My brain

[MooseMom]

I can't sleep because I can't turn my brain off.  As I get older, my brain speeds up.  I often get tongue-tied because my mouth can't keep up.  I become impatient while watching foreign films because the subtitles are too damned slow.  I often don't bother talking because my thoughts come so quickly that it's too tiring to speak.  I often know what my husband is going to say three seconds before he actually says it, so I just sit there and wait for him to say it.  If I am speaking to someone, I have to make a conscious effort to ssssllllloooooowwww ddddoooowwwwnnn, and it's really hard.

Have any of you experienced anything remotely like this?  It's starting to get embarrassing.

[Des]

Me too.... I have to bite my toung (sorry , spelling) to prevent me from finishing his sentences.... cause he HATES THAT!

[MooseMom]

I fell asleep for about an hour, and I dreamt such a vivid dream about having to take blood samples from my fingertips and not being coordinated enough to do it.  I feel really crappy today.  But my brain is still just a'goin'.

[Sunny]

I know what you mean. I intentionally force myself to be quiet and listen to what others are saying. I find it very hard to be patient and listen to the very end.Then sometimes I have trouble finding the right words to articulate what I want to say. But for me it's like my brain is losing ability to focus and concentrate.I also have trouble sleeping because there is so much on my mind.Could it be toxin build-up? Medications? Who knows!

[MooseMom]

I had a hysterectomy almost 2 years ago.  I spent 2 nights in ICU because I just could not wake up.  Everyone knew all about my CKD, and no one thought it would be a problem, but after 5 hours of still being asleep and having the anesthesiologist in a panic, obviously something went awry.  I recovered quite quickly from the surgery, but I immediately noticed that I began having trouble recalling words.  I could feel my brain shifting through verbal files.  Words occupied the tip of my tongue, and I would often stammer or just come out with complete cobblers.  It's not getting any better; brain is going faster and mouth is going slower, but brain is not always working efficiently.  It's a sort of aphasia...it's odd and embarrassing.

Sunny, I'd imagine that toxins have something to do with it, but I personally believe that we have so much on our minds that it becomes harder to focus.  I can focus well on books or movies, but sometimes I find I get distracted by thougths like, "I need to refill those prescriptions" or "I need to make that appointment" or "which is higher in potassium, x food or y food?"  It sounds like both of us have the same sort of problem.  I'd be eager to know if your mind clears once you get your transplant.  I suspect that you will still have a lot of renal stuff to think about, at least for a while, and will find yourself not focussing on the more mundane things in life, like people saying boring things.

[billybags]

Sorry girls and boys, I am the carer and I feel that I am "losing it" I am 65 and I don't know if its age or stress with all the things that go on with D. I feel like my mind is in a fog most days. I keep active, do all the frigging cross words I can find, read books, the TV has no appeal at night, I just can not wait for 10 o'clock to come so I can go to bed. So I do not know whether it is age related or stress, or both. I put the salt and pepper pots in the fridge the other night and spent ages looking for them, I have never done that before. Shit they will be "coming to take me away Ha ha"

[aharris2]

Sorry girls and boys, I am the carer and I feel that I am "losing it" I am 65 and I don't know if its age or stress with all the things that go on with D. I feel like my mind is in a fog most days. I keep active, do all the frigging cross words I can find, read books, the TV has no appeal at night, I just can not wait for 10 o'clock to come so I can go to bed. So I do not know whether it is age related or stress, or both. I put the salt and pepper pots in the fridge the other night and spent ages looking for them, I have never done that before. Shit they will be "coming to take me away Ha ha"

Billybags, I'll bet if you think about it that you are just as sharp as can be when it comes to caregiving. I think we are so focused on getting that right, because the consequences are life or death, that other things that we do are not even noticed (by ourselves). When you put the salt and pepper pots in the fridge, what else were you doing - getting meds, preparing food, any of the myriad of other things caregiving entails? The S&P pots were just along for the ride.

[MooseMom]

Putting salt and pepper pots in the fridge...that's the sort of thing that happens when you have too many really important things on your mind.  Who cares if the salt gets cold?  That's better than allowing your spouse to forget a med or a doc appt.  You know you're in trouble when you can't remember where the fridge is...

My DH, who is not really my caregiver (yet) but who has a very demanding job that takes a lot of brain power, put our ELECTRIC kettle on the stove and turned on the burner.  The kettle melted.  Another time, to keep squirrels away from the bird feeders, he bought packets of coyote urine to hang on the feeders.  All well and good, but he OPENED THE PEE PACKETS IN THE KITCHEN AS I WAS COOKING DINNER.  I'll never let him live that one down.  But he has so much on his mind, so I've forgiven him.

[texasstyle]

I don't believe this is necessarily a problem with only dialysis patients. Dialysis is certainly is enough to keep your mind so filled with thoughts that you can't sleep, but it seems to be a alone the lines of anxiety and lots of people get it. My sister does (on meds) I do (should be on meds! lol) and people from all walks of life. Sometimes I just want a break from "thinking". I know how you feel. Your mouth can't keep up fast enough with what your brain's thinking.I would suggest talking to a Dr. to get properly diagnosed. IF you feel meds are for you, they can be very helpful and you should see a dramatic improvement. Some people do not like dealing with any extra meds and that's ok too. It's your decision. Being bombard with heavy thoughts especially if they are keep you from sleeping is not a pleasent thing. If this has been going on a short time it may be reactive to a particular situation. It's it's been chronic, it might not go away so quickly. Either way I hope you get some relief soon!

[MooseMom]

My husband tells me I should try to empty my mind, but the idea of that horrifies me.  I can't imagine a blank mind.  When I sleep, I dream vivid dreams...very vivid dreams.  One reason I hate general anesthetics so much is that they really do shut down my brain, and this is what I think death must be like.  Nothing in the mind, on the mind...nothing.  But I would love to have a more restful mind.  I find it difficult to relax mentally, and I wonder if I just might burn myself out sometime soon.  And it is not like I always think profound or worrisome thoughts.  Lots of times, I'm planning something.  But really, it's like I sense that time's a'wastin' and that there is this urgency, an undefined urgency.  Perhaps that is the result of suspecting that your life will be shortened due to CKD/ESRD.

[Riki]

I dream while under anesthetics too, though.  I remember the first time I was ever put under.  I was about 7, and I was having tubles put in my ears.  I dreampt about muppet babies.  During my last transplant, I dreampt that the nurse who was tallking to me while they were getting ready to put me under was pushing me around in circles on a gurney

[MooseMom]

I dream while under anesthetics too, though.  I remember the first time I was ever put under.  I was about 7, and I was having tubles put in my ears.  I dreampt about muppet babies.  During my last transplant, I dreampt that the nurse who was tallking to me while they were getting ready to put me under was pushing me around in circles on a gurney

Really?  Really!!!???  Oh, that's wild!

[paris]

I do think that is a huge part of my sleep problems.  I can't turn the brain off.  Did I remember to do everything I needed?  Did I accomplish anything?  Who do I need to send what to?  Those are the easy ones and then my mind goes to the darker places.  In the meantime, my husband has fallen asleep and doesn't ever know how many times I get up during the night.  I start in bed, end up in the living room and maybe back to bed around 5 or 6.  He thinks I have slept he whole time!          And when talking with people, words escape me and then the thought is gone and the conversation has moved on.   I am becoming a great listener!!    It helps me to know others are in the same boat.   

Re:clearing your mind.  Let me know how to do that!  I do lots of mental exercises, breathing, etc, but the mind still runs a mile a minute.  I do notice that when I am sitting at the beach, I do relax and just be in the moment.   Anyone have a beach house I can live in?        MooseMom, you are so good at trying to learn everything about what is going on in your body and what lies ahead.  Knowledge is power--- the IHD motto.   

[MooseMom]

My husband is one of those people who likes having a bedtime story.  So, we'll go to bed and put on a DVD from our Netflix queue, and he's asleep after 10 minutes while I'm awake for another hour because I have to find out what happened!

If I haven't slept well because my mind has done its Energizer bunny thing, once my husband has left for work, I'll turn on either CNN or put on one of my Teaching Company DVDs and will return to bed.  I'll begin listening to the TV...it makes my mind focus on something specific instead of allowing it to race from thought to thought.  I'll turn the volumn down low enough so that I can still hear it, but I have to really listen (and focus).  This trick usually is effective in putting me to sleep for another couple of hours.  I just stumbled upon this strategy by chance, and maybe it can help one of you.

Paris, there must be something about the beach that relaxes people because like you, I find it easier to relax at the beach.  Maybe it is the hypnotic sound of the waves and the wind.  Maybe it is being in a completely different environment.  And believe it or not, I actually do have a beach house you can live in.  It was my mom's, but upon her death 2 weeks ago, it is mine now.  I have to sell it because I just live too far away to keep it up.  It is on the Mississippi Gulf Coast.  It survived Katrina (and Camille).  I am hoping a cousin will buy it so that I can keep it in the family.  I had hoped to keep it for our retirement, but that is not for more than 10 years, and I just have too much on my plate; my future is too uncertain.

[Sunny]

That's funny you talk about the laying in bed while your husband sleeps with your eyes wide open and your mind running a mile a minute.
Me too. I will lay for hours sometimes staring out the bedroom window looking at the moonlight (I never shut my blinds so I have something to stare at).  Many months of the year I see the moon rise over the trees out this window so at least I have something to stare at while thinking. And,yes, I love the beach. I live 2 miles from one of the most beautiful State beaches in California so at least I can drive there readily. I like the idea of getting those "learning" CD's. What a good idea.

[MooseMom]

Is this a woman thang?  Most of us have described bouts of insomnia while hubby sleeps peacefully.  Are there any IHD men whose brains work overtime?  Let's hear from ya!

Sunny, I've really enjoyed courses from The Teaching Company.  I've taken courses on linguistics, medieval history and now music.  Whenever I have a birthday coming up, I ask for a new course.  There's so much to learn, so little time.  Like most commercial enterprises, they are trying to drum up as much business as possible, so they often have huge sales, so you can buy many courses really cheap.  And most courses are available on CD for an even cheaper price.  If you were to take a course in a particular subject, what would it be?  What interests you?

[natnnnat]

I used to be a raging insomniac but when I met Gregory it stopped.  So I know he must be the one!  (and no, he's not boring  )
I think that he lies awake while I sleep.  I might ask when I get home.
But the reason I decided to hit "reply" here is because of the sound of wind and waves at the beach.  It reminds me of a housemate I used to live with in a share house.  He was kind of manic really, very very very energetic.  To sleep, he would get the vaccuum cleaner and turn it on in his room.  Of course I made outrageous and hilarious remarks about what he was doing in there with the vaccuum cleaner, I didn't suggest he was cleaning you can be sure of that.  But he assured me, and I believed him, that he honestly needed white noise to get to sleep.   

[MooseMom]

That's interesting, nat...I use a white noise machine to help me fall asleep, and all in all, it is pretty useful.  My son, who is autistic, needs some sort of white noise, too.  I went to a counselling session several months ago, and I noticed that all of the therapists in the practice have the very same white noise machine that I have in the bedroom.  There must be something about this sort of white noise that relaxes people.

[gothiclovemonkey]

My dreams got more vivid and insane when i began dialysis... and i act like a crack head alot of the time. Almost like i am on crack, have ADD and dont know my a** from a whole in the ground. Ganted, ive had mental problems all my life, depression, bpd, and bipolar disorder, but this is insane. I talk a mile a min, forget what im saying half the time, mid speak. It is annoying and embarrassing. Oh, and saying thngs backwards. Like Telephone becomes Phelatone. Or making up words completely. Like Plaque and Nicotine become Plaquatine

[MooseMom]

Oh, and saying thngs backwards. Like Telephone becomes Phelatone. Or making up words completely. Like Plaque and Nicotine become Plaquatine

That's really interesting.  Annoying, I'm sure, but really interesting.  I've always been interesting in linguistics and language acquistion, and it would be fascinating to know more about the effects of dialysis/CKD on language centers in the brain.  And the fact that your dreams have become more vivid is also interesting.  Again, I'd love to learn more about the effects of kidney disease and/or dialysis on brain chemistry.  There must be a reason why this happens to you, gothiclovemonkey and I have to wonder if dialysis has anything to do with it.  Any thoughts?

[gothiclovemonkey]

I ususually just tell people im nuts. LOL
 
Seriously though, I dont know because it seems like ive always had some problems with that, but it has become increasingly so since about the time i got pregnant, which was 04, and by the time i started dialysis in 07 its become insanely bad. I cant even complete a complete thought half the time. I forget what im going to say all the time, mid sentence!
Id assume since a few people on here are having the same complaint, it may very well be to do with the toxins.
Also, I DO know that when I was in a bit of a rut, and i skipped out on 2 weeks worth of treatments, I couldnt function mentally at all, I was way out of wack. So I really do believe that toxins can cause some of the depression issues as well as normal brain function issues, such as walking a straight line. Because even skipping one treatment, by the time the next treatment rolled around i was pretty unstable in the mental department.... as well as on my feet.
The dreaming really freaks me out, because it is soooo vivid, and its usually very odd things to be dreaming about. things i would really like to have a convo with my subconscience about, because.... idk what its thinking!!

[MooseMom]

Oh, you're absolutely right.  Those toxins will wreak havoc in every way possible.  And if you already have problems (and don't we all?), I'm sure they're exacerbated by kidney disease and dialysis.  Dialysis serves a purpose, obviously, but also presents you with another set of problems.  You just can't win.

Do you ever have recurring dreams, dreams that might be different in detail but generally the same in theme?

[gothiclovemonkey]

Ive done that all my life... reoccuring, and sometimes exactly the same