New to IHD

[Skunkgirl]

I am 36 female in AZ, I recently started CAMD in Dec 2011. I was diagnosed in May 2011 with ESKD I was shocked and confused because none of my previous providers had addressed kidney health or concerns prior to that.

I have an eight year old child and was devastated when I was given the news. Only the worst was going through my mind. Along with my kidney issues I am having other health issues.

I am having many conflicts with the dialysis and feel tied to this pole, but I do realize this is the better option for my situation instead of going to a center. 

[willowtreewren]

 

Hi, Skunkgirl. We had plenty of warning (years and years) that dialysis was in the future, but it was STILL a shock when the time came.

 

You'll find so much support and useful information here. Read through the threads, especially those on PD for tips.

Aleta

[Joe]

Hi there skunkgirl, and    As willowtreewren said, few of us were ready for the final shift over to dialysis, but we move on. Do read through the forums and ask any questions you have. I'm sure someone here can answer just about anything.

[Chris]

Hi there, kinda understand multiple health issues myself.


You know this is going to happen, but I'll be the frst to ask. How did you come up with the name?


Aerospace manufactures I know are there unless your up north.

[billybags]

Skunkgir, welcome to IHD.  Do you mean you are on CAPD ? What are the issues you are having?

[Poppylicious]

  Skunkgirl!

[Traveller1947]

Welcome, Skunkgirl!  So hard to have multiple health issues and then have to add dialysis to the mix.  You've come to the right place for support and information, though, and a few laughs too.  Tell us more about yourself and your daughter.  Wishing you all the best...

[looneytunes]

Hello Skunkgirl and I also welcome you to IHD!  You've found a great place to come for education, support and just a little fun.  BTW...this time of year, the skunks are really out and about in my part of the world! 

[Skunkgirl]

Thank you all for welcoming me, I am happy I came across this site.

I have used the name Skunkgirl for a while now, I like the smell of skunk when I am on the road I don't know why, and I used to live in a town where there were manu skunks, especially at night you can see them strolling down the road. They enjoy chasing humans for sport and I suspect entertainment

My son is eight and he is so much fun. We deal with the exchanges (PD) as if it were not a big deal, he has no idea how seriious this condition can be. I do not wish to worry him, he is sensitve by nature and do not want to make him worry. We are christian and do not have any fear of death he understands this. I can only be happy when I think that I will be in a much better place soon but, love every second of my battle here.

 I do get down and hate D but I have a beautiful child and grand nieces to live for. I am fortunate to have one of the most amazing spouses in the world. I am blessed to have this man.

I have done a tremendious amount of growing and learning since my diagnoses. There are days I wish the world would go away, there are days I am down. I have come to realize that God has a plan for me and I am not completely sure what it is, I often tell my husband that he gave me this disease to teach him how to deal with things. My husband is still growing in his self-realization and growing with God, as am I. I am not sure how to convey the message but to me this disease has strengthened my faith and I am considering it as a blessing from God above. (but don't get me wrong, I hate dialysis!)

So I continue fighting and being onery, until I figure out what I am meant  to do with this disease. I wish everyone peace and comfort in your own stories.

[MooseMom]

Hello, Skunkgirl, and welcome to IHD.

It is very hard to ask questions of people who you don't know and who don't know you, so my apologies if my queries seem disrespectful.  I promise you that is not my intent.  It's just that whenever I hear people say that this disease has "taught them so much" and has spurred them in growth, I am baffled.  What has having ESRD taught you that you do not think you already knew?  Do you think that it was essential for you to have this horrible illness for you to learn this particular lesson, whatever that may be?

You've said that you tell your husband that your disease, and, hence, your suffering, has a purpose, and that is to teach HIM "how to deal with things."  Do you ever resent having to be his blackboard?  Do you really believe that God has given this illness to you so that your HUSBAND can learn some life lessons?  Is he indeed learning?

How does kidney failure strengthen one's faith?  Faith in what, exactly?  Faith in God's existence?  Faith in His benevolence?  Faith in His plan for you, assuming that He ever lets you know what that plan is? 

I am most eager to hear if you ever find a purpose in such senseless suffering. 

What do you think your young son is learning from your disease?

I have seen posts like yours several times over the years, so please do not feel that I am making you some sort of target.  I'm always curious to know exactly what people mean when they post these sorts of sentiments, and I'd actually be grateful if you could enlighten me. 

I personally would be enraged and horribly offended if God decided that I was such a rotten or stupid or thoughtless human being that I needed to have the horror of renal failure to teach me to be a better person on this Earth.  I truly, truly hope that God does not have His hand in this.  I don't want to think that God would purposely inflict this sort of harm on me and on my family so that we might "learn" some cosmic, mysterious lesson.

Thank you very much for any thoughts you may have.  I hope God will protect us all from further lessons.

[big777bill]

 I really don't feel that God gives us suffering to expand our knowledge of Him. I do think that He will use that illness or suffering to help us to rely on Him more than we've ever had to before or to help us to get closer to Him.  It's trying to get something good out of something very bad. The rain falls on the just and the unjust- everyone has an equal opportunity to suffer or not suffer. I would rather suffer with God in my corner than suffer alone. We see things on this side vaguely on the other side it will all become clear. We try to reason out everything when some of the time there is no reason. That's why we trust in our God.
 Skunkgirl welcome to IHD, there is a ton of knowledge on here to help you, don't be afraid to ask. Our political and religious views vary as they do where ever you go. There are many loving , caring people who would bend over backwards to help you through this terrible disease. God Bless you and your family, Bill

[Traveller1947]

Well said, Bill!

[Razman]

  Thanks for the response Bill,   I hope that Skunkgirl will realize that there are many of us that understand her words of faith because we also trust that God is in control and I hope that she will  come back and visit often.   The whole  reason that we are here as group is because we can talk about our feelings , ask any question or  state our disagreement but we know that there is always support as we face the challenges.

[lmunchkin]

Welcome Skunkgirl.  I agree this can be so darn scary, but we will help you through all this.  You are definately not alone. Lots of good well meaning people here to help!

Again Welcome & God Bless,
lmunchkin
 

[Skunkgirl]

THank you all, I have finally been able to sit down and respond.

Moosmom, I appreciate your questions and respond with mirrored sincerity. I have already made my mind that I am not suffering nor is my family with this disease, that is the most important thing to realize. I have been through real suffering in my life and this is a stroll for me. I have unbelievable strength.

I am not foolish enough to blame anyone or God for my disease, I blame only myself. My ESKD is mainly due to years of diabetes and high blood pressure. With that being said I am only grateful that I have God with me at this point in my life. At the time I was diagnosed, my body was at the breaking point to the extent that the drs say I may have had a mini stroke.

As far as the faith issue goes, as I had stated I do not know how to convey the messege and that is the best I can do. For that I apologize, I only have my testamony that is something that you will either have to seek for yourself or believe other people and wish the best for them as they wish for you.

I would hope my son is learing not to lie down and play the victim during adversity, I hope he learns that death is the most certain part of life, I hope he is learning to love God even more. Most of all, I hope he learns that I (his mother) lived and loved with all her heart everyday of the beautiful life God blessed her with.

I want thank you for your questions and I hope you are doing well.

[MooseMom]

Thank you so much for your lovely and thoughtful reply.  Your son is lucky to have such a good teacher in his mom! I look forward to reading many more posts from you.