Irrational Fears

[ToddB0130]

Has anyone else developed any irrational fears the longer you've been dealing with your illnesses ?

I have.  I am 47 years old and over the past two years,  I've developed real anxiety about driving.  DRIVING.  Something I've done for nearly thirty years.  In the same car I've had for 15 years (I've never been one to 'keep up with the Jones' .... my car just gets me where I need to go) and having driven that car for nearly 150,000 miles (it's a Honda Accord .... they don't die).

It's crazy and I do talk about it with my psychologist.  My own self diagnosis is that it is all about feeling out of control about my illnesses.  (when the anxiety overcomes me,  my mind is racing about my ability to control my car ....it's not about the crazy drivers around me, etc, etc).  When I last talked to my psychologist about it,  he said much of it is about WHERE I'm driving (i.e.,  I've driven into center city Philadelphia a thousand times,  but I also drive that route when seeing some of my doctors and my kidney transplant team).

I try really hard to overcome it,  but fear it is overwhelming me and I might lose the battle.  I'm not housebound by any means and I do work hard to 'suck it up' .... I have mantras I try to use,  I psych myself up (by looking amy my odometer and telling myself I've never had an accident in 30 years)  ..... but sometimes when it hits,  its nearly paralyzing. 

Friends have been great and understanding.  They'll coome to visit me more and will often drive when we're going some distance.   It's a weird thing and I don't know 'the cure'.  My psychologist says the best thing to do it to keep driving and not let the anxiety beat me.  Instead I sometimes sit herre and think about checking into public transportation, (my family leaves 80 miles away, one way .... so that's really not feasible)

Besides having better health,  my biggest wish is to have a driverr at my beck and call.

Anyone else have a similar irrational fear or any advise on dealing with it ??  THANKS SO MUCH.   I really am so happy to have found this board.

[MooseMom]

I have to say that all of my fears have been very much based in rationality.  I don't need to create any more, thank you very much.

I've always suspected that trauma like chronic illness magnifies your fundamental personality, so if you are by nature an anxious person, chronic illness will probably make you more so.

May I ask...you've alluded to having several illnesses.  Would you mind very much telling us more about what these might be?  CKD is hard enough without having other medical issues to cope with.

[gothiclovemonkey]

i wwould have to agrree that it does cause me to have more "tics" than i used to, could be knowledge, or age, wisdom idk but seems im more of a nutbag than i was a few years ago
forgive my spelling errors and if this make no sense as i am drugged, perhaps i should stop posting heh

[Riki]

I have what I call a paranoid voice, and it lives in my head.  I've only had it for a few years, I think.  I don't remember having it before the last 2 years or so.  It tells me things about the people I love, mostly that they have ulterior motives for the things that they do.   For the most part, I can ignore the voice.  The things that it tells me can sometimes be so ridiculous, it's easy to ignore, but it has gotten me in trouble a few times

[rsudock]

I find the older I get the more I have to lose and in general more scared...but I have always had extreme fear about death!!! I would have episodes as a child and cry and cry to my siblings....I am sure it had to do with ESRD...


xo,
R

[Riki]

Death is something I don't fear.  I don't welcome it either, in case you're wondering..

When it comes to death, the only fear I have is of dying before my parents do. I really don't want them to have to bury me.

[rsudock]

Death is something I don't fear.  I don't welcome it either, in case you're wondering..

When it comes to death, the only fear I have is of dying before my parents do. I really don't want them to have to bury me.

My mom has a life insurance policy....I hate to say this, but she has already planned to cash in on me!

[Cordelia]

Meditation can sometimes help. Breathing slowly, meditating, can really help. I suffered from post-traumatic stress disorder after a car accident and I had a huge fear of driving afterwards for months. My phychologist helped me to overcome my fears by doing breathing excersises.

[texasstyle]

I am not on D, but a caregiver. I did experience the same thing as yourself when I was battling through something in my life. The feeling of not being in control. It was horrible. Anxiety was soooo bad. I felt a constant weight of the world. The constant what if's, and not knowing. The horrible feeling of having no control. As a person with kidney failure these mental issues probably feel worse than mine did. When I think of others like you, I wonder how they really feel deep inside. It must be scary. One thing I have learned on my crazy journey through life is that there is only today. And that goes for everybody. As I age, I am coming to terms with the fact that death comes in every life. Anxieties are complicated and sure you have discussed them with your Dr/Physc. Sometimes certain anxieties are panic disorders like maybe you're talking about with the driving. The mind is a mysterious thing huh?   We can't always change things, we can find ways to "manage" them differently.

[kitkatz]

I get the oddest ideas in my head sometimes.

[Riki]

Meditation can sometimes help. Breathing slowly, meditating, can really help. I suffered from post-traumatic stress disorder after a car accident and I had a huge fear of driving afterwards for months. My phychologist helped me to overcome my fears by doing breathing excersises.

My best friend uses breathing and meditation.  She's also suggested yoga to me