husbnd's a bad boy (again)

[Cordelia]

I'm so sorry for your loss

[karrye]

What is it with the men on here?  Do they think they are invincible or something? Geesh!!  Lee is extremely religious in taking his meds (and after this last bout of 'dementia' a bit over zealous!) and making ALL doctor apts, but not so religious as to follow all the guidelines on eating and 'exercising' his maturing fistula!

I finally got me a notepad I keep in my purse and I keep details on his meds and doctor apts.  This way, I KNOW what is coming up in case Lee goes off the deep end again.

I understand the frustration and I can't believe him not going into dialysis for his session!  I would be having purple dragons flying out my....ummm...well think on it everyone!

Anyway, one minute at a time and go from there Texasstyle.  I am there rooting for you.

[RichardMEL]

whoa! not all men are created equal. Many are giants compared to me!!! 

[carla13]

Speaking from a female dialysis patient's point of view, when I was on Haemo, I often sat in the waiting room at the local centre listening to the men talk about how much they had drunk the previous weekend, how few of their tablets they had taken, and how much junk they had eaten, and I'm sorry Richard it was usually ONLY men who talked like this.

The selfishness of this never ceases to amaze me. Not only are your family worried about you because you are ill, but you then put extra stress and strain in their lives by not stepping up and dealing with that illness. I have no idea what you can do about this texasstyle, especially as you are grieving right now.  I feel so deeply for you and can only guess at your frustration and helplessness.

sending hugs, it's not practical help, but hopefully the support you receive on here alleviates it a little...

xx

[RichardMEL]

Carla - it's OK - in one of the few threads about various "wayward" males I commented that it did seem to only be the males that acted this way (at least that we've heard of on here anyway - I am sure there are the odd women who are similar, but maybe we don't hear about them because mostly it's female partners/caregivers/spouses that post on here... indeed come to think of it is anyone on here a male caregiver for a female on dialysis?).

I too find it puzzling as to why there would be these people who so blatantly abuse themselves, and affect not only them badly, but those that they love. Since I'm not in that boat myself, it's just an attitude I can't fathom.

I have thought maybe it is something to do with a bit of rebelling against the rules and restrictions imposed on you by CKD/dialysis - sort of "I'm frustrated/depressed/angry with my life.. so screw you!" sort of thing, or maybe it's part of that general male stereotype that some think they're invincible or something and CAN do what they like despite all evidence to the contrary, or maybe it's something as relatively understandable as "my life is so difficult I want to at least treat myself with chocolate and enjoy SOMETHING" - taken to an extreme.

Maybe it's a combination of all of these things.

I'm sure there's a psychology paper in there somewhere!!

[del]

I can't fathom either how anybody can abuse their bodies and there loved ones. Hubby is almost too much the other way. He is not going to miss a dialysis treatment or not take his meds.  He is going to eat the things he is supposed to eat without any encouragement from me!!  I have seen males and females have the attitude that they are invincible and nobody is going to tell them what to do.  In the end though they are only being destructive to themselves.  My heart goes out to the caregivers who have to deal with this type of behavior. 

[Chris]

Well it's not the answer to all, but some family members do not step up and allow it to happen, but then complain about it, or do not educate themselves to help monitor so they can proportion and cook the right food and drink.
 
Or the men just droan out what they think is nagging because they were not aproached in the right way?
 
I just grabbing at straws, but as you know, there are so many possible reasons.

[RichardMEL]

Chris - nagging - that's one I forgot. With the best intentions a loved one/caregiver can be saying "you shouldn't do this, or that" and some people will react negatively to that.. being bossed around, on top of restrictions etc, and will rebel just because it's all too much, or they don't want to be nagged etc.

And unfortunately no matter how much you try and educate or explain you're doing it because you love them and want them to be in the best shape etc.. it just won't sink in.

That's why I usually advise here to just leave it. Let them know, and it's their decision and responsibility. Badgering someone who doesn't want to listen won't help any....

[texasstyle]

OMG, we were "on him" for years. Then we stepped back. Then on him again. Then stepped back. I'm just 5'2. He is 6'1. I can't put him over my shoulders. I am not an enabler butthere is only so much you can do. You can lead a horse to water.... I do the best in doing my part though.

[Jean]

TS, when I got married ( the first time) my Mom gifted me with a cast iron skillet. Wasnt for cooking, it was to smack him upside the head if he got out of hand. She was serious too. Have you thought of getting one, just to wave it in front of him when he gets out of control ?

[texasstyle]

I think in general women are more nurturing. We as females have to feed and take care of an infant so it's partly instinctive of us. Men as a species gather and hunt, then lay on the couch. Haaa.. They are providers but women are the caretakers. We are the one making sure everyone else is ok. Something like that

[Chris]

I'm stepping ack and away, I do not want to get     

[MooseMom]

I think in general women are more nurturing. We as females have to feed and take care of an infant so it's partly instinctive of us. Men as a species gather and hunt, then lay on the couch. Haaa.. They are providers but women are the caretakers. We are the one making sure everyone else is ok. Something like that

I have to share this evolutionary biology lesson with all of you, so gather 'round!

Do you ever wonder why your man leaves his dirty socks around, why you can pretty much see where he has been in the house?  It's because men leave trails.  Why do they leave trails?  Because long ago when men had to travel great distances to follow herds to hunt, the compass had not yet been invented, so to be able to find their way back home, they'd leave markers along the way.  The left TRAILS!  AND THEY STILL DO!  From my seat here in our living room, I can look around and see my husband's shoes, his tie, his scarf and his suit jacket.

Ever wonder why your man can't find the mustard even though it is right there in front of him?  It's because long ago, it was the women who combed the forest floor for edibles.  They had to have good eyesight and be able to discern tiny details so that they'd pick the edible mushrooms instead of the poisonous ones.  The role of the man was to hunt critters, the bigger the better.  They didn't need to see a lot of detail.

Want to know why the human female is at the top of the evolutionary chain?  Specialization.  The more specialized an organism is, the higher up they are on this chain.  Humans are at the top.  Males have (ahem) one orifice for defecation and one for both urination and reproduction.  The human female is even more specialized in that she has three separate orifices, one for each of these bodily functions. 

This is all good ammunition if you want to have a really nasty domestic tiff.

[texasstyle]

I love that mom! Especially about the socks and trails haaa. So true! And there are always pairs of shoes around. Put them away! You don't need 25  pair under the coffee table. I hate that...lol That was an interesting article and yes, I am going to use in time of need! lol

[Chris]

Ught o, I'm different. I hate when someone leaves shoes out, leaves clothes on the floor (that's why we have clothes bins in the closet!), or makes a mess in the kitchen and doesn't clean up after themselves. Yet I take offense to that generalization of human history 

[carla13]

Uh-oh, I think I must have been a man in a previous life....

[karrye]

 
MOOSEMOM!!!

 
ROTFLMAO!!!!!