Really strange reaction

[kellyt]

Hi all.  I had a really strange reaction today...from myself!!  I received a call early this morning from a dear, lifelong friend who I haven't spoken to in about a year.  Before than it had been quite a few years.  You know, life and all getting in the way.  We talked for a long time and then I finally said (with tears in my eyes) "I'm so glad you called.  I've been meaning to get in touch with you and tell you that we are currently in the testing phase and hoping to transplant in March."

Thinking that I would get a big "gasp" and "OMG" and "are you serious?", etc. etc.  I was shocked to get "That's great! That's wonderful!  I'm so happy for you!"

Now, that is a GREAT answer.  So why was I expecting to get pity?  I think I wanted pity.  I felt really stupid afterwards.  And then I was grateful that she didn't pity me.  I guess I quickly went through a short range of emotions kind of like when a child who does something bad and fully expects to be smacked or yelled at and instead gets a laugh or hug from the adult.  I could feel I had a funny and confused look in my face!

I need to get more positive!  I've been dumping on myself for too long now.  This is all happening come hell or high water and I need to wake the !&*# up!

Thanks for listening.        Anyone else find yourself feeling the same?   I'm really quite embarrassed...

[Joe Paul]

I hate to say it, but, the answer you expected is the answer most give. I get mad at my Wife sometime, because she is the one who tells everyone I am on dialysis. I would rather people don't know, because of the "I  feel sorry for you" answer, or look on their face. I don't feel sorry for myself anymore, and I don't like others to either, which is why I say I would rather nobody knows. Sounds to me like maybe you haven't grieved for yourself yet, I mean sat down and had a good cry, after all, life as we knew it is no more. I felt so much better after I did that, maybe its what you need to do too.

[Sunny]

Yes, I have felt like that too. In the beginning having this illness, pity was an expected reponse from those around me. However, after having lived with ESRD for a few years, people I know have become supportive about the postive aspects of living with ESRD. No more pity for me but rather happiness that I have found ways to survive successfully. In fact, only this year have I finally told old long-time friends about my illness. (The kind of friends you've known since childhood but only talk to every so often).

I have always been afraid to tell people of my ESRD because I don't want them to think I am fishing for a kidney donation. Mostly I get concerned responses and then they are glad to know I am managing to get along anyway.

Your friend responded the best way she knew how, considering the news given to her regarding your health. I'm sure she meant well.
And I hate to say it, but in a few more years of living with ESRD, you too will become better at living with it and will no longer have an excpectation of pity from anyone.

[kellyt]

I think what Joe Paul said is kind of true.  I have cried and I have felt sorry for myself, but I don't think I have grieved for the life I once had.  Before being diagnosed I had dreams and goals.  My only goal now is to bypass dialysis for as long as possible.  I guess I just didn't realize that I want the pity sometimes.  Strange. 

Maybe it's because I don't have my Mom around anymore to "kiss it and make it better".

Like I said, I'm going to be more positive.  You get back from the Universe what you give out.

Thanks again for responding.  Ya'll are so sweet.  I love IHD!!!

[BobT1939]

Your friend's response was the same one you would have received from anyone on this board. Good for you for having quickly understood it was a "great response"./bobt

[thegrammalady]

i'll "kiss and make it better"     i don't feel sorry for myself either. life is what happens while you're busy making other plans. accepted that one a long time ago. we all have our moments though. sounds like you've figured it out for now. ihd is sure a good place to land.

[Romona]

I think we all experience a such a range of emotions. It is such a scary thing to face. A reaction like your friends is great. When people said thing like that to me, I started to gain confidence in the transplant process.