Oh geeze, what a week!

Oh, boy I'm glad this week is almost over. Three days in a row (Tue, Wed, Thu) I had so much physical and emotional trauma I thought it might be the end. On Tuesday, I had a good day emotionally because my tech started letting me help with my treatment. But at the end of my run, I passed out from low blood pressure and a heart rate of around 160. I was only out for less than a minute, according to the nurse, but it still took a lot out of me. Wednesday, I had my surgery to put my fistula in, and when that was done, I had a little bit of nausea and some pain in my arm, but about an hour after I got home from the hospital, I felt fine. I decided to go to the evening prayer service at my church, and about fifteen minutes into it, I suddenly felt very nauseous, and as one of my friends was coming over to assist me out of the church to go home and rest, I lost all control of my muscles and collapsed on the floor. I was carried out to the foyer of the church, and one of my fellow church members called 911. I was rushed to the hospital in an ambulance, and it was discovered that my blood sugar was really low (even though I'm not diabetic), and I was having a bad reaction to the anesthetic that I was given during the surgery. I spent about five hours in the ER receiving treatment for the anesthetic reaction and getting my sugar back up. Yesterday started out normally, but I had what would become my worst emotional breakdown when my unit manager "reversed" her decision to let my techs allow me to help with my treatment. I just felt betrayed, and more helpless than ever, and I just sat there in the chair and cried my eyes out while my tech held me and tried to comfort me (she cried a little bit as well because she knew how comfortable helping with my treatment made me). I was taken off the machine early, and sent to the emergency room to talk with a psychiatric nurse. I never considered hurting myself or anything like that, but my nurse talked me into going anyway. Ultimately, my best option is to switch to a centre that allows the kind of treatment I want and what I am comfortable doing. Unfortunately, I still have to wait probably several weeks (or months) to even just switch to a centre that offers in-centre self-care. I honestly don't know if I can make it that long remaining in this centre. I've got to get out of there RIGHT NOW or I really may be driven to do something to myself, WHICH I DO NOT WANT TO HAPPEN. But there seems to be NO WAY OUT except to wait weeks or months for a transfer to the home centre, or even just in-centre self-care. I've mentioned my urgency to many people, but no one seems to have ANY authority to make things go even just a little quicker. I think part of the problem is people are not taking my situation seriously. I CANT TAKE THIS ANYMORE!

Adam