Alone and being on dialysis

[sophiasmom]

Hi Everyone,

I just wanted to let those who are alone, and afraid they will not find love because they are "sick" and on dialysis,
to know this is not true.

I had been going to dialysis for 4 years when I lost my husband of 7 years from a sudden heart attack.  I was very afraid that
I would not find anyone who would want me, what with my "ugly arm" and having life altering kidney failure. Why would anyone
want me, when they could have a healthy person. 

I talked with my niece about this and she said "you'll find someone, I said no I won't, blah blah tear tear.  She told me of a friend
of hers who met a guy with cancer. That friend of hers fell in love with the guy regardless of his illness. He died 6 months later, but
the woman never regretted that love, and said it was one of her best loves ever.

Well, within a year I found someone who ended up loving me for me. After a while dating him, I broke down and cried and
told him about my kidney failure and a rare liver disorder I have. He asked "well is this going to kill you?"  I said well not immediately. 
We have been together 6 years now.
Anyway stay positive and hopefully love will find you when you least expect it.

Chris

[goofynina]

Very nicely said Chris, thank you for sharing that with all of us, i am sure it will be an inspiration to many 

[glitter]

nice story...I beleive true love is not about what you gain by being with someone- but by what you get to give of yourself to them.Being accepted.

[st789]

This really gives me hope to find a special someone in the near future.  Is it easy to disclose our condition to our potential partner?

[Falkenbach]

Beautiful post, sophiasmom. And even if you ARE alone, there are whole communities "out there" (e.g. this one right here!) who can support you through the hard times. 

[KICKSTART]

What a nice story and good for you.

[skyedogrocks]

What a great story Chris!  So happy for you and what a great guy you have!

[stauffenberg]

For those of you who live in England there is a society called 'disabled partners' which matches only people with disabilities, who will of course be more inclined to be understanding of each other's different problems.  A friend of mine in England suffers from Huntington's Chorea and is in need of a partner, so I suggested she join this group.  To my surprise, her response was that "she wouldn't want anyone with a disability as a partner!" even though she herself now makes uncontrollable jerks, ticks, and grunts because of her neurological disease.

A special problem for partnerless men on dialysis is that the majority of them are impotent, which can make gaining the romantic interest of a woman more difficult.

[Ohio Buckeye]

That is a great story to hear about.
My husband passed away also.
I don't get involved with anyone more than friendly lunches, etc.
as it would be nice to have someone to go through this with,
but I don't want to drag anyone else through this with me.
The bad times, the hard times, sick times,
or something like that. I don't want to add stress to someone's life I guess is it.
I wish I felt differently tho.

[keefer51]

When my wife of ten years had enough of this she met a man who was healthy and got remarried. Knowing this it really hurt me forever. I guess the marriage vows went out the window. I have been on dialysis now for three years. I have gone out on several dates and have always been honest about my health. I have never had a second date yet. It is hard to be alone with this. But i have excepted it. It is nice to hear when someone finds someone. I hope all goes well.

[goofynina]

When my wife of ten years had enough of this she met a man who was healthy and got remarried. Knowing this it really hurt me forever. I guess the marriage vows went out the window. I have been on dialysis now for three years. I have gone out on several dates and have always been honest about my health. I have never had a second date yet. It is hard to be alone with this. But i have excepted it. It is nice to hear when someone finds someone. I hope all goes well.

Don't give up looking Keefer, she is out there (maybe even in here)   ya never know when or where you'll find her, just listen to your heart 

[Sluff]

keefer,

I know how hard it must be with out a partner to share your life with. I do not have an answer but I can tell you that you seem like a wonderful person and I believe that there is someone for everyone in this world. I don't have a  crystal ball but I had an issue with an ex that left me because of financial troubles only to meet someone who turned out to be a sexual predator, she is now receiving her just rewards for her selfishness. He is in prison, she is broke with Attorney bills, etc. The grass is not greener on the other side. So hang in there my friend, the right one will come along. I honestly believe this.

[George Jung]

It's cliche but true when they say that it is better to have loved and lost then to never have loved at all.  I am in my early thirties and have not been married or produced any children and I don't know now that I ever will.  It is not a goal of mine to find these things in life however if they should happen to find me one day I would certainly embrace them.  I have issues with "attachment"  as I have learned how damaging it can be to one's path of enlightenment.  I have been a happier person in the recently past years (with the exception of kidney failure) from recognizing the dangers of emotional attachment as well as attachment to material property. 

I see it all the time in others how something that was soupposed to bring joy to their life turned out only bringing more troubles.  One example is my mom...........she is so emotionally attached to me (due to certain circumstances from many years ago, not just giving birth) that it has actually hindered our relationship. 

Another example could be my friends........they are both hard working, good, honest loving people who live in a nice house and are raising a wonderful 2yr old boy.  So they really wanted (should I say she wanted) a new car and one day after looking and looking for the right one they brought it home.  For the first few weeks they were all smiles and very happy about their new purchase then it became less and less new and exciting but they still loved the car and the joy it was bringing, until one day there was an accident in a parking garage.  The vehicle was damaged but even more than that there were weeks of tension around the house because of the damage to the vehicle and all the joy that was had transformed into something much less enjoyable. 

Point is that attachment can be a self inflicted wound and one should be cautious of this emotion, it can be very unhealthy.

[st789]

I had similiar experiences like you George with my up and down relationship with my mom.  She is very strong headed and has strong attachment to her children in term of expectations in certain areas.

At this point of my life, I do my best to simplify my life and let go of many attachments to free myself of unecessary stresses and burden.

[skyedogrocks]

When I first met Rob, I knew he had been a diabetic for many years.  As we developed our relationship, I found out the severity of his diabetes and also knew one day he may develop kidney disease.  Since I have known him, he has managed to be in the hospital every year for something (mostly diabetes related).  Rob gave me many chances to leave, he knew the stress it would put on our lives, but I couldn't.  I loved him and love can overcome so much!  I could never leave him, he is just the best thing that has ever happened to me.  He tells me now that he couldn't have gone through this without me.  I know can do this on his own, but he needs the emotional support.

My point is, never give up hope and don't close the door to love.

[KT0930]

My husband and I were very good friends for about a year and a half before we started dating, so he knew about my previous kidney transplants and what that could mean for the rest of my life. In fact, during that year and half, I was trying very hard to convince him that we should be more than friends, but he was hesitant for several reasons. One reason he was hesitant was that his mother had always been very sick when he was growing up, and he was worried about getting involved with someone who was also going to be very sickly. To make a long story short, I managed to appear to stay healthy for another year or so, we ended up dating and got married. Two days after the honeymoon, I got told I was going to go on dialysis and would need another transplant in the near future. God bless him, he's still with me and putting up with all this. I could do it without him (I went through it twice before I knew him), but he sure makes the journey a whole lot more enjoyable!!

[Ohio Buckeye]

Wwow, that is neat.
So good to hear a good story like that.