Was I heartless?

[Deanne]

Last night my neighbor was released from the hospital for the third time in about a week. A week ago she called EMTs and it turned out she had a gallstone blocking the bile duct. They couldn't do surgery right away, so the second time was for surgery, and the lastest time because her legs swelled up a couple days after surgery.

She called on her way home last night and I thought her phone was cutting out because I could understand so little of what she was saying. She handed the phone to the person who was driving her home and it was perfectly clear. She just couldn't talk coherently. Her driver said she was calling to tell me she was on her way home and she wanted me to check on her before leaving for work in the morning. She's a senior (about 68 years old) who lives alone in a hoarded house.

I went over before work this morning and found her awake and sitting up in bed, but slurring her words badly, barely understandabe, pulling on her mouth, and rocking around in an odd sort of way. At one point she stuck her fingers in her mouth.

I think she said something about going back to the emergency room sometime during the night and they sent her back home, but when I asked about it, she went into a long litany about taking pictures in the hospital during her stay there. I finally cut her off and again asked why she went to the emergency room. She said she didn't know. I don't know if she really went or not. I didn't want to ask any more questions after the first time ended up with the nonsensical, endless story about taking photos.

It's hard for me to believe they released her to go home alone so I asked why didn't they send her to a rehab center. Turns out they probably tried to, but she didn't want to go there so she's arranging for people to check on her several times a day. Yep - it's much better to torture your neighbors by deciding for them that they're going to take care of you. Blech.

Next chapter:

I saw a couple of cars in her driveway after work. I checked last at about 6:30 and saw one of them was still there so I knew I didn't need to go check on her tonight. At about 7:30 she called and told me she fell and split her head open and could I take her to the hospital or should she call 911? I told her to call 911 and I'd come wait with her. They were fast! The EMTs got there before I was able to get my dog penned and shoes on, so I didn't go. I'm sorry my neighbor is headed back to the hospital for the fourth or fifth time in less than two weeks, but I'm also incredibly annoyed at her.

Was it really mean of me to refuse to take her? It was mostly for selfish reasons. Nearly bedtime for me, about a half hour trip to the hospital she prefers, then wait there for hours? No. It would be different if she was a close friend, but I don't really even like her. I plan to call adult protective services tomorrow.

[geoffcamp]

One can only do so much!!  It seems like you have been very nice to help at all. Does she not have family in the are?  I do not think you should feel badly, you have been more than gracious as a neighbor in the assistance you have provided.

[jbeany]

No, I don't think it's heartless to refuse to get sucked into a pit of quicksand.  I think calling APS is a good solution.  If she's already a hoarder, she's way past "I just need a bit of help from a neighbor once in a while."

[CebuShan]

No, you are not heartless! You have already done enough.
If you get too much more involved, she may ask you to "help" straighten her house!
I agree with jbeany, call APS!!

[MooseMom]

Calling 911 was the responsible thing to do.  You had no way of either diagnosing what was wrong nor being able to treat her on an emergency basis.  Calling 911 and waiting with her was the best course of action to ensure her wellbeing.  Even if this was someone you loved, I still think calling 911 was the safest thing.

[Deanne]

Thanks all! I still feel a bit guilty for refusing to help her, but I don't want to offer her too much help and support and then end up in a caregiver role for her. It's probably better in the long run for her to feel she can't count on me. I sent email to APS this morning. I don't know if I'll ever know the outcome of the email, but at least there's some record of it now. I have no idea how my neighbor will respond to being "tattled" on if she learns about it, but I'm prepared to be honest with her, so I didn't ask to remain anonymous. I gave APS my name and phone number, along with my neighbor's name, address, and phone number.