Am I an Idiot ??

[clappedout]

As you know some people say never look a gift horse in the mouth...well.. I have 3 Fabbie daughters and each one of them has offered to test to donate a kidney to me...but I will not let them ..I could not forgive myself if something went wrong or if the kidney they had left failed for whatever reason. They all have super families and I would rather push up dasies than endanger that> Am I being stupid or what ?? If my number came up I know they would be devistated, am I being selfish...Jeez I cant win Sigh

[gothiclovemonkey]

its a hard thing to do, pick between that. i dont htink ur an idiot, i think u should talk to them about it though

[jbeany]

Nope, not an idiot.  That's part of my reason for turning down my sister - my nephew needed his mom more than he needed his aunt.  I was also doing okay on dialysis - maybe not fabulous, but certainly okay.  I wanted to wait for a pancreas, too, and you can't get that from a live donor.  At any rate, everyone needs to do what makes them comfortable.  If you get to the point where waiting for a kidney on the list becomes unbearable, then you may change your mind, but there's certainly nothing crazy about saying "Not right now." 

[loopywinks]

I agree with what folks are saying here.  It can be an agonizing decision.  No, of course you are not an idiot! 

My brother received a kidney from my dad 13 years ago and it is still going strong.. and so is my dad for that matter. 

The transplant centers always do a very thorough work up to determine if someone is a good candidate for a transplant.  I understand what you are saying because I would have a difficult time accepting a kidney from my son as well.  What I am saying is that if they are determined to help you, it might not hurt to work through the process.  Then you will be well informed and you can still say no even if the kidney is a good match.  Your family may feel more comfortable with all of these decisions if all of you know the details of what is being considered.

Just my  ... I hope that you make a decision that you feel really comfortable with. 

Take care and keep us posted!

Tracy (aka Loopywinks)

[clappedout]

thanks guys..just what I thought, I have really done some soul searching on this issue..and to be honest I cant/wont put my girls through truama like that..perhaps I will drop lucky someday..you never know..and thanks for your input..now my chin is up 

[okarol]

On the other side of the issue, I can imagine it from the daughters' perspective. If they had a chance to improve their mother's life, but were denied the chance to even be tested, could be pretty upsetting.

[Poppylicious]

An idiot?  Gosh, no.  As Loopywinks says, you have to be comfortable with your decision and the idea obviously doesn't make you feel comfortable at the moment.  Perhaps it would be an idea to go through the work-up to determine their compatibility/candidacy though, just so you (and they) know if it's a future option ... ?

And what wonderful daughters you have ... 

[jeannea]

You're not an idiot, just a little overprotective. I got my mother's kidney 12 years ago. She's had no problems from donating a kidney. Last year it stopped working due to a number of factors, esp the CMV I got with the kidney from her. But none of us regret it. I had 10 pretty good years with it. You may want to consider discussing your concerns with a therapist or a minister or whoever you talk to. If I had another kidney available I'd take it.