How do you do it?....Seriously

[Lillupie]

hi,
 I cant take it anymore. This is driving me crazy. First of all is this stupid diet. Everything is a no-no. Get this my dietictian says its ok to eat McDonalds, which by now i am so sick of, but at home she pretty much wants up to make everything from scratch. Look, I do not work, and now I am starting to see why.
 Look, most people who do work can drive or take themselves to and from work, well not my mother. She is really wearing me out. If i werent on dialysis I could drive me to work a nd earn my own money. She needs me to take her to and from work, to and from the stores, the malls.
 Ok, back to this damn diet. The meat. So I am technically not suspose to eat "pre-packaged" foods because of the damn phos issue, when I pick my mom up from work that is another 50 mile round trip, when I get home, I am too tired to stand up and cook food from scratch. I usually do a mid day drain at this time when I get home, if i have an appointment or something to do before I leave to get my mom. This time it is 6pm, if i cook from scratch and not have "pre-packaged" food or a frozen dinner, i wont get done eating until 7pm and I still have to get ready for bed, set up the damn machine/cycler, take a shower and put curlers in my hair, read to my kid, get her to listen to me and obey me, make sure I get on the cycler on time so that I am done by 6-7am to drive my mom the .5 miles to the bus stop or back all the way to her job, to turn around and get all the way back home at about 8:30-9am the next day, and Im so tired that I dont get up until about 11amish, if i dont have an appointment to get to, which only then give me a few more hours at about 3:45 when I have to drive to pick my mom up again.
 Im sick of cooking, Im sick of doing dilaysis every single day. Im sick of not having any money, and most importantly im sick of my mother not driving.

And here is the kicker. Im getting married in June. SHe has already announced that she is not going to the wedding reception, or if i have a bridal shower because she doesnt like to party, and because my fiance's sister is going to be there and to my mom she is a little kid and wild at 22. Granted she might have a few piercings and tatoos but she has a good head on her shoulders.
my fiance's mom has offered to take my mom shopping but my mom only wants me. She doesnt want any friends whats so ever! Im just tired of the demands. Now i have to get my car fixed because of all the wear and tear driving Miss Daisy.

Thanks for reading,
Lisa

[Pam]

Lisa....about the only advice I can give regarding your mother is just tell her no and be very firm. If you can stick to that little word she may get very upset but I bet she'll find a way to go where she wants. Where there's a will there's a way.
I know the diet is hard and having the energy to cook from scratch is hard. Do you have a crock pot? I throw a bunch of chicken with onions , peppers etc and let it cook. Then I can make chicken and rice or soup . I cook big pots full and freeze it for other meals.I'm diabetic so that makes the diet even worse. DH does not have any diet restrictions so if he doesn't want what I cook, he's on his own and it works pretty good for us. You have to take care of yourself so you can take care of your daughter.
Pam

[jbeany]

 

If I had to cook every night, I'd starve.  I tend to take a night out every other week and cook a bunch of meals at once, then freeze them in single serve tubbies.  At least I have something I'm supposed to eat that way.  I think it's easier to make one big mess, get to chop stuff in bulk, and be done with it for a while.

As for Mom - I'd stage a "vehicular breakdown" when she's not home and waiting for a ride, and see what other options she manages to find.  (Well, okay, that's probably a bit passive-aggressive, but it's tempting!)  Like Pam said - "NO, NO, NO."
She'd really skip her own daughter's wedding?  That's just inexcusable, no matter who is invited.

[Annig83]

How about public transportation?? A bus, a taxi, a bike?!!  If it's a half mile somewhere I'm sure she could get there?..maybe not?  Tell her you simply can't do it anymore, your phys. and mental health are most important!!!!!!  As for the wedding, that is awful.  Just because she doesn't like to "party" doesn't mean she can't be there to support you.  I'd tell her if she wants rides anywhere she needs to come to the wedding, and stop being so unsupportive of her daughters.

[Desert Dancer]

Repeat after me: "No, Mom, it is YOUR responsibility to get yourself to work, not mine. I am exhausted and my health is suffering because you think I was put on this earth to be your chauffeur. I was not." Then hand her the business card of the local taxi company and/or a bus schedule. Sure, she'll probably have a tantrum but - just like with a spoiled child, if she gets nowhere with it she'll stop. I know it's easier said than done, but once you take the first step it gets easier with practice. You've got to value yourself enough to set boundaries because if you don't, no one else will.

Good god, what is it with the families of the people on this board (myself included)? Does anyone here have a loving, supportive family? Anyone?

I second jbeany's suggestion of cooking a bunch of meals all at one time and freezing them. I used to do this and it was great having a month's worth of home-cooked meals that just needed to be pulled out of the freezer and nuked.  You also might want to look into a pressure cooker. Unlike crock pots, with a pressure cooker vegetables stay bright and crisp, meats are fork tender and juicy and everything retains its own flavor rather than blending into one big mush. I just made a mushroom-smothered tri-tip roast last night and it only took about 15 minutes of prep and 14 minutes to cook; if you keep a bunch of onions and such pre-chopped and frozen even the prep time is eliminated.

Having said all that, I'm sorry you find yourself in this position at all. It sucks. 

[Pam]

I just remembered you went to Germany. How did your mother get around while you were gone?
Pam

[tbarrett2533]

I use the crockpot like 300 times a week 
and you want cheap and easy recipes do a google search for "quick and easy crockpot meals" and go crazy reading!!
Hope this helps just a litte 

[rsudock]

Racheal Ray has a new show on Food Network where she cooks dinners for 5 days in one day of cooking. It is pretty cool has she takes all this chicken and then makes it into a soup, casserole, etc...something to look into....

[jbeany]

Yeah, that's what I do.  Instead of cooking 1 pound of burger/ground turkey/vension - I cook 3 or 4 and divide it.  One pound to taco meat.  One pound for a pot of chili, and one pound for a big bisquick impossible cheesebuger pie.  I'll cook off 5 pounds of potatoes - some get mashed, some become soup, some become potato salad.  I'll cook up diced ham at the same time - some for a cheesy noodle casserole, some for the soup, and sometimes some in the potato salad.  It's more efficient in bulk.  (And I know, the suggestions above aren't all renal friendly.  Forgive me - I've already had my transplant!)

[tbarrett2533]

(And I know, the suggestions above aren't all renal friendly.  Forgive me - I've already had my transplant!)

I SO can not wait until I can write this same thing!!!   
 

[RichardMEL]

Lisa,

I can't comment on the mom issue so I won't.

Just on the dialysis and diet issues. I admit I'm a little confused here. You're doing PD - surely that means less restrictions on diet because you're exchanging every x hours, or at least nightly so clearing stuff out.

At any rate, I dislike dieticians and others giving a blanket "NO!" to certain foods as in you can't have - ever (except maybe grapefruits because of interaction with meds, or star fruit which we know is bad mkay).... the way I always viewed the diet was that you need to be mindful of what things have, but practice moderation. So, if I had something that was higher in potassium at lunchtime like something with tomato or chocolate, then have lower foods for the rest of the day - so that over a day the amount of K, or phos or whatever, would be at a reasonable level. And at least with phos, you can take binders, so that if I was having oh, something with cheese (mmmm pizza!) I would take an extra binder.

I'm pretty useless in the kitchen and I live alone, so I can totally relate to the issues of cooking - I really HATE getting the pans out and cooking up stuff for just one, then having 3-4 or more items to wash after - ugh!! What I learned to do, apart from stocking up on like low salt frozen dinners (yes I know, give me a break!) was cook up like a batch of pasta sauce that could last 3-4 serves, and freeze what I didn't use that night. Then it would be there ready to nuke and put on pasta which is always easy and quick to make.

Since my tx I've actually cooked more from scratch because they definitely recommd that, specially when it comes to stuff like vegies, to be sure what's going in (but I mostly use frozen stir fry vegies anyway *blush*) - it's still a pain in the butt but at least I have a better idea what is going in to what I'm eating. Sometimes when out you just don't know, even with something like a burger, that say the lettuce or whatever - how long has it been sitting in the kitchen waiting to be used, how well was it washed, and so on. Still as my antirejection drugs come down to a base level I feel more confident eating out in terms of avoiding bacteria etc.

I guess the "cook from scratch" mantra is so you avoid some of the bad things of frozen dinner type meals - those being salt mostly and I guess preservatives (I think, but could be corrected, that many contain phos and/or potassium) and if you're cooking with fresh ingredients you know what's going in, and you can cook without salt, or a salt substitute like mrs dash or something.

I do understand that point of view, but I think you can work within the limits by exercising some common sense about what you're eating and try and manage over a day the stuff you take in.

I know it's hard, and it's frustrating, and difficult at times. My mantra at times like that has always  been "no pain, no gain" - with the gain obviously being in an overall healthier situation to accept a transplant (the same reason why I walked a lot when I could while on D). Now my pain is mostly over in terms of diet restrictions (I just avoid most salads now, and soft serve ice cream, raw fish and meats and deli stuff that isn't cooked) and I've gained freedom with a good transplant.

Hang in there.