HOW TO SURVIVE A HORROR MOVIE

HOW TO SURVIVE A HORROR MOVIE
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* When it appears that you have killed the monster,
NEVER check to see if it's really dead.
* If you find that your house is built upon or near a
cemetery, that was once a church that was used for black
masses, had previous inhabitants who went mad or committed
suicide or died in some horrible fashion, or had inhabitants
who performed necrophilia or satanic practices, move away
immediately.
* Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.
* Do not search the basement, especially if the power has just
gone out.
* As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to
Hell.
* If you find a town which looks deserted, it's probably for
a reason. Take the hint and stay away.
* Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're
sure you know what you are doing.
* If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall
down at least twice, more if you are of the female
persuasion. Also note that, despite the fact that you are
running and the monster is merely shambling along, it's still
moving fast enough to catch up with you.
* Do not keep all your sharpened kitchen knifes in one of
those wooden block thingies on your worksurface.
* When you're searching a house because you think there's
something dangerous there, for God's sake turn the bloody
lights on!
* Never back out of one room into another without looking.
It's always behind you.
* Never, ever, ever turn off the paved road onto a gravel or
dirt road.
* Always make sure that your car has a fresh battery so it
will start immediately in times of crisis.
* Never say that you'll be right back because you won't.
* If anything other than water (blood, thick goo of any
color) comes out of a faucet, do not call a plumber. Leave the
house immediately.
* If, looking in a mirror, you see a figure behind you that
you don't see upon turning around, you see a different room
than the one you are in, you see a figure other than yourself
looking back, or your reflection tells you to get out before
it is too late, proceed to the nearest exit with all speed.
* If you open a door and the room you see is not the room
that should be there, do not explore it. In fact, even if you
close the door and see the correct room after re-opening it,
vacate the house.
* Above all, if you hear background music that is increasing
to a frenzy, run like there is no tomorrow, because the
unimaginable is about to happen!