Really bad day!

[karen547]

Okay so today seemed like it was going to be a nice day. My mom seemed fine and all. Then she comes home after running an errand, and she just loses it! I mean shes like karen im effing tired , put away these groceries! I am putting away the groceries, anyhow without her asking me too. I know why shes upset, she just came back from emptying her late moms condo, so I am trying to be as patient with her as I can. Well anyways something sets me off, I think that I am just really stressed from worrying about her dying, me being on dialysis and doing a full load of classes, etc. I dunno, I just started yelling as loud as I can at her, I mean loud, I dunno what happened to me, I guess I have a lot of pent up anger/sadness.frustration in me that I just lost it. I hate when I yell at her because I know shes dealing with a lot, but shes not on any anti-depressants anymore, says she hated her last counselor, and when she sees her oncologist wont let my dad go with her so I doubt she tells him shes having a hard time coping with things, which excuse me for this but PISSES THE HELL OUT OF ME, and my dad. My dad even thinks maybe she should be committed for maybe a month because she seems to be somewhat bipolar. I am going to start talking to my counselor again at dialysis. I just cannot take things like they are at the moment. I just feel like im being pulled in so many different directions and never take the time to really relax. I am always worrying about my parents, or something else, and its getting to be a lot to take on my own.

[Sluff]

Sounds like you all should see a counselor, however counselors can be hard to handle when they tell you something you really don't want to hear. My point here is, what makes people think the counselors are right? Ok so I'm on the fence when it comes to counselors, but I saw one for 18 months after my divorce because I wasn't sure about some things and it helped me at the time. Did any of this make sense? I hope you feel relief soon.

[karen547]

yeah i agree. I know this sounds so stupid, but in a way, I am angry at her for being sick. I just wish I had my mom back, shes not the way she used to be. I like seeing counselors, as I am going to school to become one myself, but I agree they are not for everyone.

[Sunny]

Sorry about the rough day. Bet tomorrow will be better.
Your Mom is going through a very hard time right now with her treatment and all. She is bound to be very moody at times. When you sense this in her, just stay quiet and steer clear till her mood passes. This will help you too because then you won't be pulled into her moodiness and you won't lash out as much. With all the things you've got going on in your life right now, school and kidney disease and plenty of other things, you need to keep your inner peace. I tell you this having been a mother of two kids while undergoing chemotherapy 7 years ago. Give her space at times like this for your own self preservation, and because she probably can't completely help her moods due to the meds. Good luck Karen. I hope your classes are fun.

[Joe Paul]

My point here is, what makes people think the counselors are right?

That is one of the best pieces of advice I have heard in a long time. Most counselors read about life situations, rarely can you find one that has lived through the problems their patients are facing. I think thats why IHD forums are  popular, lots of great people who have "been there, done that"
Sunny also has great advice, best thing is NO CHARGE 

[breezysummerday]

From what I can gather of your posts, I see your mom as being a caregiver.  I consider myself one.  Sometimes I've  lost it.
Maybe I've just mopped the floor and our pets not 5 minutes later have tracked the floor with dirt.   Anyways, my wish is that you give
everyone time to process (time and reflection) of what was verbalized.  Also from what I gather is that you are refreshing and honest.
---carry on---- sweetpea   

[twirl]

Karen, I am sorry and I know it will get better-
so easy to regret things said under stress-
I know this, it just happened to me
good thoughts to you and your mom

[monrein]

We all lose it from time to time and especially when a whole household is under so much stress.  I think you know exactly the reasons that are at the bottom of all the stress as you articulate them so clearly Karen.  I think it's a really good idea to talk to a counselor to relieve some of the feelings that can build up and to talk about how to keep your cool at home when what you really feel like doing is exploding.  Anger and sadness are very often just two sides of the same coin and both are useful but hard to cope with especially when they start to consume us.
Be as patient and forgiving as you possibly can be with both your Mom AND yourself.
 

[RichardMEL]

  Karen.... hoping things improve... Stress sucks....

[pelagia]

Maybe you can rent a funny movie and watch it together with your mom.  Sometimes laughter is the best medicine.  I have some friends who are the best counselors I could ever ask for as they have been through a lot in their own lives and also know how to make me laugh. Do you have anyone older - an aunt, or maybe one of your mom's friends - who you can talk to?

[G-Ma]

Stress is horrible and everyone has given you such good advice/encouragement....I had reached the point I decided to see a psychiatrist because my clinic counselor was not in existance and then I found this site and this group has helped me and this me my family more than I believe any sessions would have. So, we each do what we need to or what helps us and yes sometimes we "lose" it, just step back, apologize and move on.

[karen547]

Thanks everyone for your support/kind words/advice. I am so thankful for each one of you guys! I wouldnt be able to do any of this without you! I think things around here will be okay. I am going to start seeing my social worker at dialysis once a week starting next Friday. My mom and I made up, and my parents have made up as well. I think my dad is starting to realize that my mom is on some heavy duty medicine and her horomones are out of whack. I hope when she sees her doctor tomorrow she explains to him how shes been feeling, and that she needs someone to talk with. 

Karen

[thegrammalady]

glad you see a light at the end of the tunnel   

[Deanne]

Karen, It sounds like you have some great insight about what's going on and what you need to help you cope. Hang in there!