Tell Us Your Story: Learning to LoseADVANCE for LPNS
02-03-09
Recently, I lost my 87-year-old father. I went back to work as a staff nurse at our local hospital immediately after the funeral. I felt that was my only salvation.
Five weeks after the death of my father, one of my patients was not doing so well. He was in end stages of renal failure. Something about this man was overwhelming for me.
When I came into his room and said his name and told him who I was, he always opened his eyes. The only thing he could say was yep or no, because he was so weak and so short of breath. He would not eat for anyone, but when I was there and trying to feed him, he would try and eat. He would even take his medicine for me.
After a few days and several dialysis treatments, he felt he had had enough. He did not want to live anymore. I was in there when he waved his arm at everyone to acknowledge that was it. I asked him did he want to stop all his treatments, medicine and whatever else there was. He shook his head yes and seemed at peace with it.
I, along with a very nice and gentle RT, tried to explain that if we stopped everything, it would be just a matter of time before he died. I was fighting off the tears, and all I could do was hold onto his hand. He held onto mine with all the strength he had. His sister was in the room at the time. She said that he had told her a long time ago that if he was so bad that there was no quality of life, he wanted to die.
I called the doctor. While I waited for him to call me back, I started tearing up. The tears would not stop. I sat at my desk trying to compose myself so I could go back into the room, but I could not stop crying. All I thought about was my father and now someone that touched my heart was dying.
Maybe it was too soon after my father had died. I don't really know. The other nurses on the floor came over and immediately knew what was going on with me. They rallied around me, comforting me and understanding what I was going through. All I could say was, "I am a nurse, I should be used to this - it is part of my job and look at me." But you know what? You can never get used to it.
- Duffy Armillotti, LPN
Sebring, FL
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