Am i Awful ?

[KICKSTART]

I had a phone call today from someone close to me that has been having stomach problems (gall bladder) and spent 15 mins on the phone being told how bad it was , the discomfort that comes and goes and generally feeling unwell. Ok well i am not totally cold hearted and can sympathize with anyone who has problems , but found this other person being totally insensitive to my problems . I was told ..oh you dont know what its like , when it starts playing up , to keep getting this pain etc etc ..wel no , i dont know what that is like but ..hello i do have some problems of my own that wont go away .Then what also upset me was (you know in the Uk we have the National Health Service) but that also means queues , a relative has said that they will pay for this person to go private and get it sorted quicker. I then had to listen to , i cant wait to be seen , it will be fantastic when i am sorted etc,etc ..and all i could think was .. i wish i had that luxury ,i wish i could be sorted so easily ..you forget i have had had this day in , day out for 6 yrs now . Just for once it would be NICE for my family to realise just how serious my illness is , you would honestly think i just had a cold ...Am I Awful ?

[kitkatz]

No you are not awful. Just coping with the insensitivity of other people.  Remember you do not act or look sick with kidney disease until you are usually in the hospital with something. And it ususally comes out of nowhere and people are left wondering what happened to you, then they remember you have a life threatening disease. Fun, huh? 

[KICKSTART]

Thanks KK   

[RichardMEL]

Yeah KICKSTART you're fine... it's amazing how self centred some people can be and even more amazing when they SHOULD know better about your condition... still I get that a lot too.. people somehow not realising how serious kidney failure is... almost like yeah dialysis sorts you out.. not realising that people DO die while on dialysis etc....

I once had a girlfriend... her sister had 2 transplants and was STILL suffering with kidney issues yet she showed me littrle support or understanding as I was coming up to going onto dialysis... and I thought to myself "my god.. you of ANYONE should have some kidea of what this crap is all about" yet I got nothing from her. It was so disappointing to me and perhaps more hurtful than not knowing much but trying to be supportive.

[MyssAnne]

People don't realize how bad off we really are, we tend to look healthy. I've been told that,
several times, well, you don't LOOK sick!! Well, no. I don't. Doesn't mean I am well though!!!!
People. People ARE self absorbed by nature, and don't look beyond their nose unless they've
had to deal with bad situations. Then they become compassionate and aware.

[Sluff]

That is one thing that really tees me off, i get calls all the time to help everyone else and then listen to there relationship problems and there daily work related problems, it seems to never end, and then they ask how I'm doing and i start to tell them and then they have to take a call or get ready to go somewhere or whatever, they obviously don't want to hear my problems.

This week I have to help one person put a basket ball hoop on there garage, another person needs me to help them go to the store to p/u a swing set and help put that together on Sun which was a scheduled day to be up north with my wife, but now I might as well not go because I have a meeting on Saturday night. I was going to go to the cabin Sat night and then come home Sunday afternoon. Doesn't pay if to drive the distance and spend the gas money just to turn around and have to come back sun morning. Get this, It has to be done Sunday morning because I work Sat morning and he has a date with his girlfriend Sunday afternoon. They don't give a damn about my schedule and I get depressed because it feels like I never get to do what I want to do.

[goofynina]

Kickstart, you are A-OK with me girlfriend, remember, your not alone and we are all going through the same shit, different situations, but all the same shit.

Sluff, can you squeeze me in for Sunday Afternoon, we need help putting up a fence   j/k

[MyssAnne]

Sluff, you are doing THEM a favor...what is this bit about accomodating their schedule? Uh uh. Let THEM accomodate YOUR schedule, darn it!!!  Cranky today, Tired of people coming along saying I want this I want that. And no reciprocity. Okay. I'm done with the soapbox.

[KICKSTART]

Looks like i am not the only one who gets all the crap then ?
SLUFF ..You are going to have to learn to say 'no ' once in a while
Thanks all for your views 

[jbeany]

Yup, we all get the same thing, and nope, you aren't awful for getting annoyed about it! 

[Sluff]

Sluff, can you squeeze me in for Sunday Afternoon, we need help putting up a fence   j/k

You better feed me when I get there..

[boxman55]

That is one thing that really tees me off, i get calls all the time to help everyone else and then listen to there relationship problems and there daily work related problems, it seems to never end, and then they ask how I'm doing and i start to tell them and then they have to take a call or get ready to go somewhere or whatever, they obviously don't want to hear my problems.

This week I have to help one person put a basket ball hoop on there garage, another person needs me to help them go to the store to p/u a swing set and help put that together on Sun which was a scheduled day to be up north with my wife, but now I might as well not go because I have a meeting on Saturday night. I was going to go to the cabin Sat night and then come home Sunday afternoon. Doesn't pay if to drive the distance and spend the gas money just to turn around and have to come back sun morning. Get this, It has to be done Sunday morning because I work Sat morning and he has a date with his girlfriend Sunday afternoon. They don't give a damn about my schedule and I get depressed because it feels like I never get to do what I want to do.

Sluff-I am so close to telling all to F... off but am not quite there yet.. I just know it will feel good when I do though..hang in there  Boxman55

[RichardMEL]

I am happy to listen to friends with their problems and stuff and offer advice.. because I like to help if I can (even if that means just listening) but sometimes it's just like Sluff said... when it comes time to say how you are suddenly they're busy or whatever... note I am not saying this about all my friends at all.. but I do know the feeling... And it's not like I want to be the centre of the universe or anything... but we're all human and if we feel like people don't give us equal time that we give them well it's unfair.

There are some people that I now know that if they actually ask how I am or whatever I'll just tell them I'm fine.. it's not worth the grief. These are the people I do NOT expect to ask anything further like "How's that transplant thing coming along?" or "How are you coping with dialysis?" or whatever.

[MyssAnne]

Good point Richard. 

[KICKSTART]

I am happy to listen to friends with their problems and stuff and offer advice.. because I like to help if I can (even if that means just listening) but sometimes it's just like Sluff said... when it comes time to say how you are suddenly they're busy or whatever... note I am not saying this about all my friends at all.. but I do know the feeling... And it's not like I want to be the centre of the universe or anything... but we're all human and if we feel like people don't give us equal time that we give them well it's unfair.

There are some people that I now know that if they actually ask how I am or whatever I'll just tell them I'm fine.. it's not worth the grief. These are the people I do NOT expect to ask anything further like "How's that transplant thing coming along?" or "How are you coping with dialysis?" or whatever.

Just out of interest RM  do your family ask how you are ? or are they on the list of those you dont expect to ask you ?

[goofynina]

Forgive me for jumping in but my mom asks me each and every day how i am feeling, sometimes i wonder if she is asking cuz she feels she has to or if she is sincere and wants to know how i am truly feeling.  I feel bad for thinking that cuz it's my mom 

[nextnoel]

KS, you're absolutely NOT awful, you just have some insensitive and dense folks around you!   

As for me, I try to be supportive to my friends when they're suffering the oh-poor-me's, for whatever reason, justified or not, but I try not to get sucked into it too much - that just feels to me as if I'm enabling them.  Sometimes when someone goes on and on and on about their troubles, I just smile and say, "Well, what are you going to do about it?", and after that, things get on a more even keel.