Christmas apology

[paris]

Dear Friends, please forgive my absence. Life kind of got overwhelming and I needed to re-group and move forward. I didn't expect to have so much emotional issues after the transplant, but I couldn't stop thinking and worrying about the donor's family during these holidays.  I felt very guilty and felt so much sorrow for them.  Not rational, but it was how I was feeling.  Plus, lots of family stuff going on---and there will always be problems. My 38 yr old DIL has to have a hysterectomy and it is sad for someone that age. She has been very ill for months. Her Mother starts chemo on the 3rd for agressive lymphoma, so that has her even more stressed.  A lost job in another part of the family---you know, just everyday stuff that is happening to everyone all the time.   We really feel that as a family, we are very fortunate and we are not complainers.  But, sometimes it is all a bit much. And I can't fix any of it.  Now that the holidays are winding down, I think my stress and frame of mind will be so much better.  I have pushed myself too much this month and am ready for some rest.   Again, I apologize for my time off.  I love you all and depend on your wisdom and kindness so much.   I hope your Christmas has been full of peace, calm and comfort.  I learned all about "the best gift ever" and new life and am full of gratitude, appreciation and joy. 

[okarol]

Hi paris,
I have missed you immensely and am happy to see you post. It almost sounds like survivor guilt and that's a heavy burden to carry. You are such a sensitive soul that it does not surprise me, but I hope you will eventually be able to let go and enjoy the gift in the spirit it was given. The family will always grieve, but there must be some satisfaction knowing that the donor lives on through the organ's that were saved for the living. I hope someday you'll be able to meet them - I think it would be a bittersweet, but happy event, because they were lucky to have you as the recipient, and you were lucky too.
I hope you have a good year in 2011 and family situations improve. Sending you lots of love - wish I could hug you tight!
Love,
Karol 

[kitkatz]

 

[galvo]

Have a great new year, paris!

[Darthvadar]

Thank God you've posted, Liz...

I was getting seriously worried that I hadn't seen you, and that you hadn't replied to my messages... Was beginning to wonder if I'd offended you!....

Good that you're okay!....

Darth...

[monrein]

  to you Liz.  Life really isn't for the feint of heart and even the "normal" ups and downs can be so difficult sometimes.  I hope you can regain and enjoy some calm and of course I know that you will.  These drugs we take can make adolescence, pregnancy, menopause and other major hormonal upheavals look like minor events.   

[boswife]

aww liz,,, everything these lovely people have already said and some personal  from me...  Hopes for a blessed year 

[phyl1215]

Bless your heart....it is amazing with all you have going on in your life and you still are so concerned about the donor family.  I'm sure knowing they have helped you and maybe others has helped them over Christmas.  Sit back and try to relax and enjoy the gift you have been given. 

[jbeany]

 

Prednisone after my transplant made me weepy at holiday commercials, so it's no wonder you are having problems coping with real stress!  Sometimes all we can do is batten down the hatches and ride out the storm.  I hope your skies are clearing now. 

[del]

 

[tyefly]

Life does have challenges.......    To a Great New Year   Paris...

[looneytunes]

Paris, I've missed you and am glad to see you back.  Here's to a better 2011 for you and all the others who can relate... 

[rsudock]

paris the first couple of months with my transplant i was a crazy basket case. breaking down in sobs, throwing stuff, and yelling at my family members....pretty ugly stuff BUT it does get better! hang in there! thankfully my family didnt disown me. 


xo,
R

[paris]

Thank you       I literally could feel all your hugs and it felt great.   I tend not to let everything out, but I may need to just start talking and letting the world know how I am feeling.   Christmas Eve, two of our ministers came to me after service. They both had visited the hospital and one even sat in on the meeting about what you can do, eat, etc.  He is always asking me if I use sanitizer, wear gloves in the yard.  And the other minister knows Beth very well. She is on the board at the Methodist Home for Children where Beth works.  She has taken a personal interest and watches over me.  Our church has over 4000 members so I am amazed they even know who I am.  Rev. Lisa is giving me support with the whole emotional thing and trying to convince me that I am worthy of this gift.  I am hoping that my thoughts will make more sense after the New Year begins.  I need to put the holidays behind and now is the time to write the donor's family a letter.      I wore myself out during the last 3 weeks and did too much.  I have a stack of books ready to read and plan to rest, read and rest some more.     Thank you all, again.   Sean is doing great.  Finally got the creatinine to 1.4!  It had stayed at 1.8 for so long and we are glad went down.  Life really is good--I feel so much better and I will get this emotional stuff figured out soon.   And yes, even with emotional junk, this whole thing is so worth it!  It is amazing to have a working kidney!!!!   Love and good wishes to each of you.

[natnnnat]

Gregory had his prednisalone doses raised by large amounts when he was fighting off pneumonia in november and he was all over the shop.  ALL OVER IT.  So like the others have already said, the preddy alone won't be helping.  I am glad to hear you are planning to rest.  And you know how much you mean to the people here don't you.  So from that point of view, we definitely think you deserve that kidney.

 

[Sunny]

Paris, now it's time to get lots of rest after the busy holidays and I'm sorry about the stress going on for others in your family.
 Someone was destined to have that donor kidney of yours and that fact can't be changed, so I'm glad it was you. I have to be honest with you about the guilty feeling you may be having about your kidney. I had a living donor and I have that guilty feeling too. It can be a no win feeling sometimes for those of us with kidney transplants when we get to thinking about what it took for the person we received it from. All we can do is honor the gift by getting the most out of it we can when we can.

[Jean]

Ahhhh Hormones. What would life be like without them? Dont feel guilty Paris, I bet the donors family would love to hear from you, and to know that a part of their loved one lives on and is so helping some other person. You are so deserving of this kidney Paris. I cant wait until the reunion when you and Richard show off your scars!!!!

[breezysummerday]

Lotsa cyber hugs Miss Paris..

[Chris]

I simply can say that No Apology Needed.

[kristina]

Paris, I was wondering and I am glad to see you back.  No need to apologize.

You had huge changes in 2010 and I hope 2011 will be a good year for you and your family.

Best wishes from Kristina.

[cloud393]

   Nice to see you  back.  May the new year bring you nothing but happiness and healthyness.

[paris]

Okarol, your statement about survivor guilt hit me like a ton of bricks.  Also, Darth, your words about your friend helped also.  Those two things have made a huge difference!  It is almost the New Year and I need to make peace with my thoughts and just live with gusto!  It hasn't been a huge depression thing, just feeling "guilty".   I think I have been overly tired with the holidays and that hasn't helped.  In a few days, the house will be "defrocked"  and I can't wait to get out all my projects and start being productive.  I am glad I finally said what was bothering me out loud--- or typed quietly!  You all always help.  You never know what small word or thought will help another ---  Thanks to all of you.