How do you deal with nosy family?

[st789]

Welcome and rant.  We are all here to rant out our frustrations.  It is healthy this way.

[MooseMom]

Re anxiety meds and a transplant evaluation...an appointment with the social worker attached to your transplant center is usually required.  I had mine about a month ago.  Mostly, she wanted to make sure that I had enough support for after surgery (like someone to drive me to doctors' appts, someone to help with domestic chorese, etc) and also to make sure I had no substance abuse issues.  We talked about the emotional and psychological issues created by ESRD; one of the first things that the transplant coordinator talked about the first time I met with her was emotional issues.  Both the coordinator and the SW had been dialysis nurses at some time, and they were very well aware of the anxieties and depressions that accompany renal failure.  If you have such anxieties, they like to see you take the initiative and get treatment for it before you go through the rigors of transplantation.  If you think about it, that's only logical.  The whole evaluation process is geared toward getting you in the best condition possible so that you can be more successfully transplanted; your body AND your mind have to be in the best place possible.  Rather than hurting your chances for transplantation, I would think that being on a successful anti-anxiety regimen BEFORE transplantation would improve your odds on getting on the list asap.
Re your blog...not only is this an easier way to communicate your condition to people, it also removes the responsibility of an appropriate response from those who read it.  If you tell people about your condition, they often don't know what to say.  They don't want to make you feel worse, and they don't want to offend you, so they get all confused and inevitably end up doing exactly the wrong thing.  If they read about your ESRD on a blog, then the burden of giving an appropriate response would be lifted from their shoulders  Everybody Wins

[karen547]

I have the exact opposite problem!- How do you deal with family who don't give a crap?!!

[MooseMom]

One last thought...it is not easy for us to give you practical advice because we do not know you and we are not in your position.  I am 53 years old, and it is hard for me to remember what it was like to live with my parents.  But it does occur to me that perhaps you could reevaluate your relationship with your mother.  Instead of trying to keep things from her (which just makes life harder for you because since she sees your insurance information, you can't keep that much from her), could you recruit her as an ally?  Fighting people is so hard.  Instead of expending so much effort in keeping information from her, could you share more with her and have her HELP you?  If you merely suspect she is gossiping about you, you could be wrong, and all of this effort to keep things from her would just be adding an extra burden on you.  From a parent's point of view, I would want to be as helpful as I could be in supporting my child with a chronic health condition, but it is hard to help if I'm not given the opportunity.  It might be an idea for you to really think about what exactly you want from your parents and how you want them to extend that help (or not).  Do you want complete privacy, or do you want them involved in your care?  Maybe your mother snoops because she senses that that is the only way she is going to get the info she needs to be in a position to help you.  If you want your mother not to speak about you and your condition to others, tell her that, and tell her that you are willing to be more open with her unless and until she starts gossiping.  If you got treatment for anxiety (either by meds or therapy), would it really be so awful if she asked?  Or would you be more comfortable if, like Karen547's family, she never asked and never cared?  What do you want from her?

[Kitts]

I... can't believe I hadn't thought of that. Maybe that'll help me think about it. But are there other things to consider?

Yes. Don't trust any therapist with more than two afghans in the room. Trust me.

[MooseMom]

Yes. Don't trust any therapist with more than two afghans in the room. Trust me.

As in dogs or blankies?

[Kitts]

As in dogs or blankies?

Blankets. It's bad news.

[The Noob]

excellent topic. while reading this i had the thought: his 2 daughters are coming here from out of state to visit. i am going to write to his parents and ask respectively and with compassion, if we can all meet at thier home and have a frank discussion. his siblings are in area and other grown children.
i will ask that everyone be there if possible, and will attempt to sit them all down, help them to relax, and give them a version of this they can wrap their heads around.
if this works, they will be educated and we may end up with some support and practical help, and can use this time to broach subject of donors (3 sons who've volunteered). they really need to and want to understand all this, and also whats involved with being a donor, and other issues. i have done much public speaking and ran groups so i think i can handle this if everyone is in agreement.
i'll post back and let you all know how it went.

my sister has a caring bridge site for her son "jack mccall", she says its been a lifesaver. i have a blog.
but i have to say that IHD is the BEST of them all.
thank you all for being here!

[kitkatz]

Since shooting the family between the eyes is illegal, just remember you love them, they love you.  God help us all!