Transplant tomorrow morning - question about donor

[KellosKidney]

I have been reading here but not writing - I guess I felt like I was a bit in limbo because my kidneys have failed but I wasn't yet on dialysis because I was always "one step away" from a living donor. Many times my clinic told me there was a match for me and then I'd not hear from them again for a year. It was distressing and I had given up and was planning on starting dialysis.

Finally, in January, I was approached by someone at my job who told me they had been tested and were already approved and that they were my donor! I was speechless! The clinic called soon after to verify and things got rolling. We agreed to wait a little to square things away at work which is why it's just now happening.

This person is quite shy and when they email me to update me on a test they have taken or other info, they are very formal. They know me because of what I do for a living, I have been kind to them in the past and they heard about my need and stepped forward. Apparently we are a perfect match. Neither of us have CMV and the blood test they do to tell you how many antibodies you have? Mine says 0% so I think that is good.

I'm incredibly nervous and I am very worried about the donor - I want to show them my appreciation and so does my husband and family - but we're not sure what is appropriate? Like I said, I don't know this person well at all - having just met them once and exchanged 5 emails organizing the time and date. But this is a big deal! My husband wants to check on them and meet them after surgery, but I don't know if that's OK? This person has not mentioned that they are donating to me as far as I know and I've been very careful about their privacy, just in case they didn't want to be known. I'm still afraid they will change their minds and I'm terrified everytime the phone rings and it's the clinic.

Those who have been in this situation - what would you do?

And a second question - how much pain am I going to be in when I wake up? I don't know what to expect at all (my clinic doesn't really say much, though it's a big one and I know that I don't have to take steroids as maintenance). Thank you all and I'm sorry to just come here in need after lurking all this time!

[MooseMom]

That's quite the amazing story!  I am so glad you've decided to join IHD to share this tale!

I can't begin to fully understand the motivation behind your donor's offer, so I DO understand how difficult it must be to know what to do to adequately show your appreciation.  And I can understand your fear that this person might have a change of heart at the last moment.  Oooh, it makes me nervous just thinking about it.

Most transplant centers have a separate department that facilitates communication between donor/donor families and recipient/recipient families.  Seeing as your donor is shy and "formal", I would suggest using your center's resources as a go-between.  I wouldn't suggest that your husband make first contact (sounds like a sci-fi movie).  My tx center had information on their website about how they do this, so before your big day tomorrow, perhaps you can go online and see if you can find this info.  Or, you could always call them and ask to be connected to that department so that you can talk to someone in person.  (I had a cadaveric donor, and each year at Thanksgiving, I send a thank you card to my tx center, and they forward it on to my donor's family.)  You are wise and kind to be so careful about your donor's privacy.

It is always hard to speculate about how much pain you will be in, so I can only tell you what I experience.  I don't remember being in pain at all.  They don't want you to be in pain as it hinders recovery, so any pain you experience will be well managed.  I think I remember having a morphine pump, but I don't remember using it, which may have been the point!  I was discharged with a prescription for pain pills which I filled but never used.

I think you will be just fine.

Please come back and tell us how everything went!  I'm so eager to hear more from you!

Best of luck and a big thank you from all of us to your donor.

[Paul]

I cannot help you with any of your questions, but just wanted to offer you congratulations and good luck on the upcoming transplant.

[cassandra]

Good luck tomorrow Kate!!


   


Love, Cas

[iolaire]

Congratulations! Best wishes.

I don't know this person well at all - having just met them once and exchanged 5 emails organizing the time and date. But this is a big deal! My husband wants to check on them and meet them after surgery, but I don't know if that's OK?

If you communicate via email I think it would be appropriate to email the address to say if the email reaches them in time, your Husband would like to check in on them at the hospital and than them, and ask would they be ok with that? 

That would give them the option of not responding to the email, should they feel awkward about it - the sorry I didn't get the email in time excuse.

Or probably better ask if the coordinator will ask the same thing.  That gives them someone they can say no to that is not you.

As far as appreciation a simple thank you is best.

[Cupcake]

Good luck! Keep us posted how your recovery goes!