Gift to a stranger

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Saturday, 6/14/2008 5:19 pm
Peace Arch News > Community > Gift to a stranger

Gift to a stranger

By Hannah Sutherland - Peace Arch News - June 14, 2008

Cheryl Smith remembers lying in the intensive care unit, plagued with fear of leaving her husband a widower and her three children without a mom.

Her organs were failing, her respiratory system was shutting down and she was on dialysis to replace the loss of function in her kidneys. Smith was only 35 years old.

Suffering from toxic shock syndrome, a result of using tampons, Smith spent 11 days in the ICU unit of the Edmonton hospital.

Hospital staff told Smith’s family to gather; they weren’t sure she was going to make it. The possibility became all the more serious when she had to be resuscitated three times.

Smith was very afraid of dying, especially during the night.

When she opened her eyes in the darkness, it was only when she saw her husband or father at her side, holding her hand and telling her everything would be OK, that she felt safe.

The two took shifts staying with Smith, soothing her when she was startled awake and interlacing their fingers in hers as a reminder she wasn’t alone.

BEING AN active volunteer in Edmonton, Smith continued to give back when she moved to the Peninsula 10 years ago.

Having been a patient 25 years prior, and with her mother recently dying in a palliative care unit, she wanted to help in the health sector.

Smith, 60, began working with the White Rock Hospice Society, which offers support to people facing a life-limiting illness and those grieving the death of a loved one. When the Vigil Team was launched three years ago, Smith was one of the first to volunteer.

Working out of three local care facilities, the 37-volunteer team is called when medical staff determine a patient is in the last 24 to 72 hours of life. Volunteers sit with the patient in three-hour shifts, throughout the day and night, until he or she dies.

Surviving her own life-threatening illness, Smith knows first-hand how comforting it is to have a supportive presence. She believes strongly in providing that comfort for others.

“It’s a gift to a total stranger.”

The patients are usually seniors who volunteers have never met before, and tend to be unresponsive by the time the team is called.

Volunteers ask the medical staff what the patient enjoys, be it listening to music or having their hand held. They also bring a ‘comfort cart’ with a CD player, books for the family and a journal, which each volunteer writes a comment in at the end of their shift.

Although the patients tend to be unresponsive, Smith said hearing is usually the last sense to go, so volunteers spend time speaking softly to the person.

While Smith usually volunteers during the 6 to 9 a.m. shift, some volunteers are up with a patient in the middle of the night. Many of them continue to hold down a full-time job, some volunteering from 3 to 6 a.m., before going home to shower and heading to work.

The vigil team isn’t only there for patients who don’t have anyone to be by their side. They also provide relief to families who need to get some sleep or take a break. The process can be especially straining for elderly people, Smith said, such as an 85-year-old wife who is unable to sit with her dying husband.

“It gives her huge comfort to know he’s not there alone,” she said.

The amount of time Smith dedicates to the program varies. One month, she’ll sit five vigils and the next she’ll have none. She recalls one case where three vigils were taking place at the same time. Almost all of the volunteers were called in, which is why the team only covers three care facilities.

Volunteers range from 20 to 80 years old, and include university professors, former nurses, retirees and students.

“It’s a huge, wide spectrum of people,” she said.

They undergo a 40-hour training session upon volunteering, and the entire group meets several times a year to talk about their experiences.

Smith often meets people who don’t understand how she could sit with someone who is dying, but for her, the experience is more spiritual than frightening.

“People are so excited about the process of birth but so afraid of the process of dying, but it’s just as sacred an experience,” she said.

“Once you’ve experienced it, there’s nothing to be afraid of.

“It’s made me very not afraid to die because I’ve seen how spiritual it is.”

SMITH WALKS into the room the elderly man shares with three other people.

Multiple TVs are blaring on different channels while he lays still in his bed.

Smith pulls the curtains around him to create a more private space, before pulling up a chair and sitting at his side.

Although his eyes are closed and his body is still, she introduces herself.

“Hello. My name is Cheryl Smith,” she says in a soft voice. “I’m just going to sit with you for a while.”

She strokes his arm and begins to think peaceful thoughts in hopes he will have an easy journey.

“You’re fine. You’re in a safe place.”

Smith slips into a meditative state, blocking from her mind the stress and chaos of the outside world.

Time slows to a manageable pace, when she can escape the demands of life and sit in silence, in self-reflection.

She spends the next hour and a half this way, before the man she has been sitting with suddenly awakens and stares wide-eyed at her.

He then turns and looks up at the ceiling as if he is seeing something, takes two deep breaths, closes his eyes and dies.

Smith considers it an honour that the man died on her shift, and, to this day, looks back on that last moment as powerful and moving.

When he looked at her, she had the feeling he knew someone was with him during those final hours – that even if he couldn’t see or hear anyone, he wasn’t alone.

To volunteer with the White Rock Hospice Society, call 604-531-7484.

http://www.bclocalnews.com/surrey_area/peacearchnews/community/19930329.html