The laws of ultimate reality

[okarol]

The laws of ultimate reality

Law of Random Numbers
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

Law of the Alibi
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

Law of Mechanical Repair
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

Law of Gravity
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Law of Probability
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Variation Law
If you change traffic lanes, the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every  time).

Law of the Bath
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

Law of Close Encounters
The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

Law of the Result
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

Law of Biomechanics
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

Law of the Theatre
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

The Starbucks Law
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
 
Murphy's Law of Lockers
If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

Law of Physical Surfaces
The chances of an open-faced jam sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

Brown's Law of Physical Appearance
If the shoe fits, it's ugly.
 
Wilson 's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

Doctors' Law
If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better.  Don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.

Law of Logical Argument
Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

[YLGuy]

Variation Law
If you change traffic lanes, the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every  time).

This also holds true regarding checkout lines at the grocery store.

[MandaMe1986]

haha, thanks

[tyefly]

     How about the 

  Law of Trucking...........Size doesnt Matter.......

        that is what we have on the back of our sleeper..... 

[Bajanne]

My dad used to talk about 'the perversity of inanimate objects'!
Example - you need a red pen. All you will find are blue pens.  When you need a blue pen, there are only red ones.  It works for pins and needles too.
You find stuff when you are not looking for it, and you don't find the stuff you are looking for.

[Jean]

Funny..............and so gosh darned true!!!

[Des]

also... The minute you make a hair appointment ... You have the best hair day ever ... and you wonder why you want to have it cut?

[peleroja]

Variation Law
If you change traffic lanes, the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every  time).

This also holds true regarding checkout lines at the grocery store.

And banks, too.

The law of logical argument reminds me of the time I wrote a term paper and made up every single statistic.  I got an A plus on it!

[paul.karen]

These are all great 

[Darthvadar]

Add the Law of Dentist visits...

You develop a problem, you do the right thing and phone the dentist's surgery straight away... Secretary tells you that the earliest appointment's three weeks away... Then when you eventually get into the chair and open wide, the dentist sighs loudly and says "Honestly Darth, I wish you'd come to me sooner!"...