Apology

[MooseMom]

I don't know what's wrong with me...I've just now seen this thread and am thrilled to see you back posting, Paris.

I lost my sympathy card a long time ago.  I figure that husbands are big boys who can look after themselves if they really need to.  Mine likes to think that he's one of the smartest men on the planet, so I just let him get on with it and don't bother offering any advice or suggestions if he has a tummy ache yet knows darn well what's causing it.  If I get too tired of his whingeing, I say, "Oh golly gosh, you know, I'm starting to think that perhaps you should see a doctor about (insert problem here)."  That usually keeps him quiet.  So I totally get your lack of sympathy!

Wouldn't it be wonderful if all we had to do was to look after our own health problems?  But illness doesn't happen in a vacuum; there's still all of life's other problems to deal with.  They don't all just vanish simply because you've got crap kidneys.

Paris, I know you are the kind of person who willingly takes the problems of the entire world upon her own shoulders and tries to find answers to everyone's cares and worries, but you are also smart enough to know when it is time for you to change your mindset and to redirect your energies toward a more attainable goal, which is, for you, to stay healthy.  You've been given a miracle, and you need to take care of that.  I know that it is not easy to let go of all of the family burdens you have placed upon your shoulders.  You've risen to others' challenges before, but now there is a new challenge, a tougher challenge ahead of you, and that is to gently extricate yourself from situations you can do nothing about and instead focus on your own health.  That's not a selfish goal, rather, it is a wise one.  It is not easy to "rewire" yourself after all of the years of being the support for everyone else, but you are a strong woman and can find a way to graciously bow out of situations that you cannot solve.  I know you want to be still be supportive, and you can be, but maybe it is time to allow others to bumble their own way through life.

Still, I know it is very frustrating to watch your husband neglect his health when you have worked SO hard to preserve your own.  Believe me, I know what that feels like.  If there is any tangible way that we can support you, all you have to do is ask.   

[monrein]

I just saw your post Paris, and am so sorry that you are dealing with so many difficulties and all at the same time.  I want to personally shake Barry and drive him to the doc but since I can't do that please give him a hug from me and tell him I said he should get in that car nd drive there himself!!!!!!!!!
Sending out many hugs to you.

[paris]

Thanks Monrein!   I've been thinking about you a lot lately.  My hostas are looking wonderful and the two hydrangea bushes I planted last year and growing great.  But, I have one in the ground and one in a big pot.  The one in the pot is twice the size and is gorgeous. Why would it be doing so much better?  I dug a hug hole for the other, but in new soil, added all the right things and it looks good, just a lot smaller.   Also I planted a peony stick last year and today it is almost 2 ft with lots of new growth.  I think it takes a couple of years for them to bloom - do you know?   

Barry has rescheduled his halter monitor for next week.  But, he did not make an appt with the other doctor for the skin/blood issue.  He is retaining so much fluid.  I keep telling him this isn't good and please go back to the doctor.  He felt a little better yesterday, so again he is putting off making an appointment.  I know he is scared. He has always thought he was dying of something since we were in our 20's.  It is hard to have continuous sympathy when one doesn't take control of things.    Where would we be if we waited for others to do all the medical things for us?  Up a creek, right?!      And I really do worry.  I don't like the looks of this. It looks like MRSA gone wild. But labs don't show MRSA.   Like you and your husband, we have spent a lifetime together.  We celebrate 45 yrs this year ---- my life would be very different without him.   

Thanks to both you and MooseMom for your kind words.