Dear Kas I'm really sorry you find yourself in this situation now. I'm not the carer, and I know it's hard for my hubby. I don't think you have to be positive all the time. Sometimes I wish my hubby wasn't so positive, cos sometimes it just isn't. But he's there for me, and I hope I'm there for him, cos I know it's hard for him too.
Why doesn't your husband want his family to know how sick he is? Does he realise how much harder that makes it for you?
And what about your family? Can you maybe talk to them?
Are the any local Kidney patient Associations you could go to?
And than the switch to hemo. It's not the end of the world you know. Have you been to a clinic or someone on home hemo to see how people are doing on that?
I've been doing HD in-center for 16 and home hemo for 4 years, too many ops, and way too much life in hosp, but I'm glad to be alive.
I hope you get some more practical support/advice from some of the lovely people on the site soon.
Lots of love, luck and strength, Cas