  You poor thing.  I can't offer any advice, but think there's some good stuff up there (*points upwards at clever people who know what they're talking about*) that perhaps might help you. 

*huggles*

[WishIKnew]

Having a good day today.  We are having a huge yard sale in in two weeks and my son and I are working in his bedroom.  He's 13 and ready to part with many of his kid toys and books so we are getting a lot done!  It feels productive and I need that!  Plus, I love my kid's company!


Your support means SO much to me!!!!!

[kristina]

I do hope that everything can be sorted out

and I wish you all the best, Kristina. 

[willowtreewren]

One day at a time. 

Just make it though one day at a time.

 

{{{{hugs}}}}

Aleta