Feeling really down today

[Melsyboo]

I am the type of person who worries about everything, so I may just be over doing it. I am sure there is a pill for it haha..anyway...My mother has been on dialysis for 9 years now. She has numerous other issues as well. She is pretty much blind, diabetic, and has a very hard time walking. A couple of weeks ago, she said her ear hurt and felt like it was blocked. It no longer hurts at all, but she can't hear! She just seems really down too. She just feels like it is 1 more thing wrong with her. Her vision is practically gone and she says it makes her very unsteady on her feet. She just sits all day long and naps. She used to do daily leg exercises, but hardly does those any longer. She has an appt with her primary dr at the end of this month. I hope they can fix her blocked ear and her hearing is the way it was before. It just sucks that she can't hear so suddenly. I used to call her a few times a day from work, but I can't do that since I have to yell on the phone now. She was doing so well..by that I mean she was pretty much in the same condition she has been for the past few years. I just fear that she is slipping. She said she wants to start having a van or something come pick her up and transport her to and from dialysis. She said the walking is too much for her. My dad takes her now, and he does get inpatient with how slow she is. She feels that going in a wheelchair will be easier on her. I see it as yet another slip..I know she can't go on forever, but these past couple of weeks have just shook me to the core. I want her to hear like normal, so I can call and chat with her. I just want her to at least feel better and not look and sound so defeated. Sorry for the rant..

[CebuShan]

      Hi Melsyboo!
So sorry that things are not going well for your Mom right now. As a patient myself, I can understand her feelings about trying to make things easier for everyone else. When I am having particularly bad days, my husband sometimes gets impatient with me and it just makes me feel worse. Can you go with her to the dr? She may be feeling down enough that she might not tell everything to the dr. It might help if you were there.
Hope your Mom gets to feeling better! And you too!   

[Melsyboo]

Oh she'll tell the dr..I am sure the ear issue is bugging her a lot. My dad goes in with her and he is sure to give the dr all the updates since they last saw her. It just makes me sad to see her like that. I mean she has had it all happen! She even got diagnosed with breast cancer last year! Luckily, it was so early and so small, no chemo or radiation needed..But she has been through a lot. I am grateful she is still here. 9 years is a long time on diaysis and all her numbers are great. I hope she can continue for years to come! My mind just goes into overdrive when a "new" thing pops up..now it's her hearing..hope it passes soon. Thanks for the support and for listening

[MooseMom]

It is a terrible thing to watch someone suffer, especially someone you love.  And yes, with chronic conditions like ESRD, so many weird things just pop up.  It's like that circus act where someone balances plates on the end of a sticks five at a time.  You're just waiting for one to fall.

There are so many people who have multiple problems like your mother.  It always amazes me that they just keep on living one day to the next; it must be so hard to live that way.

[billybags]

Melsyboo, It is so hard to see a loved one go down hill. I bet your mam has been really trying to keep it to-gather for ages. As we get older we tend not to let others know how we feel, especially grown up children because we realize that they have their own lives to live and that they have their own problems.Why add to them. it sounds like you are giving her your love and support, just be there for her. I really hope she gets her hearing sorted out.

[monrein]

It certainly makes sense that you'd be feeling down about all your Mom (and Dad too) are going through.   

[Poppylicious]

My mind just goes into overdrive when a "new" thing pops up.

I know that feeling; even the most minor of things can set my mind spiralling into overdrive.  Could she not get an appointment with her doc a little earlier?  I hope they can sort her hearing out.

*huggles*

[Melsyboo]

Her hearing seems better today..she was able to hear me on the phone..Her main issue, according to her, is her eyesight. She used to be able to see shadows and landmarks in the house, such as the fridge etc. She knew where she was in the house. Now, she can't see them, so she is easily confused and gets lost. Then from standing too long, her legs get extra shaky..so it was a chore getting her to her chair.. She gets up around 1 or 2 am every morning from bed to go into her chair in the living room..so this is when she gets disoriented in the house. I just pray that she can get adjusted with this change in vision soon. If she can't walk anymore I just don't know what we would do. The thought of putting her in a nursing home kills me. I know they have home health aides that can come daily to help her dress and wash. Maybe that is an option to consider. It is all just too much. I still live at home, but I work full time. My father is 70 and deaf..so he can't hear her if she falls! She hasn't fallen in a long time, so that is a good thing, but it just seems lately due to her failed vision she is extra wobbly.

[dale88jr08]

I know exactly how you feel, my dad was on dialysis too. He started it in March 2009 and it just seemed like one thing after another with him after his kidneys failed. I did have to get him a transport wheelchair to take him to and from dialysis, it was so much easier on him and me. They are lightweight and easy to push, you might consider one. After several months, dad got to where he couldn't get in and out of my car, I had to pick him up and put him in my car, it hurt him and me so I had to make the decision to put him on the bus. I still went with him to dialysis, even after putting him in a nursing home, I was still there to be with him, as you are with your mom. The downward spiral continued for dad, he never lost his vision but lost the ability to walk, feed himself, then swallow. I lost my dad last July but he is still in my heart and will be forever.
One thing you might consider is LifeLine so if your mom does fall she could push the button and alert someone, it is a life saver! I got one for my dad and he did have a seizure and fall early one morning, if he didn't have lifeline I probably would have found him later in the afternoon.
 I will pray for your mom and your family. Blessings to you all....

[lmunchkin]

This can be so hard on all the family members!  Watching your spouse, mother, father, child or any loved one deteriorate, is "heart wrenching" to watch!  Just be with them and spend as much time as you can with them!  At least you will have the memories if they should pass!

I know my J's tiime is limited, but I still want to make the times we have together, as "Special" as possible.  And who knows, it could be me to go first, but at least we will have the memories to fall back on! I just want to be thankful for what time is left and to make the most of it.

Im not going to say that I don't feel down sometimes either.  This is a very hard disease to deal with, but we do it, because we care so much about our loved one going through it.  Yes, Im thankful to be healthy, but they do not have that luxury anymore and we must keep them close to our  "hearts" while living and yes, even after they are gone!   

Yea, today you may feel down, but tomorrow is another day!  Praying for strength for you!   

God Bless,

lmunchkin

[Melsyboo]

Thanks for all the support. It really is comforting to know that I am not alone. My mom is in the hospital now. On Thursday when she went to dialysis my dad used a wheelchair to make it easier. Since she has never used one before they asked her what was wrong. When she explained, they suggested she go to the hospital just to check her out. They felt that it was too sudden of a change and better safe than sorry. So they have given her xrays and an MRI. All her blood work and numbers are great. Her dr was there and suggested this may be due to her stopping sensipar. She haf stopped it a few weeks ago due to the cost. We are having a war with her insurance at the moment. The dr was going to get her samples and see if they can work something out.  In the meantime, she has been off of them. Her calcium is high and I guess that can cause the confusion and leg issues. So we'll see whT the MRI and xrays show. Hopefully nothing! it scares me to think she may have had a mini stroke or something. They did an ultrasound also on her legs an found no clots! Yay another plus..so I am trying to hang in there. She is in the best place and I am sure they will get to the bottom of this. Thanks again for all the support!

[Melsyboo]

Quick update. MRI was good! No stroke. So right now we are left with the high calcium and the worsening eyes. She is due to see an eye Dr Monday to see if they can do anything. She is still in the hospital until then.

[CebuShan]

I'm so glad to hear there was no stroke!

Hope you can have a restful weekend.

[lmunchkin]

Oh such good news, Melsyboo!  You are an awesome daughter and I admire you for your concerns in regards to your parents.  Continue to love and Honor them!  I know at times they can be proud and stubborn, but I too am a parent and sometimes get the "powdered butt" syndrome.  Just don't want to put my children through my stuff.  But there are times when I love to have them near when I need them.  I still don't ask them for anything.
That is where the "syndrome" comes in, cause Im the parent and I powdered their butts, not visversa!  LOL

Just continue to be the Angel you are.  Believe me, they love you for it whether they tell you or not!
Hope news continues to be good for them and You!

lmunchkin   

 

[greeneyesinva]

Melsyboo,

Am praying for you and your parents--such trials to be going through. I live at a distance from my parents, who are in their mid-80's (my mom has Parkinson's and my dad is a dialysis patient), and I know how hard it is to try to ensure that the best is done for them and to be there myself so that I know everything they need is available to them. Keep on doing what you are doing...you are a blessing to them, I know.

[rsudock]