Care partner doesn't care....

[RichardMEL]

Hi Cattlekid, I really hope hubby didn't just make an effort for a few days then fall back to old habits. I'm not saying you should expect him to be a changed man overnight but to take up more of a role like he should as a *partner* to help out and keep it going at a consistent rule would be really good. I hope so anyway!

[cattlekid]

Sorry Richard, I wish that was the case.  I am getting more fed up by the day.  Today was a perfect example, we were supposed to go to a pig roast at a local bar.  DH got there first as it was sponsored by his men's club as a fundraiser and he wanted to help with setup, etc.  When I got there the place was packed, there was no place to sit much less eat.  I was extra-tired on my way over but went anyhow as I hadn't seen our friends in the club in a while. 

When I arrived, I must have looked tired as DH asked if I was okay.  I said that I was extra-tired and wanted to sit down.  He made NO EFFORT to find me a place to sit, much less get me a plate or something to drink.  I'm not Susie Special Snowflake and normally I can fend for myself but if I TELL YOU I'm tired, don't you think you would at least make a half-assed effort to make me more comfortable? 

I'm torn between continuing to do everything for myself or go on general strike.  No one, husband, family or friends seems to understand that I am tired and I can't do everything I normally do.  They all just seem to go on their merry way and leave me in the dust.  I'm happier spending time with my 86-year-old grandmother because at least we move at the same speed.

[olivia]

Sorry to hear you are being neglected, both physically and emotionally. That's crappy. I understand, cause my hubby gets in those moods and ignores me and every thing that needs to be done.
Its like they can walk away from this illness, but we cant, it is in our bodies and we are stuck with it, 24-7.That sucks!

I have been on strike before, and it did work. I would do my own dishes, Cook only what I wanted to eat, eat when I wanted to ( not wait for anyone else) shop only for what I needed, when I needed it. Say no to going places if I was not up to it. Do my own laundry only.
I have learned over the years to become self centered and selfish and I do not feel guilty anymore about that. No one notices or thinks that I am selfish and I get my needs met, rest when needed go where I want, when I want, with whoever I want. I also have a cleaning person come everyother week to clean the bathroom and the floors of the house, costs me $40. ( costs my husband as far as I am concerned ).
So yes we can be independent with a chronic illness.
And when I need to feel my husbands arms around me I sit next to him and cuddle.
And when I really need his help, if I am in the hospital or having a hard time or bad day physically. I tell him that I really, really need his help at this moment. ( sometimes he will try to ignore me, then I call someone else. Or he will say " What do you want me to do about it" then I will tell him what I need him to do or I respond by saying " What do you expect me to do about it by myself" )
This illness  is a daily battle for us and our caretakers.

Hope these tips help, for they have helped both of us.

Take care!
Olivia

[lmunchkin]

Man Kid & Olivia, I'd like to think if our (John & I) roles were reversed, that he would move Heaven & Earth for me. Now Im beginning to wonder.  Olivia, I like the way you think!  You have nothing to feel quilty about.  Kid, maybe striking is your answer!  Just take care of yourself and forget trying to count on other people.  If you take care of your needs only, I think things will be noticed by your husband and others.  Sounds to me that they only have their best interest in mind!  Well, two can play that game, right? Stop doing their chores, and I just bet, it will be noticed!

God Bless,
lmunchkin