Depression

[Loretta]

I am so depressed!   I  have been on dialysis for two years now.  Last September I made some major changes in my life.  I got out from under some major stress that I had been living with for some time. I moved away from my schizo affective daughter that was robbing my blind, and moved in with my mom and handicapped brother.  Things felt so good!  I now think I was manic from then through the holidays.  I accomplished some major things.  I sewed and did crafts most of the night every night.  Now I have hit a low.  I live with my mom but I can't really talk to her.  I hate my General practitioner.  I am going to see my other daughter and my grandson tomorrow and I am so depressed I can't stop crying.  Usually when I get to see them I am super excited and just can't wait.  It is her birthday, otherwise I would come up with an excuse to cancel my trip.   It is a 2 and a 1/2 hour drive.

[kellyt]

I'm sorry you're feeling depressed.  Try to enjoy your trip and visit with your daughter and grandson and know that your IHD Family is thinking of you.  You'll come through this.  We're all here for each other.     

[Dan.Larrabee]

Hang in there Loretta! Try to enjoy your trip, birthdays are always fun. Put the top down for your trip and crank your favorite tunes. If you can’t put the top down, just hang your head out the window like your cute dog would do.

[Bajanne]

I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this.  But I know that you will make it through.  You have a group of caring people here rooting for you.  Just do as the others have advised - enjoy your trip, enjoy the time with your daughter and grandson.  Just live for the day.  Let yesterday and tomorrow take care of themselves. 

[jessup]

Oh geez mate
Just like Bajanne2000 said
I believe it too
You WILL get through this
Just remember
You have lots of dear mates here
Take care dear mate
 
Yes - enjoy your trip and live for the day
Take care mate

[pelagia]

Please consider speaking with a doctor or your social worker about your depression.  Both counseling and drugs can help.

This website has resources for those who are depressed, including moderated message boards:

http://www.webmd.com/depression/

[monrein]

I hope you will find someone to talk to about how you're feeling Loretta.  Depression is common for us renal patients (and sometimes for our family members too) and there are some things that can be helpful.  It is extremely difficult to cope with by yourself so I hope you'll be proactive again and seek out something different for yourself.

[Rerun]

Try and find another sewing or craft project.  I'm just starting one of those fleece blankets.  You get 2 pieces of fleece and put them together and make strips all around and then tie them.  I know I feel better about myself when I'm productive.  When I just sit for days I start feeling down. 

Go see your daughter and grandson.  Treat yourself to a Starbucks and drive........

[boxman55]

I agree with Rerun, try and keep busy. I do it wit my trains. Working on the layout...Boxman

[Loretta]

Thanks for your careing words.  It makes a big difference.  I will enjoy my daughter and grandson today.  I think I have packed everything she wanted me to bring plus a birthday cake and candles.  I will stop for ice cream just before I get there. The sun is shining and the drive should be good as well.
Love to all,
 Loretta

[cris]

yeah, right on! go out, enjoy the sun, feel the wind, that will lighten you up. and if you need someone to listen, we are here anytime.

love you,
cris

[paddbear0000]

Having gone through severe depression myself, I know where you are coming from. In November, I finally decided to start seeing a psychologist. During our first meeting, I was crying so much, that she immediately referred me to an intensive outpatient psychiatric program for a month. I went 3 hours a day, 3 days a week. During that time, I met a number of people with depression, anxiety and other psychiatric problems, and learned a great deal. Based on what you have described, I truly think you may be bipolar, level 1. You should really seek some help. Between a psychologist, medication and group therapy, I haven't been this at peace with my life and what is happening to me in years. My treatment has literally been a life-saver.

If I were you, if you don't like your doctor, I would find a new one. They can refer you to someone who can help. If you have regular insurance a(I realize you probably have at least Medicare because of the ESRD) and you don't need referrals for specialists (PPO's don't require them), then I would just find a therapist on your own.

I am very sorry you are going through this. Just know that we are here for you any time you want to vent, cry, chat, whatever. We truly care about you! 

[Loretta]

paddbear, do you have information about bipolar. What makes you say I may be level 1?  Just interested.  My daughter is bi polar, or at least they called it bipolar before the schizo characteristics stared coming out.  (My daughters are adopted)

[paddbear0000]

After reading your post, I realized I meant you might be a level 2, not 1. I'm sorry! There are 2 levels (or the severity) in bipolar. Level 2 is less severe than level 1. Basically, it means that you are still functional when you are in a down period. Level 1's are so severe that they can not even function in day to day life and may even be suicidal.

Wikipedia's page on bipolar is a great source of information, as it clearly categorizes the different ypes of bipolar. The psychiatric nurse in the program actually handed a printout of this out to us.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bipolar_disorder#Bipolar_II

Unfortunately I don't have any of the papers from the sessions anymore, otherwise I'd be happy to have sent them to you!

[twirl]

it is so easy to be depressed while on dialysis
this is my 4th year

[phey12]

So I guess this news I've searched isn't true? Dialysis patients diagnosed with depression are nearly twice as likely to be hospitalized or die within a year than those who are not depressed, a UT Southwestern Medical Center researcher has found. I guess so, because I've heard being depressed while on dialysis is common.

[kitkatz]

Depressed, angry, pissed off, raging mad, tired, exhausted are all dialysis feelings.  We deal with them as they come.

[LightLizard]

it's impossible to avoid at least a bout with depression if you're a dialysis patient. it goes with the territory. mine comes and goes, as i think it does for most of us. i don't buy the psychological terminologies and their treatments make me nauseous. it's normal to get depressed when your life is so devastated. in fact, it would be abnormal to not get depressed. you would be a masochist, if you didn't. so celebrate the fact that you are normal.
now, you need to do things that make you feel good to change your mood, your perspective. deep breathing, take ten deep, slow, full breaths. afterwards, i challenge you to tell me honestly that you feel worse. sing a song, beat a drum, tell a joke. while you're driving on the hiway, open your window and scream at the top of your lungs for a bit. punching a pillow is good, too. learn a musical instrument.
remember that things could be worse.

[paddbear0000]

The death rate might be higher because some dialysis patients who are depressed may not take as good care of themselves as those who aren't.      Just my 

[purple]

Hi firstly thanks for the link to the site to see what it is that is going on in side my head.


I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, I also have Bi polar, I have been accused before I started taking meds. That I was stoned or high on something, I would be so high that you would just about have to scrap me off the ceiling. Then something or nothing would happen and I would come crashing back to earth, with tears and the feeling of being enveloped by the blackness. When I was up, I was invinsible, I was reckless, I never thought about consequences. I never thought. Then when I would crash I would cry all day every day, for no reason. Or I would want to sleep all day. Or not be able to be social with anyone, not even those closest to me. I would go through weeks where I would not even get out of bed, I would not shower or eat. I have no idea where the days would go but I was lost to the world. It is hard for anyone whom is having dialysis. Give your self a break and remember that you are a very special person.  Without even knowing it you have changed my day, you have made me realise that I am not alone, that there is another person out there whom has the same thought patterns and sillyness as I do. THANK YOU for that.  I hope that you find the answers that you seek and that your life becomes more even.

Just on a different thingy, I started taking meds for my PTSD and bi polar Dec 07 and I can now tell you with in about an hour when I will crash. My moods are no longer the roller coaster that they had been all of my life. I now know when I miss my meds. even my daughter MOUSE can see when I have missed a tablet. I still don't handle stress very well and often think that I am a stress head.  Please if there is nothing else I can do to help you please know that you are not on your own. The depression will abait even if only for a little while. PLease look after your self, not indulge your self. If you feel your mood is poor make your self do soemthing, like go for a swim, or a walk, play a game, read a good book, do something that is relaxing but stimulating to make you think of something else. DON"T rehash all your mistakes when you are "down" keep your self busy.
Purple