My strange and funny night in the ER

Last month I was at my little brothers baseball game and I had a sharp pain in my abdomen. I rushed home and laid in bed, thinking it was my catheter knocking around in there. Later in the day I hooked up for my manual. As it drained I noticed something funny. The fluid was bright red, like koolaid. I freaked out right away and started hyperventilating. I called my doctor and he suggested I rush to the ER. Off I went in my bright yellow ford escape, panicked and distraught. I get to the emergency room all checked in and I take my seat in the waiting room. I get called back to get labs done by a very attractive British phlebotomist. I go back and take a seat again. I get called in to the back room get a gown and sit on my very uncomfortable hospital bed with my best friend beside me.

I have a very funny male nurse who introduces himself with a bow and a tip of the hat. His name was Collin. Nurse Collin then tells me I need an IV. (I'm extremely afraid of IVs. not needles, just IVs) I proceed to freak out some more. He laughs as he tries to stick my arm. It went well. No fuss. The mobile dialysis cast comes in with a very familiar face. It was the head nurse from the Davita clinic I went to when I was on Hemo. Her name is Corozon. She had an assistant with her, she was from France. Her name was Natalya. They both had no idea what they were doing because they mostly did Hemo and had maybe one PD patient every blue moon. I had to walk them through everything step by step. It was tedious. Everyone wanted to watch. Most of the nurses and techs on the floor came in to sneak a peak at the amazing wonder that is dialysis. They all were in awe at how I did this myself everyday. "Ain't no thang but a chicken wang." I said repeatedly. Nurse Collin leaves and returns ten minutes later to tell me a very disturbing story. He says I'm getting admitted and the nurse upstairs thinks I'm a special. I was confused, I made him explain further. Collin had told the nurse I was freaking out about the IV and she replied, "Is she slow? Only specials are afraid of IVs that much." I told nurse Collin I would walk up there with a limp leg saying "My Mama says I ain't slow I is special." in a very deep and monotone voice. Nurse Collin started walking around saying he's forest gump.

We bid farewell. I went to my room, best friend tagging along behind me. I have a room to myself because kidney patients have immune system issues.

Spend the night with no information on whats wrong. I wake up to a very sturdy woman shoving a needle in my arm to draw blood. Startled, I move and knock the needle out.

You can imagine my frustration with her ignorance. The day progresses, I get a few more manuals done by Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb. The doctor comes in and tells me I need an ultrasound. Confused about why, because I have yet to get any information, I agree anyways. A very young and awkward boy comes in to wheel me to the ultrasound. He discusses music with me on the way, a very sweet attempt to make things go smoothly. A woman, very beautiful, tells me to drop my pants. I do as I'm told. I get an inner pelvic ultrasound done then head back to my room with the same sweet awkward boy. My grandma was there waiting for me with coloring books and colored pencils. I told her I was five with a very sarcastic tone. She smacked the back of my head and told me she gives every loved one these items when they are in the hospital no matter what age. A couple hours later my gynecologist comes in with a very dead face. Like she was about to tell me something terrible. Well what is it, I'm thinking to myself over and over again. She opens her mouth for a good ten seconds with no words exiting it. She tells me I have a tumor the size of a golf ball on my uterus and its causing bleeding in my abdomen.

I'm shocked and afraid. She tells me I need a biopsy done. She leaves with no further explanation. The charge nurse comes in and says I get to go home. I was so relieved. I packed my things and got dressed as quick as I could. I got the discharge papers and went home.

My appointment for the biopsy is next month. I hope it goes well. This story is kind of a sad story near the end but the whole experience was so great. I had never had so much fun in a hospital. Silver lining I suppose. Hope you enjoyed the read.