not quite NxStage, but getten there

[Bill Peckham]

One down, one to go. The first one is the hardest.

You should be giving yourself a pats on the back, getting those needles in is the biggest barrier to home.

[MooseMom]

Boswife, I think it takes a lot of courage to do what you are doing.  You could have made a different decision.  You could have decided that training for NxStage would have been too much for you...you could have just said "No, thank you."  My husband has already told me that he would do whatever it took except to stick me..he's frightened of hurting me.  I understand that fear, and I'm sure you've felt the same, but you didn't let that fear stop you.

I do hope that Bo will learn to stick himself simply because having that knowledge and that skill will make him feel more secure and in control, and those are important things when you have a chronic illness.

I am going to count on you to give me some tips once I start training, OK?  You have every reason to be extremely proud and happy with what you've accomplished!  I'm really looking forward to reading much more from you!

[looneytunes]

BW...that is a tremendous thing.  Being successful at something you are so dreading but determined to do it and do it well.  Congratulations!   

[boswife]

Well, Bill, i have been patting myself on the back.  Like i said, i had quite a phobia for needles and it took months to over come, so actually 'pushing' that needle into the vein, with stedy hands was huge for me and the biggest part of the being 'home' for sure.  Learning i can handle, work i can handle, but needles, well this is my hurdle.  Im really glad for the weekend, but i also know i will be building up my fears once again over this time so not reall happy about that part of my 'time off'.   

And moosemom, we actually attempted to do this about 8 months ago.  We went in, talked to the trainer for about 10 min, she showed us the needles, and thank the heavens above, hubby said, ya know, i think i'll stick to in center... I was so grateful that i wasnt the one to make that decission. For me, there was no problem with doing all but the needles as well, i just dont want to hurt or harm him so im with your hubby on that one.   I dont know what came over me to offer it again, but i did, and hubby almost leaped for joy and there was no turning back.  Believe me, i woud have been AOK if he had turned down my offer..lol But once again thats only because of the "NEEDLING".  Im not real happy about that part of this, but i was 'over the moon' with excitment when i accomplished the one i did do.  Theres a good 'trainer' (something Moss??) over on that site you mentioned the other day that teaches about how to get over some of those fears of 'self' canulation, and i will someday try them with hubby so just mabie, he will learn to do that part as well...

And looney, yes, it is a tremendous thing ...lol  but REALLY it was so huge for me that i can take this acknolodgement :-). And, I've been wanting to ask you too, do you do hubbys canulation?  It seems last i remember he was using the permacath (sorry im im confusing you).  For a long time i could keep everyones experience seperate but i have read soooooooooooo much latly that im beginning to smoosh them together    I would love to hear more of your expreiences as well..  I know yur busy, i was reading your "have you accomplished anything today" thread, (and responded to it as well ) but when ya got time, i'd love to hear of other stuff i'll be looking forward too..Ha

[looneytunes]

BW:  Yes, I have "stuck" hubby.  He had a fistula put in last March, we finally got the go ahead to use it in August and I learned to cannulate him.  He is visually challenged and the fistula was in his lower right arm (and he is right handed) so his attempts to learn to self-cannulate were awkward (and a little funny)  .   So on day 3 of what training we got, I did it successfully (I had watched the other 2 days) and was successful every time after that during the training.  What caused us problems was the fistula was not properly matured and after a few weeks (during which time we had built buttonholes) the fistula began a steady but sure decline until it failed entirely.  Seems hubby's vascular system is not in very good shape and so we went back to a catheter.  Now he has a graft that was put in Nov 15th and we have the green light to use it beginning next week.  As I have not "stuck" a graft yet, I am going to insist on some training though with what has been called training in the past, I'm going into this with somewhat lowered expectations.  I probably will learn more from IHD and other online resources than I will from our clinic staff.

I am SO proud of you though.  I also have needle issues.  When you are terrified of needles, it takes a lot of courage to offer to do what you are doing.  But, if it will make life better for your hubby, you will overcome all kinds of things.  Just take it one step at a time and you will surprise yourself.  And when you pass one milestone, do something nice for yourself as a little reward.   

[rsudock]

Great job Boswife!!!

[boswife]

Amazing looney, im so glad that at least when you do go to use his graft, you wont have mabie ALL the fears of the first sticking.  Im so glad to have gotton that part over with!!  I think its amazing how you got it right away.  I tell ya, it really matters how they get you to learn.  One said one thing, then i had an hour with another and the way she told me to visualize it did the trick for me..  This is scarry stuff but your right, when you have 'purpose' you can really surprise yourself. 
And......... a little update, i have now accomplished canulating both the A and the V.  On wednesday, they  decided to start a new buttonhole for his V as everyone had a hard time with it so before something bad happened they thought it best.  I was in agreement so they went ahead and got it started.  Today, i had the experience of using a 'sharp' and i am now going to be establishing his buttonhole myself.  Im pretty happy about that but of course i had so many questions about how could 'i' a newbie, establish a buttonhole.  Well, ya just do :-)  It really was easier to slide that sharp in than the blunt though i still cant wait till i can switch.  thanks to all who have encouraged me..  Your wonderful!!  and much apreciated!!!!