Zach's Mom

[sunrider]

Hello All! I came here hoping to learn how to help my son with his dialysis. He's chronically tired and doesn't seem to want to go to dialysis these days or eat. When he gets off dialysis, he says he feels terrible.

I'm scared. He has a girlfriend of 10 yrs. that puts a wall up between the whole family and our son. Whenever she's home he cancels dialysis to be with her. She doesn't communicate when he's sick so we are always in the dark and always feel like we have to call and check in on him. I dropped in on him last nt. because girlfriend wouldn't be home for 5 hrs. and he was 54 blood sugar and sleeping. He didn't want me to bother with him or eat. I had to insist on checking his blood sugar and only thing he wanted to eat was apple juice and candy bar. I hated buying him it but that's all he would eat. He was kind of mean with his words so after he ate the bar-I just left. (I'm 45 minutes from him.) I work 2 days a week 10 minutes from his house-that's why I happened to stop by.

I must sound so needy here but hopefully someone has a suggestion. He can't get transplant because he smokes and can't seem to give it up-says his girlfriend causes him too much stress. (can't live with but can't live without situation).

[RichardMEL]

Hi there sunrider and welcome,

You are in a difficult position. It seems like your son really isn't interested in looking after himself in terms of his blood sugar, dialysis etc - all of which will compound the more he misses and soon enough he won't be in a state to see his girlfriend - stress or not. Sorry to be so blunt. It must be so hard when his partner seems to want to keep you out when your motivations are soley for the wellbeing of your son.

I wish I knew what to suggest - it seems that you're trying your best to help him as best you can - I suppose at the end of the day if he chooses to not be compliant he is responsible for his actions.

I hope somehow we can help you through this time - and by extension your son (and his gf).

 

RichardMEL, Moderator

[Rerun]

Hi Sunrider.  Welcome to IHD.  Why do women do that.  They immediately shut out the parents.  Must be a control issue she has.  If they are not married, you just butt your way right in there.  See him as much as you can so you don't have any regrets.

Rerun, Moderator     

[Poppylicious]

  sunrider.  I'm sorry you're having to see your son go through this.  It sounds as if neither he nor his girlfriend are coping very well.  At the moment I think you just need to make them both aware that you're always there for them if they need you.  Has the gf always been like this or is it a result of the kidney failure?  If the former, then sod her!  If the latter, perhaps she's just very scared (I'm coming from the partner angle myself) and has no coping mechanisms in place to deal with how she's feeling.  You can only do your best by Zach.  What he then chooses to do is down to him; he's a grown man. 

I hope you all get through this.

*huggles*

[TexanSummer]

I am very new to all this myself, & I am coming in from the wife/caretaker angle.....so if I am out of line, let me know & please please don't take it personally. I hate that you are having to deal with this. I saw where you said...

Whenever she's home he cancels dialysis to be with her. She doesn't communicate when he's sick so we are always in the dark and always feel like we have to call and check in on him.

I don't mean to pry, but how often is she NOT around & why? Does she FULLY understand the need for dialysis? I'm sure that he does, but does she really understand that he could die with out it? I have been reading (& probably WAY too much these days) as much as I can to fully understand what the worst case senarios are....I know that if Charles (hubby) wants something or doesn't want to go to dialysis I have a really hard time telling him "no" because I just want him to be happy, but I have to tell myself that if I cave in & let him have his way, it could hospitalize him or even kill him. If my hubby was to have adverse reactions, or (God forbid) die as a result of something I did or didn't do...I don't think I could live with myself.

I honestly hope that she truely loves him enough to want to learn more about his medical problems & want to help him. I wish the best for you & I hope that you can get through to the both of them.