Bob's Blog Saturday 5-23-09

[BobN]

Bob Here

My wife would like to pose a question to all dialysis patients, and I’ll try not to get too technical here.

She wants to know if dialysis makes you soft-in-the-head.

Now, don’t get offended, she’s really only looking for some assurance that she didn’t consciously make a decision to marry a madman.

She’d like to say that, yes, his behavior was a little off-kilter when we first got married a couple of eons ago.

But it’s gotten ridiculous lately, so, hey, it must be those dialysis treatments, right?

And she’s thinking, please, please, please say that’s right.

This all came to the fore last weekend, when she made the brave decision to take me along on one of her shopping excursions.

We went into one of these high-class grocery stores. 

You know, the ones that set up on fancy fixtures, put a high polish on their floors, and charge you 20% more that you’d pay for the same product at Wal-Mart up the street?

Anyway, as part of the ambiance, the background music is top-notch, first-run stuff, not the stale old elevator-music they play in some older stores.

To her misfortune, the song they were playing when we first walked in was a real rocking dance song, the kind that makes you want to boogie right on the spot.

Well, never one to suppress such feelings, I proceeded to grab her and start dancing.

Right in front of everybody, in front of the store.

Before she really knew what was going on, I went through a series of dance steps and used my momentum to twirl her under my arm.

Then she got her wits about her and tried to stop, but I really had it going, and kept the dance in rhythm.

Finally, she had had enough, threw my arms away, stomped her feet, and yelled,

“STOP THAT YOU LUNATIC!!!”

Now, everyone was staring.  So, to make matters worse, I calmly walked up to her and said softly,

“How many times have I asked you not to make a scene in public?”

When I looked into her eyes just then, I saw me dead.

When I think about it, there may be something to this theory of dialysis causing crazy behavior.

I mean, after all, here we are, stuck in those chairs for an interminable amount of time.

I would think it’s only normal, that in our non-dialysis lives, we would want to break loose a little bit.

Do any of you feel that way?

It’s just the misfortune of the significant others in our lives that they occasionally have to be dragged along for the ride.

Now, you’d figure that while we’re actually on dialysis, our opportunities to mis-behave would be pretty limited, being confined to the chair and all.

But, leave it to me to continually try to get past that limitation.

In one of my old dialysis centers, the staff was all into getting into your head, always asking questions about your lifestyle, eating and drinking routines, personal habits, etc. etc.

Now I know that some of this is to be expected, but there were times when I was just not up for having those discussions.

So, I used to fake falling asleep in the middle of the conversation.

One time, the social worker was busting my chops on whether I was working too much, now that I was on dialysis and all.

I started my answer,”Well, you know, I like to keep up the pace by sustaining my lifestyle and making sure……………………………………..”

Closed my eyes, let my head fall back.

I could sense that she was a little stumped on what to do.

After a lengthy pause, she said softly, “Bob?...Bob, are you ok?”

I just continued with my fake nap.

Eventually, she got up and left.

So, I kept my eyes closed for a while, but I peeked a little bit, and the next time she was walking by, I suddenly opened my eyes, sat up and just continued on my original train of thought.

“…that I continue making progress both personally and professionally.”

She looked a little scared and just kept walking into the back room.

After a couple of more of these episodes, I wasn’t quite sure that she was buying it, but then I got a visit from the center’s Medical Director, looking concerned.

He said, “Have you ever been diagnosed with Narcolepsy?”

I just started laughing really hard, which I’m sure caused him to question my sanity as well.

Ah, we who are easily amused.

So, back to my wife’s question, that one, I think we can clearly say dialysis was the cause, but, if she’s analyzing the subject carefully, she’ll have to admit that my behavior was never all that “normal” to begin with.

I mean, she could just think back to our wedding day.

She came down with a really bad case of laryngitis the night before.

(Now, I don’t want to hear anything about her being sent a message, ok?)

Anyway, her voice was really scratchy, but we managed to get through the vows and kiss and all.

But right after that I said, “Now, can you do Brando?”

She just looked at me, blinked her eyes a few thousand times and scratched out,

 “What?”

I said, “Can you say this for me?”

‘You have disgraced the Corleone family’

The minister laughed a little bit, but she just shook her head and rolled her eyes.

It was a sign of things to come.

And even worse from her perspective, it was well before I went on dialysis.

I’d like to hear from you all.  Has your behavior gotten worse since you went on dialysis? Stayed the same?

Heaven forbid…gotten better?

Thanks for reading.  I hope everyone has a good week of treatments.

Remember to stay active.  Take care.

[monrein]

 

Yup, it makes us loopy, but it's an individual thing, some go nuttier than others and it all depends (like so many other medical things) on your baseline at the start.

PS.  Please don't go sane and normal on us Bob.

[Wenchie58]

I see a slight problem with the theory.  I'm a bit, shall we say, off kilter, and I have never had dialysis.  Therefore I am forced to think that its kidney disease in general.     Yeah, that's it, that's my story and I am sticking to it!

[Romona]

  Yes, chalk it all up to Kidney Disease. I blame everything on medication.

[jbeany]

Dialysis dementia!  That's it, that's why we're all nuts!

One of those few benefits that we do get from being sick - we have a chance to see that it really is the little, silly moments in life that are the important ones.

Personally, I'd have finished the dance with you!

 

[kitkatz]

The hubby and I danced through the aisle of Walgreens Drugstore one night.  We were watched by the evening staff who thought we had lost out minds.  But it was a dancing song!  We were watched when we separated int he store to shop separately.  Heheheh!   

And Yes, Dialysis makes you nuts! After ten and a half years of this I am well qualified to make that statement!

[silverhead]

Neither my Wife or my daughter will allow me to come with them to a Mall (do you really think I care?), anyway, they get real embarrassed when I start pointing out the insane clothing or hair-dos I see on the young crowd, the last time, several years ago, was when I pointed out a tender young gal with a large ring in her nose, and I said loudly, that looks just like the rings we used to put in the Hogs noses on the farm to keep them from rooting in the ground......
Now I get to stay at home and enjoy some quiet time.

[G-Ma]

Keep writing Bob...I needed this laugh today....and remembered when George and I got married...courthouse with my youngest son and his friend as attendants..George was "certifiably" crazy...and his eyes had been supercharged sparkling all day..I was really nervous as to why and all you have to do is look at me and if in the mood I will drop to the floor laughing..so the day went and then the judge told me to put his ring on his finger, I lifted his hand and proceeded to slide the ring on his finger as I noticed a note on the finger..black marker...Place Ring on X...and I died laughing on his shoulder..everyone had been in on it..the judge finally said..are you certain you want to complete this ceremony to George and he said well, I have nothing better to do right now..and I still couldn't stand up.

[BobN]

Great story, thanks G-Ma.

Glad to know I've got lots of company in the "nut-job" category, along with monrein, wenchie, silverhead, kitkatz, jbeany, Romona, and probably many others.

[Hanify]

I think it's very similar to the lack of brain thing that happens when you're pregnant.  However, it's a damned good excuse for everything now.  I really CAN"T face cooking, cleaning, work ha ha.  Problem is, I was never that keen on those things before!

[del]

I can't blame hubby's behavior on dialysis treatments!!!  He's been the same way ever since I met him 26 years ago!!!  I never know what he is going to say or do. Sometimes I pretend I don't know him LOL!!!