I feel like a slacker!

[Brightsky69]

Hello,

I am just getting started on PD after a 17 year break. My transplant is not working very well anymore. Long story short....I still work full time. My bosses are very understanding when it comes to emergencies and doctor appointments and whatever else comes up because of my kidney problems.
I guess I like to be at work because I feel "normal" when I am there. Work is a normal everyday thing that people do and my mind is occupied with other thing rather than dialysis.
Today I was at work and told my boss I was  going to make a quick run into the clinic to get my cycler machine card fixed. My perscription had to change. Well....the nurse noticed I was carrying around 10 extra pound of fluid. She told me to go home and do an exchange to get that extra fluid off. I had originally told my boss that I'll only be about an hour and then I'll be right back to work. Well it didn't work out that way. I didn't have any clamps so i had to call round to find some then run and go get them. I called my boss and told him the story and said i would try and get back to work today.
He basically said....take care of yourself first before you try to rush back here. Take your time and if we see you back today that's great but if we don't see you until tomorrow then that OK too.

Hence I didn't go back to work......and I feel like such a slacker. I feel like I am playing hooky even thought I have to do an manual exchange and drain. UGH! I feel like a slacker. And I have a very good excuse not to go back to work. 

[twirl]

you are not a slacker
you have kidney problems
you did not stay off work and go shopping or to a movie

[Brightsky69]

Thanks Twirl,

I don't know what I was thinking. I did the manuel exchange and I fell like a overfilled water baloon. Man...there would be no way I could drive myself back to work. I feel like I ate a full Thanksgiving dinner. UGH!
I feel like a stuck pig.

[Chris]

Wouldn't say your a slacker either. You were trying to get back to work and circumstances that where dealt where not in your favor at that time.

I hope you feel better and got the extra fluid off.

[TynyWonder]

I would not have thought of you as a slacker either............just that you even FEEL bad about not going back to work says something in itself............to me, "slackers" would not care whether they were slacking off or not.........

[kitkatz]

Slacker! Slacker!   NOT!   

I have felt that way when I have had to do doctor appointments in the middle of the day.  Kaiser just doe snot get 2 o'clock and I can come to the appointment. If your boss was cool about, you need to be cool about it.

[monrein]

You actually do need to be a slacker but just not in the sense you mean Brightsky.  You need to cut yourself some slack in the best interest of your mind, body and all the rest of you too. 
I also find a little life lesson in what you said and that is that very often we simply do not know what another person is dealing or struggling with and many things are not at all apparent to the world at large.  I think we all should spend more time making judgments about ourselves rather than about others whose truths we really don't know the first thing about....sometimes we're so busy worrying about what others think, we end up putting more pressure on ourselves than anyone else ever would. 

So slack a bit will ya.

[Rerun]

I use to feel the same way at work.  I loved being there because it was normal.  Dialysis clinics are anything BUT normal.  FREAKS!  And I am one of them tied to a machine! 

Even on PD you feel 7 months pregnant!  Even if you are a guy! 

At work people talk about normal things and don't dwell on sickness and dry weights and needles.  They want you to listen to their problems.... like they have any, but it is fun to listen to normal little everyday problems.

You boss seems very understanding and he is probably just thankful he isn't YOU!  So, take the time you need and work when you can.

I admire you for sticking with it.  Keep it up!             

[Sluff]

You are not a slacker Brightsky, besides you have to take care of yourself or face some bad consequences, your boss seems to understand it so don't worry.

[dh514]

I feel the same way. I have to leave work a minimum of one trip to the pd nurse and one trip to the neprologist each month. If I have to go to the Dentist or do anything normal people do I feel guilty.

I know that what everyone else is telling you is true, but just wanted you to know that I understand.

[Brightsky69]

Thanks.

[iketchum]

I am also trying to stay working. I worry too much what the others at work think. They do not fully understand what we are going through. I guess we have to be satisfied with knowing we are doing our best. I do incenter 3 days aweek, I also fell and broke my hip at work. I was back to work in 3 weeks.

[RichardMEL]

Being able to work is very important to me - I totally understand what you're saying BS69 - it's important to focus on something positive and productive (well I know work sometimes isn't... ) and I very much enjoy the social aspects as well and being somewhere where I'm not focusing on dialysis and all that but on "normal" stuff.. so wanting to do as much as possible within the confines of dialysis is something very normal. You also have to be realistic though about where you're at - don't feel like a slacker though. A slacker would not want to work at all and sit in their a$$ doing nothing. Clearly that's not you and your bosses seem very understanding and supportive - which is so important and really good to have.

Hang in there!

[Brightsky69]

Thanks for the support.