Dialysis is a Small Part of the Picture

[Gerald Lively]

Hello Guys and Gals and you “Others”.
Here it is, nearly 76 years of age and my shrink says to write a book.  And I thought I was old enough to forget homework.  OK, okay, I know what he meant, he thinks I’m depressed.  I don’t know where he got that impression, I have only been dealing with major life threatening illnesses for twenty-one years. (Notice how I slipped that one in here).  How does one write about the good and bad (mostly bad) events over 76 years?

An example: in a science class we were working on theory of steam power.  We had this one gallon can, filled it halfway with water, poked a hole in the lid, took a lid from a can of vegetables and made a fan out of it, then cranked up the heat. It worked very well.  At home I was telling my sister about all this when a neighbor kid stopped by. He stuck a piece of dry spaghetti in the hole and it swelled up, sealed the hole and we ran for the hills. The kid was nuts. Well the lid exploded, hit the ceiling and put a large gash in the ceiling.

My parents were not particularly tolerant of the explorative aspects of the teenage mind.  I had to find a solution before they came home from work. Or death awaited me.  The ceiling was painted yellow, bright yellow.  Hey, I didn’t pick the color.  I had to use available materials and it had to be good enough that they couldn’t see the difference.  I came up with a brilliant idea.

Remember Fluffo cooking fat, you know, just like Crisco only yellow!  Turns out it was the identical color of the wounded ceiling. I slopped that Fluffo on the ceiling, did a cute little texture job and prayed.

After that time I did a tour in the Army, married and had a litter of kids.  One day about fifteen years later I gazed up at that spot on the kitchen ceiling. I did such a good job that I couldn’t tell if my patch was still up there. I pulled out a chair and got up there, it was still Fluffo.
The bad news is all you people ate that stuff.  Makes one wonder.

Is that what my shrink wants?  76 years of Fluffo stories?  Okay, so I short-sheeted my sister’s bed, invented a gun that shot marbles as fast as a bullet, and tossed soft tomatoes at cars after dark and one car chased us through an orchard where the car go stuck.

Back in ‘93 I retired from a high stress job and immediately contracted cancer, which led to surgery and some especially mean chemotherapy, which resulted in the discovery of prostate cancer followed by some mean style of surgery, then emergency gall bladder surgery.  Then the prostate cancer came back and following that I glowed in the dark.  I must have said something sexist in the company of a female because a doctor said I was constipated while he missed the return of Lymphoma that was blocking the blood flow to the kidneys which led to the simultaneous protocol for chemo and dialysis.  I am off of both now.  Alas, what is next.?  I have learned that I have, ready for this, an immunoglobulin deficiency.  Guess what the theray might be.  That’s right, they stick a couple of thingys in my tummy once a week and it requires two hours. 
So, I saw my shrink.  I am not going to wrtite no book, no how.  All my secrets would be on paper and someone would hack my computer and they’d discover - - I’m not telling you what they would discover.
 
Kootie J

[Deanne]

I would read your book. Actually, I'd love it if it was in audio format. If you speak as you write, it would be a memorable experience. I don't think I'd let a teenager near it though. You'd give them too many ideas.

On a more serious note, it makes me sad if there's even a sliver of truth about depression.

[LisaBart]

I actually think you would write a great book....and I know you would put loads of funny stuff as well as the serious....I enjoyed reading this.....you are a tough fella!!

[Gerald Lively]

Depression, yep I have it or it has me.  I also realize that I have good coping skills.   I'm upset that this doctor business is not over, finished, done.   Maybe I'll think of some stories. Telling stories when depressed is kind of like deciding if you really want to rescue your dog after you see him barking at a skunk.

[galvo]

Great to see you maintaining your good form, Gerald.

[willowtreewren]

Good to "see" you on here again, Gerald! 

Aleta

[Jean]

As you do, when medical people ask me if I am depressed, I say, oh, no, not me, I am fine. Of course I am depressed you MORON!!!! I have CKD, am too old to get a new kidney plus have congestive heart failure. Dont ya think that is enough? Next time I am going to refer them to you, and I am sure you can get your point across and thank you velly much!!!!

[Charlie B53]

Go ahead and write the book, but limit distribution to those 35 and older.  My Grandson already calls me Bad Grampa, long before the movie came out.  Parts of your book I may have to heavily redact so as not to give him any more ideas than I already have.

You have a wonderful sense of humor and a great way of laying out a tale.

It should be a hit.

[joval]

So happy to see you, Gerald.  I miss your great writing.  You really should write a book, you are so interesting.  Please don't leave us again.