Care giver.. heal theyself!

[mysty]

Ok.. So I'm reading on a website and came across links and such.. Found this below.  And although I might not agree with all of it.. I do see some important points.  I thought I would share it with you all..

I'm not day to day with Keith yet.. and being here prior to that is the best thing that could have happened..

Web MD Medical News reported on the findings of a recent national study stating, “The stress of caring for a chronically ill loved one is jeopardizing the health of millions of Americans.” Caregivers often become so overwhelmed they neglect themselves and suffer both physically and mentally. Many forget to eat or have stomach problems that make eating difficult. Misuse of prescription drugs or alcohol is common. Many become physically sick and will put off seeing their own doctors. But most alarming is the rate of depression for caregivers is extremely high. Love is why caregivers risk their own health and wellbeing. Unfortunately, the lack of attention to their own health has lead many to become sicker than the person they are caring for. You cannot care for someone else if you need someone to care for you. Stress will wear you down and it will make you ill. Here are some tips to help protect you from “caregiver burnout”:

Attitude. Stop focusing on the bad and start looking for the good. Bad is always there, but so is good and you will notice it more if you focus on it. A positive attitude is scientifically proven to positively impact both mental and physical health. Dialysis is a treatment that has given your loved one a second chance for life. There are many treatment options available and one can be chosen that fits with your family’s lifestyle.

Remember whose illness this is. A dialysis patient will have their bad days, but for the most part, they can still (and should) be expected to have responsibilities. They can do laundry, wash dishes, make a bed, feed a pet, watch the children or manage the bills. They should also be the ones responsible for taking their medications, getting their full treatment and eating the right foods. Roles may change, but the person with kidney disease can continue to be an active and valuable member of the family.

Ask for help. You need to accept that you cannot do everything for everyone all of the time. Take note of the people in your life. Ask your neighbor to pick up a few things at the store while they’re there. Ask members of your church to help with transportation to dialysis. Ask your friend to pick up the kids from school or your family to keep them for the weekend. Consider hiring a professional to help with some of the care and ask your social worker to help you locate one.

Take care of your mind. Give yourself permission to take a break and get away on a regular basis. For example, make a standing date with your friends, like every Tuesday, to have dinner or go to a movie. (To keep the cost down, make it potluck and a video or DVD.) If being all by yourself sounds better, treat yourself to a manicure, go fishing, or drive to a park or the beach.

Socialization is important. Human beings are social creatures and have a need to feel connected to others. Friends and family are great, but you may want something more, such as a support group. If there isn’t one in your area, consider starting one yourself. You can find many ideas and tips for doing this on-line. Search with the words “starting a support group”. (If you don’t have a computer at home, use the one at the library.) You do not have to be a professional to lead a support group.

Take care of your body. Be sure you are getting enough sleep and exercise. Exercise is an important way to build strength and burn off stress. Exercise should not be a chore! Do an activity you enjoy. If you get your friends involved, you can make it a social occasion, too. If you are having trouble sleeping, regular exercise can help you get a better night’s sleep. You can also try meditation to help relax and calm you before bed. There are CDs available at your local library or bookstore to help you learn meditation.

A healthy diet is also an important part of taking care of yourself. Make sure you eat plenty of fresh fruits, vegetables and protein (including nuts and beans and whole grains). Eating well helps to keep your body strong to fight illness.

Recognize signs of stress. Common signs you are overwhelmed include: too much sleep or trouble sleeping, muscle pain or tension, headaches, stomach or intestinal problems, weight gain or loss, frequent colds or infections, anxiety, depression, lack of concentration, feeling out of control and increased substance abuse. If you are not able to reduce these symptoms alone, seek help. It is not selfish to take care of yourself and it does not mean you care any less for your loved one. In fact, you have a responsibility to make sure you are physically and mentally well so you can continue to give the greatest care to the person you love. Changes do not have to make your life a burden. Recognize that you have the ability to cope with stress in a healthy way so you can more fully enjoy the time you have with your loved one.

[kitkatz]

Yes, to all of it.

[Mimi]

Good advice.  Caregivers really need to take care of there own health, mentally and physically.  I was my
mother's caregiver for 15 months after she had her stroke, so I know how demanding it is.  You must take
time for yourself.

Love, Mimi

[flip]

I really feel fortunate to be my own caregiver. I would hate to burden anyone with what we have to go through. I think it makes a big difference in your attitude when you know you have to fend for yourself.

[mysty]

Flip.. I never once complained nor the thought crossed my mind..
When you love someone... it comes naturally.. and between a couple..
what is more natural...

I'm not the type to cut and run when things get rough.. that's when you hang in there
and learn what love truly is.

Taking care of my grandma.. was hard.. but i DONT regret a minute of it..
We shared so many things.. thoughts ideas.. tears.. and smiles...
No.. wouldnt change one second of it.. not one..

And.. trust me.. IT'S NOT A BURDEN!..It's love and so much more that is with out words..

[petey]

Being a caregiver is extremely hard (my husband Marvin has been on dialysis for 13 years).  I find that I often ignore my own health just as the article stated and put off going to my doctor until I'm quite sick.  The mental, emotional, and physical stress on a caregiver is enormous.  However, being Marvin's caregiver and being here to help him through this is not a burden; it is the honor of a lifetime for me to be able to make his journey easier, better, happier.  I feel like I am "special" because God brought me and Marvin together many years ago, knowing that I would be his caregiver some day.  God knew I could handle this.  Being Marvin's wife has brought -- and continues to bring -- love, happiness, laughter, fun, and meaning to my life.  And, that far outweighs the troubles and stress of also being his caregiver.  Ours is a shared load (and Marvin does all he can for himself), and though my part of the load is sometimes more than Marvin's, I wouldn't have missed this for the world!

[mysty]

Absolutely Petey.. I agree with you that you were made and created to be here with him and share this path with him.. NO DOUBT..

But.. do take care of yourself as well....
And I agree with you.. it is NOT a burden..

I only hope that I can be half as good and loving to Keith as you are to Marvin..

[petey]

When you love him, mysty, it's very, very, very easy.  Life is good despite all the hurdles we must jump and all the troubles we must endure.  From what I've read, your love for Keith is strong.  That alone will get you through.  Yes, Marvin is definitely "high maintenance," and his disease and subsequent dialysis take a lot of my time, my attention, and my energy.  But, oh my goodness, he's worth it!!!!!  Being a "dialysis patient" is a part of him, but it's a small part of the overall Marvin.  He's also my best friend, my lover, my happiness, my joy, my reason for living, and my entertainment (he makes me laugh).  I don't see him as a dialysis patient who's my husband -- I see him as my husband who just happens to be a dialysis patient.  I think it's important to get those two things in the right order.

[flip]

You alll are totally awesome and I really respect what you are doing. Living alone with no close family can be awful at times but you have to pull yourself up and go on. Sometimes I think it would be nice to have someone to help with shopping, cooking, laundry, etc. My hat is off to all the caregivers.

[mysty]

Petey.. you speak the truth.. you aren't married to a D patient.. you are married to a wonderful man who goes to D.

I don't see that in Keith.. when I met him he let me know right off and I thought.. ok.. and???
Just part of who he is.. but I see in him as the most major part.. a wonderful caring sweat loving considerate.. (shall i continue?).. that's who I see..

Ups and down with the whole dialysis thing..sure there will be..
Am I ready for it?  absolutely.. If he doesnt know I would walk thru fire for him.. he will know in time.

Am I going to marry him.. you betcha!...Been waiting for Mr. Right and boy did he ever sneak his way into my heart.  I was about bound and determined to become a bag lady with 50 cats (yeah i know.. but you end up thinking that after the guys you meet are all loosers in some way or another)

Flip..let me tell you this..
To be alone period....is hard.
Keith has been solo for years and years.. sure a date here and there.. a few months with a possible someone.. but not the same as someone you know is committed till the end.. and.. I have my own set of medical issues too.. just not as heavy duty as his.  Heck he worries about me and wants to take care of me.. (talk about falling back huh?)

I see no reason whatsoever Flip.. to not having someone in your life.. none.. zippo, zilcho.. nada baby...
There is someone for everyone..
We will talk more.. promise..

[annabanana]

Mysty, Thank you for this post! It comes at a good time for me. I've been feeling depressed lately and consumed with worry obout Randy's illnesses. This post really helped me get back to where I want to be. I think the most important thing is that we keep looking at the good parts of life. Like Petey said: Life is good despite all the hurdles.

Petey, you set a good example for all of us. Your devotion is beautiful!

[mysty]

Annabanana.. big hugs.. 

And Petey.. heck.. she's my idol.. 
I've learned more about relationships from reading what she writes more than anything else...

[petey]

Thank you, mysty and annabanana!  Your kind words make me feel good about myself.   Being Marvin's "partner" -- in life, in love, and, yes, even in dialysis -- defines who I am.  There is NOTHING I could have ever done on my own to have deserved the opportunity to share my life with a man as absolutely terrific as Marvin; I'm so lucky that God put us together!!  And, what I "do" for Marvin is minimal -- minute, even -- compared to what he does for me.  He makes me whole.  He makes me complete.  He makes me happy.

[willieandwinnie]

petey, your making me cry again. Stop that...... And by the way, what did you do with Marvin? He hasn't been on-line, don't trust us?? Keeping him busy with honey do list?? We just want to borrow him for a little while. Promise. 

[del]

Ditto to what petey wrote!!  Dialysis is a major part of our lives but in the big picture it is a small part.  We fit dialysis around our lives.  He does his part around the house and mine too sometimes!!  When you love someone the problems and difficulties don't  seem a burden ( and we have had ours) . We have realized though that life can be short and to enjoy every moment that you can!!  We spend all the time we can together. as well as being husband and wife we are each others best friend and each others buddy. 

[Ohio Buckeye]

Awwwwwwww, you caretakers (and future caretaker) are so terrific.
Petey your posts are so great.  I admire you.
I cared for my husband 7 years before he passed away.
He was on oxygen and very limited.
I wish I had those 7 years and more to live again with him.
I have been through so many crisis in the past 2 years wiith broken hand bones,
leg amputation, heart stopping that I would not want to drag anyone through
this kind of a life and can't imagine a man wanting to take that all on.

[annabanana]

"I would not want to drag anyone through
this kind of a life and can't imagine a man wanting to take that all on."
 
You know, Ohio Buckeye, if I had just met my husband, and he told me of all his physical problems, I would still not even hesitate to be with him. The good, the true love, far outweighs the suffering!