And so we begin again.....

[kimberlyn50]

Ok, we have made the decision to give Home Hemo w/NxStage a try again.........our training nurse will come to our home for the next few eves to 'hold my hand' so-to-speak.......I want to thank all of you that have given me words of encouragement from your own experiences, it has helped so much as far as my nerves and jitters......not to say 'm not nervous, but we are going to give it that month trial and see if we can overcome it.  The selfish part of me was hoping by boyfriend would decide to go back to the clinic.....but I really have seen how home hemo has made him feel so much better...and that's more important to me.  I'm already feeling I need all of you more than ever, it is such a comforting feeling to know we're not alone in this, and I am so thankful for all of you and am looking forward to growing friendships here.  Who knows, maybe I'll get to a place where I can encourage someone else that comes after me..........talk to you soon......

[boswife]

Sounds like a good decission to me and yur fortunate to have that available  for them to come to you..  Ya know, i bet cha too that you will be a great help either way once ya get it down.......or give it up..lol  You know im just starting our home D training tomorrow, and as of right now, im not even scarred.. Ya know why,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, cause i KNOW it's going to be ups and downs, and im not afraid of that now.  I do want my check off chart though... I really dont want ANY mistakes..lol but im not afraid of them now..  Will be great to hear of your days.  Please let us know...

[kimberlyn50]

Good luck on your training tomorrow!  I LOVED the training, so much to take in, but it will all of a sudden click.  I still have so much to learn, but will embrace it cause its such a feeling of accomplishment.   If I can just get over the cannulation jitters...I think we'll be ok.  I'll be waiting to hear of your experiences.........will be thinking of you!!

[willowtreewren]

 

We are here for support whenever you need it.

Just remember that you ARE going to make mistakes, but that is not the end of the world.

Cannulation jitters are normal, normal, normal. I've been doing this for 2 1/2 years now and I STILL get the jitters every now and then. Especially after a day off. 

Be kind to yourself, though. You are doing a big job and your deserve kudos!

Aleta

[tyefly]

   Yes   keep up the good work....  we are all learning here...

[boswife]

ok, im checken in on you to see how you did today?  Hope to hear from ya cause i REALLY want to know...    I did great in case ya want to know..lol 

[kimberlyn50]

Sad to report..things did not go well.........with the training nurse nearby, I couldn't find his vein........after several attempts, I insisted she take over.....omg.....she had such a difficult time herself........when she finally got both needles in...she said, wow..... this was a tough one.......I decided I'm not ready for this on my own...after watching the pain on my boyfriend face, we decided together that it was time to return to the center, at least for now.  I am unable to take any more time off work for training, or I might lose it, and we cannot afford that to happen.  He will go 3 times a week to the center, they will establish his buttonholes, then we will try again.

I am so disappointed...I really wanted this even though my nerves were shot, but this is the route we will travel for now.  He has a fantastic and healthy fistula, and we hope to keep it that way.  I'm not giving up, but am postponing for now.......not understanding how while I was in training I was 100%; and at home I'm at 10%.......anyways, thats where we are. 
Boswife...so happy to hear your 1st day went well!  I'll look forward to your progress......

Boy, its really hard not to feel like a failure.......but its just I need more training I guess........

[boswife]

oh my gosh do NOT feel like a failure..YOur giving it your all what more can one ask.  I gotta say that even now, i have fleeting moments wishing this werent happening or at least that NEEDLES wernt happening...  I dont know if you saw my post about the issues EVERYONE had with hubbys V.  So, a nurse steped up and started a new needle and i took over from there.  Scarry!!  i'd say so but today was my 3rd on that one and it was completly different than 'fishing' for the other one that was established.  I really think that for us, what happened was that after the first one was established, they had different techs sticking him every time.  HOW in the heck can that keep a nice smooth track..  I was so upset about that and tried hard to change that, but they kept switching and  i had to go through that awful 'trying to learn' while working with a damaged buttonhole.  Im just glad his fistula wasnt damaged.  So, i hope because im the one starting it, i will keep it clean and have smooth sailing.  I know you wanted that too, and that it's not a sure thing by anymeans but i think that at least, with new buttonholes, It's very possible that once the new ones are established, your problem will be solved IF you still want to try for home again.
I hope that instead of feeling 'a failure' you'll take this time and DE stress..  do some of that for me too