My name is Charli and I'm a new member

[Charli]

My name is Charli and I'm 41 years old, married with a 22 yoa son and a hotdog named Dixie. I've had CKD my whole life. When I was 3, my left kidney was taken out and I've lived with one the whole time. It has since slowly lost it's function a little at a time. This last time my GFR went from 20 to 16, so now I'm going tommorrow for a consultation to get a catheter put in so I can start PD Dialysis. It really was my only choice knowing that I hate hate hate and am afraid of needles and pain.  I am in the process of being evaluated for a kidney transplant from a family member, but I have to go through with phycology classes due to anxiety/panic/depression and the biggy (I cannot and never have been able to swallow pills). This they said was a major problem because after a transplant you have lots and lots of anti rejection drugs and I just cannot see myself chewing up or drinking liquid of all of those drugs several times a day.  I'm not real good with my meds, cause I have to chew everything up and they taste bad, leave after taste or make me sick.  So I don't really see how the transplant thing could possible work for me if I even get my name on the list after my phyc visits are done.  Oh well, that's me. I guess I really haven't absorbed it all yet and still kinda in shock and can't believe I am going to be on dialysis. Oh yeah and the other major thing with me is (I am totally afraid of dying) That is what my anxiety is all about, knowing how unhealthy I am and the thought of me dying...............

I look forward to chatting with you all....

Thanks,

Charli     

[G-Ma]

   to such a very good group on the web.........hint: my grandaughter had major trouble swallowing pills and I read somewhere to put them in your mouth and take a swallow of fluid from a pop/soda bottle type container while swallowing and you will have no problem...and it's true...something about it changes something in your throat while swallowing.  I used to hate needles but I learned how to cannulate myself and no more pain.  Good luck with the classes and they may also help with your last fear.

[kellyt]

Welcome Charlie.  It's good to have you with us.

It is true, there are many, many pills after transplant.  Luckily, I have no problems with pills.  I put them in my mouth and then fill my mouth with the liquid (water, tea, etc.) and I let the fluid pick the pills up off my tongue and then I just swallow the fluid.  That way the pills don't get stuck in my throat.  You have to fill you mouth, though.

Practice!!  I'd love to hear that you received a kidney!   Check in often!   :waving

[Beth35]

When I first began dialysis I started having panic attacks and became pretty depressed.  I too was afraid of dying and I actually sought help for that. I went to a counselor who helped me understand that I can't control whether I live or die and she also taught me how to stop my panic attacks.  Believing in God and going to church really helped me too.  I kind of gave it over to God so to speak.  It's hard feeling like you have no control over your own body.

As for the pills, I would start trying to swallow some now.  Maybe Tylenol or something so that you can start practicing.  I'd hate to see that be the only thing stopping you from getting a transplant.  You get really used to it.  After a while, I began popping all of the pills in my mouth at one time and just swallowing them down.

[MIbarra]

 

[Wenchie58]

Charli..
   You sound SO much like me.  I had one kidney removed at the age of 4 and followed much the same path as you...things just kept slowing down and getting worse.  I can remember having to put pills in butter to make them slippery so I could swallow them one at a time.  Well...I had a transplant last October and just to encourage you...I take pills now all at once...take a big gulp of something I like to drink and swallow them!  I think we all have fears of dying (a big part of anxiety disorder), we all know it's gonna happen, but we put it off as long as possible.  Kidney disease isn't a picnic...but you can take one day at a time...smile a lot and laugh often.  Ok..ok..somedays you can feel like crap and get quite cranky!
  I'm always available to talk....PM me any time you'd like.  I will get back to you as soon as I can...we are all here for that reason, to support and help each other.  Even if it's just to give an internet hug.  Welcome to IHD!

[Romona]

 

[TeenHatesDialysis]

  Charli

Great support in this group.  I hope that you find additional support to help you with the meds.  In the past year, I have heard that there is work on a patch for the anti-rejection meds. Wouldn't that be GREAT!!! A PATCH that you would apply once per month and it would distribute the meds through your skin! 

Lots of great information and super support in this group 

[st789]

You will be alright?

Visit us as often as you can for supports.  We are all in this together.

[Rerun]

Charli you are in a big bind.  You hate needles, you can't swallow pills and you are afraid to die.  You can slip by with PD (Thank God for PD) and there is an alternative to swallowing pills.  Bend OVER!  That would not be fun either!  Do you have trouble swallowing donuts or a bite of pizza?  Then just throw a pill in the mulch before you swallow it.  With a big drink of something as a chaser.

The big question about dying is where we end up.  I have faith in Jesus Christ that through him I will be saved from hell. 

It may comfort you to know that if you ever quit dialysis it is a painless death.  You basically go to sleep.

[willieandwinnie]

  Charli. Glad you joined us and you will find lots of information and support here. Please post often and let us know how the PD training goes. 

[kellyt]

As for me, I'm not afraid of dieing.  I don't want to suffer, but the actual dieing doesn't scare me.  With the recent death of actress, Natasia Richardson (falling while skiing on the bunny slope), it just further confirms for me that when it's your time it's your time.  Granted, I haven't heard the results of her autopsy yet.  How else can you explain strange deaths like this, or others who have survived horrible accidents only to live to tell the story.  God has it all planned out.  To me there can be no other explaination.

[Bajanne]

Welcome to our community, Charli!  As you have seen, this is the place to be once you are dealing with the renal challenge.  Many can relate to what you are going through.  As some have already said, faith in God can be a means of real comfort.
There is nothing that you can't overcome!  I am convinced of that.  Things that seemed very difficult can somehow become easy.  My caring thoughts and prayers are with you, that things work out for you.  Don't forget that you have a genuine family here 
Looking forward to hearing more from you.





Bajanne, Moderator

[David13]

Welcome, Charli!   

I think you have come to the right place.  You find a great deal of information and support here.  I hope we are able to answer some of your questions and to help you work through some of your fears.

I hope to see you posting often.

[Joe Paul]

Welcome Charli, good to have you aboard.

[MandaMe1986]

Welcome, happy to have you 

[kristina]

Welcome Charli, sorry about your predicament. At one occasion in hospital I found myself too exhausted to swallow any more huge heavy-duty antibiotics which also gave me "heavy-duty" side-effects. The pharmacist was called and advised me to cut these huge tablets into little pieces and sprinkle them into a sandwich between the salad and cheese. It worked and after a while I also became more relaxed again.