Question for the parents out there

[Annig83]

This is quite off the topic of dialysis, but I was curious if anyone out there had the same issues I am having with my son.  I'm exhausted dealing with his behaviors, and so is my boyfriend.  I am wondering if this is normal, or if anyone else out there had similar problems with their kids?  Alittle background- My son Carson is 16 months old, he was born 3 months early (so his "adjusted age" is 13 months, although he is right on track for his age mentally and developmentally, he's just small, 19 lbs and 30 inches tall).

Behavior 1- SCREAMING!!!  Carson screams about everything, which I assume is his testing us, but it's so obnoxious!!  I've tried everything, time-outs, telling him to use his "indoor voice", picking him up, diverting his attention.... he screams at us, and sometimes he just screams to scream! 

Behavior 2- HITTING! We'll be playing, and all of a sudden he will smack me in the face for no reason...I tell him no, that's not nice, and put him in time out. 

Behavior 3- BITING!- He's been teething for quite some time, and we're up to 8 teeth... he does sneak attacks!   I'll be doing the dishes, he'll run up behind me and bite the back of my leg!!  I do all of the above, and give him things to chew on, teething rings, etc.

I'm a stay-at-home Mom, and we play all day, outside and inside.  Do any of you suppose he's frustrated?  Am I doing something wrong?  Or is this all normal for his age?  His Ped. hasn't said anything to me that has helped, everyone on here normally has some insight on most things, and I'll take ANY advice    

[lmunchkin]

Does he do this alot?  I know my daughter has an Autistic son, that has these kind of issues too, but he is 8yrs old.  Do you think he may be autistic?  It has been very hard for her.  I wish she had put him somewhere for a couple years while he was young, so that people who know how to handle this can work with him.  But she wouldnt do it.  It was too hard to let go, and thus she will have problems with him.

It is a tough situation for anyone who is dealing with an Autistic child!  The child does not know.  He has to be taught repetitively.

Not that your child is autistic, but maybe he will grow out of this and it is a test!

Sorry, wish I could help!

lmunchkin
 

P.S. It could just be the ole "Terrible Two's" that mothers always refer to!

[gothiclovemonkey]

Helloooo
I am a mommy of a premie too!! He was 26 weeks gest. when i had him!!

I can tell you what i did... not sure if you would agree though...

With the screams, scream back.... make an ass out of yourself, it gets them to stop and see how silly they look.

biting... i seriously bit him back... not hard, but hard enough for him to know it doesnt feel nice.

hitting, one thing i notice people do alot is smack or hit a kid and say "dont hit" thats kind of defeating the purpose, not saying you do that, but if you do, try not to!

A lot of times our premies dont know how to express themselves, and they will do anything to get their needs across. My son couldnt walk or talk until after the age of 2, so im not sure aout the age thing, but he did go through that too. especially the screaming, and growling lol hes like a little animal. (hes 7 now, and we still have this in some forms) He was supposed to be "caught up" by now, but hes still a bit behind.

Also, a lot of premies have issues like adhd, add, autism, etc. its always a good idea to get them tested!

And lastly, is he in any program for physical therapies or anyhting like that? they make have some good tips and resources for you.

One thing i have to say, over all else...
They grow up too fast, you may be frustrated with this now, but one day you will miss it!!! I miss my diaper butted baby so much!! Sometimes he still wants me to cuddle and sing 'baby songs' to him... but hes growing too fast!!
Especially dealing with illness on top of it all, it makes it very difficult, and it is possible he feels the stress as well.

[MooseMom]

How would you assess his speech and language skills?  How would you describe his communication ability?  If his verbal skills are poor, particularly his receptive language, he may genuinely not understand what you are trying to stop him from doing.

My son is autistic; he's 20 now, but when he was young, he never engaged in the kind of behaviour you described, but once he got to school, his poor communication skills resulted in frustration, and his behaviour deteriorated.

Some autistic children scream because they are sensory overloaded.  I know of one kid who would scream whenever he heard the lawnmower as the sound physically hurt him.  That doesn't mean that this is why your son is screaming, but it is a possibility.  I'm just throwing out ideas.

No, you are not doing anything wrong, and it is very hard to define "normal".   But if you have a gut feeling that there is something wrong, there probably is, so I think you'd be wise to continue watching his behaviour closely.

Children are strange!  LOL!  Some indulge in the most peculiar behaviour but turn out just fine in the end.  But if you are concerned, keep observing his communication and social skills.

[gothiclovemonkey]

Children are strange!  LOL!  Some indulge in the most peculiar behaviour but turn out just fine in the end.  But if you are concerned, keep observing his communication and social skills.

ROFLMAO yes, they are! even 'normal' children do some pretty odd things! especially boys!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Annig83]

Thanks for your feedback all of you.  I don't think he is autistic, I used to work with children with Autisim, and Aspberger's Syndrome, and he doesn't have the symptoms.  My son is actually quite verbal.  He talks non-stop actually; he says Mom, Daddy, All done, No, love you, Hi Daddy/Mommy, What doin? (I think that's short for what are you doing?), Oh yeah?!, and he waves good-bye... he's also pretty coordinated right now tool... He's very sociable as well, loves other kids and adults... I went to the art store earlier tonight and he went to hug the cashier! LOL :cuddle

At Gothic- I've tried screaming "back at him" and he just screams more lol.. I don't bite or hit him, but I know what you mean.  We do give him a swat on the backside every now and again, but with his diaper he just laughs at us!      He was in a therapy program called First Steps, but every time they've been here they have nothing to suggest...he's hitting all his milestones!  I guess I'm very lucky in that respect.

MooseMom- I think he has trouble communicating some things, like when he wants to eat, or when he is trying to put blocks together and can't quite get it right... I know that's out of frustration, but I pick up on it as I watch him, and ask him is this what you want?  He will then say yeah, or walk with me to the object...but he screams I think to just hear the sound of his own voice...but it's ear piercing!   When I tell him "no" or "please stop, you could get hurt", he'll stop what he's doing, but he will YELL at me... I think that's the testing part of it...you're right though, kids are strange ...,Carson has a fascination with our garbage can now...he's been acting more like a puppy than a kid

I've even tried sign language with him, and he knows a few signs, but he still screams at us.  I am worried about the ADHD, he's constantly going going going!  I guess I'm just going to have to attempt more learning games, using verbal cues, and more signs...

[Annig83]

Moosemom- As a Preemie, we had to be careful not to "sensory overload" him as well, it was amazing how fast he would start crying, and ball up in the NICU with us if too much was going on.  We're still careful about this, but it appears that loud noises don't bother him anymore thank goodness!  Just wanted to let you know also, I have so much respect for the parents of an Autistic child.  When I worked with these children as their case manager, it was tough but rewarding for me... I was amazed at how much patience and love the parents had for their kids, but it was so difficult for them to continue doing the same routines over and over again! 

[gothiclovemonkey]

was your sons skin as delicate as mine? poor thing... they wouldnt let me touch him for a few weeks when he was born. And he was too small for an incubator so they put him in a tiny plastic box, wrapped in bubble wrap and a heat lamp on him. he wore sun glasses too lol

[Annig83]

Gothic- No, my son had only one issue and that was anemia, he had one blood transfusion.  He was on a breathing tube for only the first 24 hours and then he was off of it till he left the NICU.  It's crazy isn't it?  How one more week changes everything?  The doctors gave him steroids in-utero so his lungs would be more prepared for outside the womb. 

However, he has had 2 hernia repairs (one at 5 months, and one just in February)  He had his appendix out in February too.  I guess it wasn't formed right and it burst on his first birthday!  (Happy Birthday!! )  He had two abscess in his stomach and that had to be drained in December at Riley's down here in Indy.  He's gone through a lot, but as you can see, he's fiesty as ever!

Does your little guy have any issues?  When you said he is behind, do you mean physically?

[gothiclovemonkey]

aww poor dude!
they did that shot thing for my son as well, and it seemed to work!
the only thing jareths really had to have done was eye surgery.
hes behind physically,  hes very bright, just behind.  when he was 5 they said he was more like a 3 year old, hes slowly getting closer to what hes 'supposed' to be though. hes talking fairly well now, but his little body ... he cant ride a bike, he has a funky walk, hes very clumsy... hes only 40 lbs and can still wear 12 mos around his waist, but his legs are too long for that! (so hard to find clothes for him!!!!!!) He gets p/t and o/t at school. hes in special classes, and he has special i.e.p. at school.
before he was school aged, pt and ot came to our home.
He will be 8 in may and he still throws fits like the terrible twos... thankfully i have serious patience... otherwise i think id go nuts! my family cant handle it, and they werent around him for most of his life. i just moved back home last year, hes not nearly as hyper and frustrated as he was before we started the aderol. (i did not want to give him anything, but the doctors, and school thought it would be best and i have to admit it did make him A LOT calmer!!! even though he is still pretty darn extreme sometimes...)
he really does respond well to me throwing a fit right back at him, although now its more embarrassing for him, but it shows him that is what he is doing and it looks silly.

i love riley!!! Thats where i was when i had my first surgery when i was 9, they were great!!

[MooseMom]

Does Carson exhibit these behaviours around other people or just toward you?  Does he scream or bite away from home?

What do you think might happen if you ignored the screaming and biting for a trial period of, say, a week?  Might be worth a try.

[okarol]

Jenna had a speech and language delay and also would scream. We finally found out she was trying to communicate but could not articulate. Language is really beginning at that age and it can be very frustrating. A good speech therapist gave us help in learning how to help Jenna.

[cariad]

It sounds like he's frustrated because he's in pain from the teething - that's probably not the whole answer, but it may be contributing. Have you ever used Hyland's teething tablets? I always found them quite effective.

Perhaps you are overstimulating him? It does sound like frustration, especially the slapping. Perhaps you are actually giving him too much attention. (I know - damned if you do, damned if you don't).

My second child was about the angriest baby I've ever encountered, with good reason. I worried about him constantly. I would say that anything resembling discipline probably won't work terribly well until he's at least 2, but probably closer to 3. I think the screaming you should try to ignore. The biting and hitting should both be consistently met with a consequence (the time out) because he needs to know that that is a special kind of bad behaviour that is more serious. Although, when my first boy was in the 18 month - 3 year room at his daycare, biting was a constant problem, and most of those kids had no behavioural issues, it just seems to be a developmental stage. My first son never bit another child, he would, however, get really angry and bite himself, which was disturbing. I got advice on how to deal with it, but he just outgrew it on his own. By three, he was described by a teacher as "the most emotionally stable 3-year-old I've ever seen".

Your son is still a baby, and he is probably just going through a difficult phase. My five-year-old - the defiant baby - is now a delight to be around the majority of the time. It is so hard when you are going through it, though, but try to project a calm and collected attitude. You do not want to give him an emotional reaction if you can at all avoid it.

GLM, that's so cool about how you handle this with your son. My mother loves to tell the story about how her younger sister (barely a year younger) bit her once when my mother was about 4. Their mom bit her sister back and she never did it again. My grandmother was one of the sweetest people you could ever meet, so I cannot even picture it, but it got my aunt's attention. My mother also said that when they were really naughty their mother would put a drop of tabasco on their tongue. I could never do that (do not want them to associate a food with discipline) although for my kids if I could somehow force them to eat a brussel sprout that would probably be a much scarier consequence to them.

Good luck, Annig, and also to the rest of you moms (and dads!)

[Annig83]

MooseMom- He exhibits the screaming around others, and mostly I believe it's out of excitement during play, but he has never once bit, or hit anyone else, besides me and his father. He hasn't hit me in public...yet.  And surprisingly, today, he screamed in public at his doctor and the nurse said he's acting perfectly "normal", it appears I have a very verbal child, and that he's communicating fine...she didn't notice anything "out of sorts" thus far with him.... he also got his 15 month shots today...after the screaming from that...he's been much calmer, and I hate to say it, but it's been nice to have a break from the yelling! 

Karol- I'm thinking that may be part of the problem...like he's trying so hard to articulate but just can't get it out yet. 

Cariad- I know his teeth are bothering him some...he pulls on his ears and points to his mouth a lot.  There's only so much Tylenol you can give him!  I have tried the teething tablets, and they don't seem to work very well for him now...they did when he was a lot smaller.  I think I may be more worried when I shouldn't be.  Some of my friends with children have the same issues, just not as severe... but they all have girls! LOL .  I think the change has just been a lot for me, I used to have such a sweet, huggable little guy, and all of a sudden within a month he has been so aggressive and irritable... I wonder if he is going through the terrible 2's early?  It's hard to tell when all your doctors keep telling you that as a preemie he's going to be behind... but lately he's been advanced in everything he's been doing!  I'm so confused!?   

I will attempt the ignoring and let you know how that goes...just hope my neighbors don't complain too much

[MooseMom]

I find it very difficult to tell people, "Oh, you're worrying for nothing; everything is going to be fine," because in my case, it turned out that I WASN'T worrying for nothing and no, everything wasn't fine.  So, I can't bring myself to just dismiss your concerns.  But it is very hard to know what is "normal" and what is not, especially when your child is so young.  You are still getting to know him.

Children don't all develop at the same rate.  If he is hitting those milestones, and if he seems to be engaged and at least attempting to communicate and WANTS to communicate, then I don't suspect that you have something major to worry about.  Let's face it; young children can be really irritating! 

I was an only child, and my son was only the second baby I'd held in my entire life.  I had NO experience with children, but even a novice like me could tell that something wasn't quite right with his communication skill development.  If MY gut instinct was correct, then I'd bet yours is, too, and if in your gut you think his behaviour is a sign of something very wrong, like I said before, you're probably right.  But I don't get the impression that you really believe this. 

Like a lot of males, he may just really like the sound of his own voice.  LOL!  Hence, the screaming.  haha!

[Annig83]

Oh MooseMom you're the best!!   Yes, young children are irritating, but I LOVE HIM TO DEATH! LOL

I'm more concerned with the loudness and what he's trying to communicate than thinking there is something really wrong.  Since he saw the the nurse today and she saw his behaviors and kind of reassured me that it was okay, I'm not nearly as concerned as I was when I first posted last night.  I appreciate all the feedback because it has helped me look back to when I worked and to look for some of the behaviors those kids had, and I can kind of compare notes... I think I may just have an overactive child at this time in his life?   

[MooseMom]

I'm glad that you are not concerned that there is something really wrong.  I found that I could tolerate just about any sort of behaviour from my kid if I knew it was "normal".  I was so happy for "normal"!

Remember that this phase will not last forever.  I'm sure he won't still be screaming when he's 16 years old, at least I hope not!  When he's 16, you'll probably wish your biggest problem was one of verbal volume.  haha!  This may be one of those cases where parental patience is called for...and earplugs.

I find language development to be a fascinating topic, so please forgive me if I'm asking too many questions.  I've always been interested in language, so it was very ironic that my own kid had language difficulties, but I think my interest in the subject helped me to help him.  Getting back to the screaming, try to ascertain what it really means.  If you think he is trying to be irritating, then ignoring it may stop it.  If you think he is just trying to get attention, then ignoring him when he screams but acknowledging him when he speaks in a quieter tone may clue him in that his little game will not work.  But screaming CAN mean something; it's just trying to figure out what!  And it is entirely possible that he just finds it to be fun. 

If you DO figure out what it means, please be sure to let us know.  Kids can be fascinating because they are so unique.  I'm still learning about mine!  I don't think a parent ever stops learning about her child.  I never dared hope that my son would have anything resembling a normal life, but he's just passed his driving test and finished college in the UK, so you see, I'm still learning.

Having a young child is challenging at the best of times, but this along with CKD is definitely a challenge.  Sometimes worry over one's own situation can spill over into other areas.

[gothiclovemonkey]

GLM, that's so cool about how you handle this with your son. My mother loves to tell the story about how her younger sister (barely a year younger) bit her once when my mother was about 4. Their mom bit her sister back and she never did it again. My grandmother was one of the sweetest people you could ever meet, so I cannot even picture it, but it got my aunt's attention. My mother also said that when they were really naughty their mother would put a drop of tabasco on their tongue. I could never do that (do not want them to associate a food with discipline) although for my kids if I could somehow force them to eat a brussel sprout that would probably be a much scarier consequence to them.

Good luck, Annig, and also to the rest of you moms (and dads!)

haha when my son uses ... really ...really foul language i will spray his tongue with vinegar...
Soap is actually illegal now, so i went with vinegar and it works for the most part. When me son says something really nasty I will say do you want vinegar he stops... Right now hes going thru a phase of repeating things over and over and over, and its usually not the best thing to even say once ( like "fart" idk why kids find that word so hilarious but they do! he will continue saying it over and over, so i also use the vinegar threat with that, and he stops)
hot sauce is where i got the vinegar idea, but i didnt want him to hurt.

[lainiepop]

Hi, my son is now 4 but i remember the toughest time was from about 15mths to 2 years then it got better, especially when he improved his communication skills. A lot of his behaviour i think stemmed from the fact he was fustrated about not being able to tell us what he wanted and was thinking. Oh and he's just a boy, i think they need to come with a mute button lol! My 8mth old is a girl, im hoping for a bit more peace with her lol! And she is already way more chilled. I feel u with the fatigue, Elena sleeps so well un til half 8 some morns, Andrew is up at 6 and sometimes 5x a night. My dh gets up with him but im hoping after transplant (in 8 wks!) i'll have a bit more energy to keep up with him! Marie x

[Cordelia]

My son is Autistic. He had speech and language delays but he had an inner ear problem also. Perhaps your son is in severe pain and this is his way of communicating it. I say this because my son who is now 11 yrs old was diagnosed with Autism at the age of 7. He had severe, and I mean, severe temper tantrums when he was little. I think a lot of the reason why the severe tantrums was a combination of his Autism and the fact that he had chronic ear infections and he was in so much pain. He would have an ear infection every other month til he had the tubes put in. Eventually, he had his tonsils removed too and a partial adnoidectomy.

My son was extremely loud and screamed and shouted too. God forbid I ever raised my voice cuz then he'd put his hands over his ears in a hurry and complain that I was too loud. Even if I cranked the music he would say the same thing that it was too loud.

[Annig83]

My son must have ESP because he's gotten so much better since I posted this.  No ear infections, or sensitivty to noises, he's doing much better overall.  I changed up his routine a little bit, and so far it seems to be working.  He still screams, but he isn't biting or hitting.  Lately, it seems he is only screaming when he is playing and getting excited.   I've been doing some sign language with him and although he doesn't do them back, just talking and signing with him seems to be helping him.     Thank you all for the support and ideas.  I will keep you posted and let you know if anything changes!

[gothiclovemonkey]

about the screaming,
my idea of screaming and yours may be different, but my son, who is almost 8, still very very very loud. He gets excited, he squeals in this god awful high pitch that makes u want to hurt something lol he gets mad, he growls or squeals as described above.... he can sometimes be having a very normal convo, all of the sudden, he gets so loud that u wish children muzzles were legal... i have to tell him often to use his 'indoor" voice, it usually helps for about 2.4 seconds.
ive had his hearing tested, hes not deaf, but he acts like he cant hear half the time, and talks so loud, (my bf is partially deaf and he too is loud) i am not.... im very soft spoken, so i think im like, hypersensitive to it or something lol