Problems created by one staff-member of a strange racial nature ?

[kristina]

Hello,
I would like to know if any other members here have ever come across serious racial problems introduced by one dialysis-staff-member towards them ?
In my center there is a female nurse who has behaved from the very start very peculilarly (oddly) towards me and over time (one year) it has become clear, that she has tried ever so hard hard to initiate a racial conflict with me, trying very hard to humiliate and/or belittle me whenever she sees a chance to do so (taking great care that there are no witnesses !!!) ...
Fortunately my husband is most of the time with me during my dialysis-treatment, except on occassions when he is not able to come to the center with me
due to his own health-issues, operations etc. ... And whenever I am on my own, she takes the time to really "come out" with her racial hatred very verbally and I finally have "twigged" that this nurse has a very personal problem with people of my (white) skin-colour and I would like to find out most urgently a clever way to "tetox" this inflammable situation, before it could get our of hand ... Needless to say that this situation makes me feel very much endangered and extremely vulnerable, especially since I am the one on the dialysis-machine (in a room) and she seems to feel more and more the urgent need to be around me in my isolation as much as possible (put me on the machine... put me off the machine etc.), especially when my husband is not with me and it looks very likely she wants to feed her own conflict whenever possible ...
... I am not sure it would be a very good idea to complain to my neph and other nurses about this problem because I still try ever so hard to take the heat out of this situation... But at the same time I feel I have no real chance to succeed as I don't even know where her problem with white skin-coloured-people stems from... but there again, thinking it calmly over, I am not sure I can be successful in "detoxing" the situation as I have never ever come across anything like it ...
Is there any answer to such a problem ? I am fully aware that things could go so easily out of hand, but is there anything can I do ?
What would you do?
Thanks from  Kristina.
P.S. Believe me, this situation is quite frightening !

[Michael Murphy]

Take your cell phone turn on the video record fiction and put it in your pocket,  while you won't have video you should end up with a audio recording.  Make a copy play it for the center manager.  If you lived in the us I would tell you to play it for CMS.  In GB I am not sure who to go to but playing it to a member of the press would be your last resort.  Clearly this is a bully who wants it to be secret, exposure should shut her or him down quick.  GoodLuck.

[cassandra]

Dear Kristina I would follow up Michael's advice, and I would ask the nurse in question to just not put you on. You don't have to give a reason, just be nice and say she makes you nervous and you are afraid you'll make her nervous.

On a personal note, is it poss that you might have been reading the Daily Mail while she was in the vicinity with one of their headlines covering the total front page 'screaming' coloured or overseas people in the Olympics ('12) are plastic britains and should not be in Team GB?

Good luck and love, Cas

[kristina]

Many thanks Michael Murphy and cassandra for your kind thoughts, I do appreciate it very much and it sounds a good idea that I should train myself and become a little bit more modern and learn how to use a cell phone for recordings etc. ... I must say that usually I am not the type of person to secretly record people etc., but in this case it might be a good idea to make an exception in order to protect my dialysis-center-survival ...
P.S. cassandra ... and no I was not reading the Daily Mail in her presence, but perhaps she saw these "screaming" headlines somewhere else before coming across me ...
Many thanks again for your kind thoughts from Kristina.

[Simon Dog]

There is little you can do about this except refuse treatment from that particular staff member.

I know people working the front lines in the medical field, and racism is rampant - though not of the whites hate blacks sort.   It's more of a "I'm black, you cannot ask me to do my job or criticize me without risking being called a racist, so if I want to take a break now, I will".

When I had a hip replacement I was told to take at least 3-4 walks on the unit a day, but to always ask a nurse's aid, nurse or family member to go with me.  When I asked one aid, I was told "you  done had your walk when I helped you to the bathroom, you ain't getting no second walk from me, I done walked you once".    If I treated a customer like that on any job I worked, I would have either been fired or received at minimum a serious talking to.  But, since the aid was diverse, she could not be criticized or held accountable.

I must say that usually I am not the type of person to secretly record people etc.

Check your state law.  In my state, surreptitious audio recording is a felony.  One man who recorded a police officer verbally abusing him at a traffic stop learned this when he filed a complaint with the PD and, as a result, is now a convicted felon.   The MA SMC (Supreme Marsupial Court) held this was necessary since absent this law, criminals would attempt to document police misconduct.

[hatedialysis2]

Gosh, like you need the extra stress!  what, being on dialysis and dealing with ESRD related symptoms/disease is not enough for this person.   sounds like your dealing with a bully taking advantage of your situation.  I find that its better to just switch shifts if you can without giving the real reason why.  Once you are safe and out of harms way, then by all means send a letter to the administrator of the unit so that they are aware in case she is making some other soul miserable.    You will have much better peace of mind.  complaining can sometimes bring on retaliation and your life is pretty much in her hands with the push of a button!   Another option is to switch to home dialysis, you have total control over your dialysis treatments.   If you are afraid of needles you can have your partner/husband train for that.  Once you have button holes, its a matter of slipping the needle in, there is absolutely no pain because you are not puncturing the skin with every canulation.    you might want to consider having the center start training you on button holes now so you can see how easy and better it is .  It will preserve your sanity!

In the meantime prayer, visualizations  can help send light.   I wish you peace & luck!  please keep us posted.   

[Charlie B53]

A very tough situation indeed.  She may be baiting you to justify some increasing altercation by her.

Do not fall for it.   It is often very difficult to keep a calm appearance while you are fuming inside.  Do not give her the pleasure.

You have done very well enduring it so far.

As pointed out already, check to be sure recording is legal in your area.  Then copy that to Administration,  she shouldn't have a job for very long after.

I hope you keep managing to at least appear calm.   This cannot be easy.

Take Care,

Charlie B53

[Michael Murphy]

While it may be illegal to record and in the US that varies state by state the are several ways around that restriction, use your phone to call a witness or a answering system to leave a message, when the target comes call, let witness or answering system listen in. About 10 years ago a 18 wheeler side swiped me on the NY Thurway, he didn't stop, since I got his company and lic plate I was able to contac him, he called and was very abusive and told me he didn't care if I was hit he was not going to pay, this went on for several minutes and I pointed out he had admitted fault, I then pointed out I was in a conference room in wich 10 other people had heard his call, no recording and 10 witnesses the check arrived 3 days later.

[Charlie B53]

Wonderful idea Michael!

[PrimeTimer]

Sorry, kristina, at the moment I'm not sure what to tell you but I am willing to bet that you are not the only one this person is doing this to. I'm the sort that usually confronts people head on and if I think they've got a problem with me, I ask them straight out if they do. Of course yours is a very delicate situation because you are there for medical treatment. One idea is to maybe request a meeting with her and the head nurse/manager at the same time but do not let them know what it is about until they are both present.

I remember when a co-worker was being especially rude to me. I went and alerted my manager that I was going to have a word with the co-worker to see if I could sort it out on my own. And then, in front of everyone, I told the co-worker that we needed to get along for the sake of the "team". After that, she was a little nicer. I guess stating my concerns to her out loud in front of everyone kind of made her want to "correct" her attitude towards me. I had only alerted the manager ahead of time in case "things got ugly". Fortunately, things got better after that. Don't know what will be best in your case but hope things improve for you. It's not right that a nurse is making you uncomfortable like this but like I said, chances are she is treating others badly too.

[kristina]

Many thanks Simon Dog, hatedialysis2, Charlie B53, Michael Murphy and Prime Timer for your kind thoughts and your kind sympathy, it is very much appreciated and helps me a lot to think about the best possible way forward of how to approach this problem.
... I have also thought about the idea of inviting this problem-nurse for a cup of coffee and a talk to "sort things out" in the nicest possible way, but with that approach I could really put my head into the clouds and could avoid to recognize the real issue. Why? Because, to be quite honest, she appears to be far too gone for any reasonable approach ...  Added to that, I have no idea where her issues with "whites" really stem from and she could - for example - be "fed" -  every day of the week by family members etc. about racial issues and if I would invite her privately for a cup of coffee and a talk, I could make myself even more vulnerable to her racial issues with "whites" and such an action might feed her deep seated issues even further  ... Perhaps the very best way forward is to have a quiet word with the head-nurse and explain this problem and hopefully this could give it a chance to be sorted out from then on, before the whole "thing" could get out of hand and/or me being physically hurt/damaged by this problem-dialysis-nurse during my dialyis treatments  ...
Many thanks again from Kristina.

[cassandra]

Speaking to the headnurse sounds like a good plan, do it today, or asap.

Good luck honey, Cas

[kristina]

Many thanks cassandra for your good wishes and your kind understanding
... and the process of having a word with the head-nurse has now been put under way.
Let's hope that's the way to sort out the problem ... and many thanks again ...
from Kristina.

[SutureSelf]

Hello,
I would like to know if any other members here have ever come across serious racial problems introduced by one dialysis-staff-member towards them ?
In my center there is a female nurse who has behaved from the very start very peculilarly (oddly) towards me and over time (one year) it has become clear, that she has tried ever so hard hard to initiate a racial conflict with me, trying very hard to humiliate and/or belittle me whenever she sees a chance to do so (taking great care that there are no witnesses !!!) ...
Fortunately my husband is most of the time with me during my dialysis-treatment, except on occassions when he is not able to come to the center with me
due to his own health-issues, operations etc. ... And whenever I am on my own, she takes the time to really "come out" with her racial hatred very verbally and I finally have "twigged" that this nurse has a very personal problem with people of my (white) skin-colour and I would like to find out most urgently a clever way to "tetox" this inflammable situation, before it could get our of hand ... Needless to say that this situation makes me feel very much endangered and extremely vulnerable, especially since I am the one on the dialysis-machine (in a room) and she seems to feel more and more the urgent need to be around me in my isolation as much as possible (put me on the machine... put me off the machine etc.), especially when my husband is not with me and it looks very likely she wants to feed her own conflict whenever possible ...
... I am not sure it would be a very good idea to complain to my neph and other nurses about this problem because I still try ever so hard to take the heat out of this situation... But at the same time I feel I have no real chance to succeed as I don't even know where her problem with white skin-coloured-people stems from... but there again, thinking it calmly over, I am not sure I can be successful in "detoxing" the situation as I have never ever come across anything like it ...
Is there any answer to such a problem ? I am fully aware that things could go so easily out of hand, but is there anything can I do ?
What would you do?
Thanks from  Kristina.
P.S. Believe me, this situation is quite frightening !

Please give examples of the "racial hatred" she has towards you.  Have you noticed this attitude towards other Caucasian patients in your facility?  You mentioned in your last posting about speaking with the head nurse.  What came of that meeting?

[Fabkiwi06]

I am also curious as to how that meeting went.

Documentation is going to be your best tool. I'm wary of recording, just because I know the legality is shaky where I am. I am a big fan of writing stuff down. Jotting a few notes with a date and time and whatever incident can help build your case. If you think of it, take some notes on any thing you notice instigating it - was she talking to someone before, did something annoy her with your machine, etc.

[kristina]

Hello SutureSelf and Fabkiwi06 and many thanks for your kind interest.
Unfortunately, the matter has not yet been sorted and I have started to "tiptoe" very carefully ...
... and ... the situation certainly "brings home" to me my own vulnerability ....
... but, as a "chronic optimist" I am hoping it all sorts itself out soon...
Many thanks again from Kristina.

[SutureSelf]

Hello SutureSelf and Fabkiwi06 and many thanks for your kind interest.
Unfortunately, the matter has not yet been sorted and I have started to "tiptoe" very carefully ...
... and ... the situation certainly "brings home" to me my own vulnerability ....
... but, as a "chronic optimist" I am hoping it all sorts itself out soon...
Many thanks again from Kristina.

You start a thread about a potentially divisive topic on racist attitude among dialysis center employees, yet fail to give examples of what you perceive to be slights against yourself because of your color.  Without having that info how is one to give you a good answer on how to proceed?  Maybe, for whatever reason(s), this nurse  doesn't particularly care for you and it has nothing to do with you being Caucasian (another question you failed to answer - are you the only Caucasian patient in the clinic she is responsible for on your shift).  I'm not supporting her attitude towards you - it's wrong to try to intimidate or be abusive to a patient - be just that you need to be extremely careful in basing it on such an explosive reason as reverse racism. 

From some gleanings of past posts you've made, maybe she resents that you make her work load harder by still having a catheter and not getting a fistula or that your husband stays around more so than any of the other patients' family members or that she sees you as being more needing than others or whatever.  However, you are not there to make her job easier.  She's there to make sue you get a good treatment.  So again, she might have a lousy attitude and need to be spoken with by the head administrator, but it is not race based.  I hope you understand what I'm trying to convey even with the frustration of the lack of info you have provided.

BTW, you are not as vulnerable as you try to make yourself, or kidney patients on dialysis, out to be.  You can do dialysis at home and be in charge of your treatment - even with a catheter.  There is NOTHING about catheter care that you or a care partner can't do that a nurse does at the clinic.  At the least, while incenter, self-determine the amount of fluid you wish to remove and have the machine turned towards you so you can make sure all parmeters are properly set.  And, if an alarm goes off you can see the problem to make sure it is properly corrected.  Please don't look upon yourself as a "victim."  - SutureSelf

Edited for grammatical errors.

[kristina]

Hello again ... and just to mention that "the above mentioned matter" has (hopefully) been dealt with correctly ... and fingers crossed that it keeps like that!!!
My husband (who also noticed the nature of her conflict with us) and I had a word with the head-nurse and without being overly explicit about the nature of the problem, we neverthelesss made absolutely sure she understood in a roundabout-politically-correct-way, that there was a problem bothering us and that the problem was not of our making. The head-nurse seemed to understand completely and has made sure ever since, that this particular nurse has nothing to do with us. Even on days when my husband - due to his own medical treatment - is not with me, this nurse would not come near me and it has been in this way ever since. Hopefully this is the very best way the problem could have been approached and hopefully it keeps like that...
Kristina

[Athena]

Oh dear Kristina, I've just come across this old discussion. As I was reading the posts, I thought that making a formal complaint to the dialysis centre would be the way to go, as they are responsible for addressing any complaints that are made.

Talking to the 'abuser' is never the right way for anyone in a position of vulnerability to address this kind of problem. I don't know what the exact nature of this nurse's antagonism was towards you, but these people are paid to do a job and any kind of threatening or abusive behaviour is not part of the their employment contract.

[Charlie B53]

It is difficult to judge whether a straight confrontation with a bully will be enough or going over their head is required.

Some bully's once confronted will back off, and some eventually will actually become working 'friends' sort of.   Others remain enemies for life.

There is no way to tell the difference until you try.

I am just glad that this incident has been resolved.

[solid98]

My 82yo mom had an accident last year and has been in a nursing home ever since. The majority of the "nurses" that are employed by these nursing homes are not used to patients who are coherent and who can think for themselves so they treat her very badly. UNTIL, a granddaughter brought her a Beanie Baby with these big dark eyes. Now everybody is convinced it is a nanny cam and have been treating her with more respect because they assume they are being recorded.

I joked with my mom that the toy worked so well, I was going to get her one of those helmets with a Go-Pro and see what they do.

[cassandra]

What a fantastic idea!!!! Men o men, I'm going to buy one straight away. I'll put it on my shoulder when I'm at the surgeon tomorrow.
Too funny, thanx for making my day!

Love, luck and strength, Cas

[Simon Dog]

Brilliant!!!!

Nursing homes are the "low end" of nursing works, and one of the few places RNs can get work without a minimum of a 4 year degree (one can get an RN license in a 2 year diploma program, but this won't land a job in the big leagues).

[Charlie B53]

WONDERFUL Ideas!