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job application
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Topic: job application (Read 1657 times)
okarol
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Photo is Jenna - after Disneyland - 1988
job application
«
on:
February 03, 2008, 03:36:06 PM »
This is an actual job application that a 75 year old senior citizen submitted to Wal-Mart in Arkansas. They hired him because he was so funny.
-------------------------
NAME: Kenneth Way
SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate).
DESIRED POSITION: Company President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target of middle management hostility.
PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
PREFERRED HOURS:
1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment .
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?: Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be, "Do you have a car that runs?"
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell me.
DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no! On my breaks - yes!
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blond super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
NEAREST RELATIVE: 7 miles
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely.
-------------
***Old People Rock!***
Logged
Admin for IHateDialysis 2008 - 2014, retired.
Jenna is our daughter, bad bladder damaged her kidneys.
Was on in-center hemodialysis 2003-2007.
7 yr transplant lost due to rejection.
She did PD Sept. 2013 - July 2017
Found a swap living donor using social media, friends, family.
New kidney in a paired donation swap July 26, 2017.
Her story --->
https://www.facebook.com/WantedKidneyDonor
Please watch her video:
http://youtu.be/D9ZuVJ_s80Y
Living Donors Rock!
http://www.livingdonorsonline.org
-
News video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J-7KvgQDWpU
boxman55
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Re: job application
«
Reply #1 on:
February 03, 2008, 08:39:15 PM »
can I use it ...Boxman
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"Be the change you wished to be"
Started Hemodialysis 8/14/06
Lost lower right leg 5/16/08 due to Diabetes
Sister was denied donation to me for medical reasons 1/2008
CW
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Yeah .............That's me!
Re: job application
«
Reply #2 on:
February 03, 2008, 09:42:15 PM »
Logged
*Common Sense is an uncommon thing
20 years navigating ESRD
Had a transplant but it rejected
To all of my kidney brothers and sisters who have left too soon -
Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night. I miss you like hell. ~Edna St Vincent Millay
Bajanne
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Goofynina and Epoman - Gone But Not Forgotten
Re: job application
«
Reply #3 on:
February 04, 2008, 04:58:19 AM »
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"To be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own ...but that which is based on faith"
I LOVE my IHD family!
Katonsdad
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Re: job application
«
Reply #4 on:
February 04, 2008, 05:01:24 PM »
Sorry can not resist ....
This can not be true. He's from Arkansas and said he has an education ?
Logged
Diabetes 1976
Eye issues 1987
Kidney Failure 1997
CAPD 1997 , Stopped 1997 due to infections evey 28 days
Started In Center Hemo 1997
Received Kidney/Pancreas transplant 1999 at UCLA
Wife and I had son in 2001 , by donor for my part (Stopping the illness train)
Kidney failed 2011 , Back on Hemo . Looking to retransplant as the Kidney is still working
Soft kitty, warm kitty,
little ball of fur,
happy kitty,sleepy kitty,
purr purr purr ::
Sheldon and Penny on The Big Bng Theory
st789
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Re: job application
«
Reply #5 on:
February 28, 2008, 10:35:49 AM »
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rose1999
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Re: job application
«
Reply #6 on:
February 28, 2008, 10:38:29 AM »
Love it
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willieandwinnie
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Re: job application
«
Reply #7 on:
February 28, 2008, 10:41:41 AM »
Good one okarol. Len and I have been talking about updating his resume. I think I'll slip this in.
Logged
"I know there's nothing to it, but I want to know what it is there's nothing to"
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