Dating

[Ladystardust24]

Anyways,

Just because we have a chronic illness doesn't mean we are no longer actual human beings!

So obviously we all want the same things as people who have no illnesses. So we all have dated obviously. Any thoughts about it?

What I have learned from dating with a chronic illness.

-your pretty much like everyone else with/without one.

You still meet losers, winners.. (...workin on that. lol)

I have recently dumped my low life loser thank god ex. who ended up cleaning out my bank account,stealing my pain meds.(ha.idiot) using me.. and lying about everything under the sun.

Luckily/unlikely I am not the only one this happen to..he also did it to his "horrible vicious cheating mean" ex.. who actually happens to be a total sweetheart. And pretty much anyone he ever came in any contact. He has no ability to tell the truth.
So I have unfriended him,blocked him,reported him to the police and facebook. All my friends have deleted him,and now that his "friends" know what kind of person he really is, I can only assume that he won't have that many friends left.

The sad this is,. I did really give my heart to this loser. among other things. So it totally sucks that he did this all. And my doctor told me.. "think of it as a blessing in disguise.. it will weed out the bad ones".. uhh NO. Obviously NOT. So I learned a hard lesson. there. But as all my friends,and family and their friends told me.. they met "those losers" as well. so i am totally normal in that sense.

I decided for a while (long while) will stay very happily single, enjoy the single life.. live it up, go out with friends,family..and just enjoy not having a idiot insecure clingy loser  stuck to my side. 


But thats me,

Now if you have had CKD since you were young, alot of us who started when we were young, you can tell usually. A lot of us will look much younger and are usually short. So of course when you are 20 but you look around 14/15.. it is harder to get a guy your own age to notice you. Not to mention.. being a renal patient is almost a full time job!!  So its no surprise that maintaining a relationship can be difficult. Personally, I'm a very open-minded person, very. I also don't believe its fully possible to stay in love FOREVER. nothing is forever. And i think it's not such a far reach that you can fall in love many times. Why stick to the idea of "one true love"? Just because you might have some chronic issues, don't be afraid to live life. Don't stick to some idea that your princess/prince will just walk up to you one day. Everything in life is a learning experience. Bad relationships, good ones. You might think you want something but, when its given to you, it could turn out to be bitter. Like you might want a guy to bring you flowers everyday, be six foot,blue eyes,blonde hair.. but when you get it.. and he does bring you flowers..but there is something missing. Thats what you don't want. you need to expand your ideas, and really, the only way to do so is to go around and try it. Date a variety of people. no matter who you meet.. you will take away something from it. Personally, I don't know if it's because I have a extremely openminded family, or because I am of my generation with its own ideas. But I personally, I don't make a great girlfriend, I prefer friendships. And I don't think the whole fwb(friends with benefits) idea is soo horrible. I think if it is between two adults, who are on the same page about their feelings towards eachother.. it can work. I'm not saying everyone should agree to this. But i do whether fwb or not.. You should always keep your mind open to new things and new people. You may think you want one the blonde with perky boobs and 36-24-36 measurements.. but in reality,while you put so much energy and focus on finding that girl, the perfect cute a bit chubby brunette might be standing right there. And you might miss her due to you so focused on only one kind. And a important thing to remember, don't think you having a illness will really change anything. It won't make it easier or harder. If someone doesn't want to date you strictly because of your illness, then why do you want them anyways, if they can't be there during your worst, then they don't deserve your best. And thats the truth. But, like everyone, you might not fit another person as well..for other reasons than your illness.. So you need to try and not blame your illness right off the bat. But anyways, this is a good start to a topic... good experiences,bad.. whatever it is related to dating..go on. do tell.

But anyways, the dating scene

[YLGuy]

Are you still coming to California for the Prom?

[Chris]

I put off dating due to all the problems I have had.

Need to find someone like minded or something, but think I have better chances of winning the lotto 

[galvo]

I am resigned to being alone.

LSD24, you keep in the game, girl. By the sound of you, you have a lot to offer. There are some decent guys out there.

[Maker]

I am with you LSD24!  No giving up here 

I had a great relationship end earlier this year, mostly due to this illness.  I am still sad about it as is he and wish we could have gotten through this together.  But whether he & I work things out in the future, or God brings someone else into my life, I'm not resigned to spending life alone.

I do worry because this disease is such a burden and how can I expect someone else to want to deal with it the rest of their life?  But none of us have perfect lives or can predict the future.  Whoever I find will have their own burdens and flaws too, and may someday be sick himself.

I am fine alone and make the most of every day, but I am always open to dating and meeting people.  I am upfront about my disease with everyone I know, including guys I meet.  I figure, better for them to know in the beginning than to fall in love with me, then I spring it on them 

Good luck to you LDS 24!

[okarol]

Sorry about the bad luck Ladytstardust (love Bowie, by the way!) but sounds like you're already on your way to recovery from the negative experience.
Thought you might also be interested in this thread Dating Question - How and when do you bring up ESRD? http://ihatedialysis.com/forum/index.php?topic=7455.0
 

[RichardMEL]

Lady Stardust you're so right (and I'd date you if I was closer.. and younger!!!).

I'm sorry you got used and abused by jerky guy.. unfortunately that can happen to us if we have kidney failure or not. I just don't know how some people can treat other humans  like that, but that's a whole other issue.

Also your comment about looking for perfection is right on. Some people want the perfect looks thing, but I discovered long ago that beauty really IS skin deep (translation: I met the dreamy drooly woman of my dreams, but her personality left much to be desired in the way she treated me... I soon lost the drool for her). I've dated the "chubby brunette" myself because these days I'm more interested in who the person is and how *we* get on than her measurements!!! I've met a lot of sweet dear people that way!

 

[kitkatz]

All I have learned has taught me that when it is right it is right.   We need to learn what we need in another person. 

[Ladystardust24]

Haha glad people have something to say about this topic!

And I'm liking this "LSD24" type..makes me either sound like some kick ass robot from star wars or a drug of sorts. haha

"wow that LSD24 is soo cool..i thought i was a robot from star wars!!!"

yep. lol I didn't even realize ladystardust could be abberiavted to that.  So good luck on all your guys searches..and Chris, dont be such a sourpuss!! In order to find love, we must find love in ourselves first!!

Don't put yourself down!! You do deserve a good woman But you gotta remember, she won't just show up at your door step, you need to actually be out there, living life, enjoying it. If you think about how fragile it is, Don't you want to live life to the fullest?! Even if you don't actually find a woman doesn't mean you cant get out of the house.. like today, even though my friend Amanda gave somewhat of a headache.. her voice very high pitched, and she talks amazingly too fast.. and i went to the new huge supermarket,where apparently my town has taken a liking to hang out in,and is directly across from my house.. for only an hour and half.. i still got out of bed took a shower finally,got dressed,and prettified... it was good for me to get out of the house, other than dialysis, but it also didn't help that alot of things reminded me of him... i started to call the "bismark" dessert "cowardly effing low life loser who resembles jubba the hutt more than human male.. but that he was never actually a male in the first place, and that he thinks so fluffy and creamy but its just carbs and fat. and lies to u makes u only temporarly happy but then u are just left feeing sad and fat." ...and then my friend came with our food and gave me a look and told me to stop talking to the desserts, and that bismarks are good.. John is bad... so yea, im guessing his angry,hurt feeling will stay for a while.  I'm obviously still hurt. but then again, its a new wound.. I just wish there was a wound nurse for this.. anyways, yeaa.... haha. I need to stop talking about it..

[RichardMEL]

More good points LSD24 (R2D2's kick ass sister?)

I think an issue for a lot of folks is that feeling of being "not normal" or "not able to do normal things" (like dating). For a while I had the issue (totally within myself) that I didn't think it was fair to put my crap (as in medical crap) onto someone else - specially someone new. Of course several ladies I have spent time with have pointed out that it's their decision to get involved knowing what the deal is (I am always upfront about my condition) and that they should be allowed to make that choice rather than me making it for them (which I can see).

Another issue is about the ability to give in a relationship - and I mean that in multiple ways - giving of time and energy, physically and even emotionally(which is related to my first issue above). We have enough to deal with with our disease sometimes we have nothing left over to give to someone else (which isn't very fair on them!).

I've also done the friends with benefits deal a few times and I agree that it is something that can work *IF* both parties are on the same page. If you are, then it can work really well and perhaps not have so many demands that a more full relationship would have.. but it's VERY important to be on the same page... if not, then trouble is almost certainly going to follow.

Everyone's different though and feels able to tackle different things. I personally feel it comes down to what you're comfortable with and/or feel you can give to a potential relationship.

I wish those searching luck, and happiness.

oh and LSD24 I'm sorry about the new wound that sucks for you. I guess all you can do is try and live and learn from the experience... but also remember not all guys are going to be like that and that when you're ready to move on, well the next guy could be really good for you. 

[galvo]

Hey,LSD24,did you have a chat to your entree, too?

[sumodidit]

I agree with LSD24 and Richard, you gotta keep moving on, if you are depressed then you gotta get over it and start moving on, I agree with richard on dating someone and sharing my burden is unfair to my date, but it is up to the person you are dating to say yes or no to accepting our burden. Sick or healthy we all got problems so it doesn't matter honestly. I was depressed for a while haven't dated in the past 5 years and the first girl I asked out turned me down for whatever reasons, but I got past it. I think about it often and the pain is there but I look forward to finding that someone. If you take the risks you might come out on top with success. It is better than playing it safe always wondering what if or I should have. Live life with no regrets so when you look back at least you can say I tried and you know the answer instead of wondering. I wish you the best of luck finding that someone and glad you got rid of the loser!!

[renalpenguin]

I've never had a boyfriend yet (I know- I'm 18 and I've never had a boyfriend... nothing to do with kidney disease, I just didn't like any guy at my school or church enough to date him, not yet anyway). But as far as talking to guys (and maybe flirting a little), I've noticed something- creeps don't bug me anymore because I'm not as absolute beautiful as I used to be (I know I'm not ugly, and I even see myself as pretty, but not to the point some scary looking guy is going to follow me around). But the sweet guys like me a lot more- they like the fact I'm battling this disease with a positive attitude (and I look different than I used to but I'm still pretty- that helps too). So it's worked in my favor.