What to Teach Your Kids Before They Leave Home

[okarol]

I just read this in the New York Times. When I was on my own at 17 years old I realized how little I knew. I learned, many things the hard way. Some lessons in life are best learned that way.


August 18, 2009, 12:25 pm
What to Teach Your Kids Before They Leave Home
By Lisa Belkin
Illustration by Barry Falls Empty Nest

As you read this, I am helping my son move into his freshman dorm room, 600 miles away.

A few weeks ago, with his departure on my mind, I came across an essay by Sherri, who blogs at Serene Journey, listing “40 Things to Teach My Kids Before They Leave Home.”

It is a good list, filled with practical and whimsical lessons. Many are things I am confident Evan has learned:

    …there is more to cooking and baking than simply opening a can or reheating a meal.

    …how to swim and tread water; these skills could potentially save their life.

    …the importance of reading food labels. Not only to become aware of individual ingredients but to also know the quantities of sugar, additives and types of fats they contain.

    …that there is no such thing as being too polite. You can never say please, thank you or excuse me too often.

    …that friends may come and go but family will always be by their side. Always.

A number of others are things I am pretty sure he knows nothing about, because, well, they aren’t his mother’s strengths either:

    …that it’s important to sort your laundry not only by color, but by fabric type and care instructions.

    …how to grow and care for a plant. This is a relatively easy and inexpensive way to instill responsibility. I’d start with an easy to care for houseplant like an umbrella tree or amaryllis or a potted tomato plant out on the deck.

    …how to do standard maintenance on their cars like change the oil and various filters as well as top up fluids and replace light bulbs.

    …that they can have a lot more fun if they build things from scratch. I’m thinking birdhouses, step stools, go-karts, kites and paper planes.

    …how to tie a variety of knots so whether they are tying up a boat or pulling a car out of a ditch or snowbank they are better armed.

    …how to build a quinzee and survive a night in the cold. (A quinzee is basically a hollowed out mound of snow and are actually quite warm to sleep in!)

Mostly, though, Sherri’s list was filled with things I want my son to learn, and that I wish I knew for certain I had taught him — which I certainly tried to teach him — but which children can’t fully understand until they are out navigating the world on their own:

    …that they can be happy if they choose to be happy.

    …to focus on enjoying what they already have instead of wasting time focusing on what they don’t have.

    …that it’s O.K. to be wrong, as that’s how we learn.

    …to pursue things that are right for them as opposed to blindly following what society says they should do. The road less traveled usually brings the greatest rewards.

    …that if something looks too good to be true it likely is.

    …that the more they become attached to a thought or idea in the future, the greater their disappointment (suffering) will be when it doesn’t play out as planned.

    …that life is short and that they should make the most of each and everyday. They should do things that make them smile, that make them feel alive and energized. Live.

What do you want to make sure to teach your children? What must they learn for themselves?
.........................

[cherpep]

Here are a couple of things I find important to teach my kids:

-- never say the phrase "you have no reason to feel that way".  You cannot tell someone how to feel.  Feelings are real and should not be discounted with such a phrase. 

-- When listening to someone who is upset, it is important to remain calm and help that person through their feelings, help them focus and see their options.  Having 2 emotionally upset people in the conversation is not productive.  Be understanding, but never condescending.

-- putting things into the dishwasher is just as easy as putting them into the sink, and saves work later.

-- placing the toilet paper on the holder is not rocket science, just do it.

[jbeany]

-- placing the toilet paper on the holder is not rocket science, just do it.

I have this sign posted on the bathroom wall at work - "Scientific studies have proven that changing the toilet paper roll does not cause brain damage."

No kids to teach here, but I'm impressed at how many of the things on the list are things my parents taught me before I left the house.

I'm not so sure I learned the houseplant one, though.  Mine are always dying on me!

[Des]

Slamming doors won't work on your boss/boyfriend/mother-inlaw

laundry must be done..... (at least weekly) ..... not just when you have nothing to wear

Having a pet when you are the one looking after it is not so much fun

Banks don't just give you money ..... they keep the money you have EARNED

The car won't fill itself.... you sometimes have to stop at the filling station and have it filled up with fuel with money you EARNED

Staying out late because no-one is telling you to come in at a certain time.... is hell if you have to work/study/clean/cook the next day.

You WILL miss your parents home (even if you think otherwise)...... there you get free laundry/food/cleaning/support

NO school is not a job..... just wait and see

[YLGuy]

Do the right thing.  Especially when nobody is looking. 

[Des]

Health is not guaranteed...... so look after it..

[MIbarra]

I wish my mother-in-law had taught this one to my hubby...

Put the toilet seat down when you're done so your new wife or girlfriend will not fall in during the middle of the night.

[okarol]

I wish my mother-in-law had taught this one to my hubby...

Put the toilet seat down when you're done so your new wife or girlfriend will not fall in during the middle of the night.

I taught my boys!

[Phraxis]

Money. So few young people are prepared for their financial life.

Spend less than you earn.
Compounding, as in compound interest, is one of mankinds most powerful tools. Have it working for you, growing your savings, and not against you increasing your debts.
Balance your checkbook.
Read your investment statements.
All it takes is a $100 per month for 40 years to build a $1.0 million portfolio.
And all it takes is $50 per month in buy the policy that makes your children millionaires.

I am sure there are more principals to be taught to our children.

[Jie]

Oh Not, it should spend more than you earn. Otherwise, our economy will sink... just a kidding.

Best of all, putting money to Roth IRA each year, doing this as youth as possible.

[marti824]

I try very hard to teach my son respect.  It was taught to me by my parents, and I think it is one of life's most precious lessons.  respect for your elders, for your friends, and for yourself the most.  You can't have any kind of relationship with people if you can't have a relationship with yourself.

[okarol]

I have one to add:

Listen more, argue less.

[kitkatz]

Be polite.

[Mizar]

 Always show Respect, to Our Military, Policemen and Firemen. If You think, You won't ever need them. Think again.

[kitkatz]

Patience, a lot, a truck load of patience.

[sarahmanda]

add another one: do the dishes as they get dirty. Or one day your girlfriend (or wife or maid even) will get sick and they'll pile up for a month (which will piss your girlfriend/wife/maid off when she eventually havs to spend an entire day doing just that)

I wish my mother-in-law had taught this one to my hubby...

Put the toilet seat down when you're done so your new wife or girlfriend will not fall in during the middle of the night.

But I got lucky on this one my fiance is the best at remembering to put the seat down...and reminding his friends to do so as well  ...now if only he'd do the dishes

[gothiclovemonkey]

This is a great thread! I love it!

I actually want to teach them a lesson i learned about children, so when they have children, they will know...
I seem to get alot farther with him when I respect him and talk to him, rather than telling him what to do or yelling at him to do something.

[Stoday]

I'll put the seat down when she puts it up!

[MooseMom]

I want my son to know not to EVER tolerate bullying.  EVER.

I want him to learn techniques to help keep him calm in anxiety-ridden situations.  He is autistic and is not amenable to chaos.

[jbeany]

 

Lesson my step-niece hasn't learned, despite all our best efforts....(her dad didn't get custody back until she was 14 - too late to teach this stuff when she was young and impressionable)

There aren't any free rides.  You need to learn to provide for yourself.  Then, if you find someone to share your life with, the two of you can work together.

Getting on welfare is NOT a goal.

No one wants to work with the whiner.  No one cares how hard you work if you make everyone else miserable by whining about it while you do it.

Children are a responsibility, not an entertainment.  If you decide to have them, your parents aren't going to raise them for you while you party.  (So far, this one might have sunk in.  She did a drama queen announcement that she was (falsely) pregnant, and her parents just handed her the brochure for the local adoption agency.) 

If you spend enough time refusing advise and help, no one will give you any when you really need it.  If you had really grown up, you wouldn't have to stomp your feet like a 3 yr old yelling "I do it myself!" and then turn around and cry and beg when you need something.

Being an adult does not mean there aren't any rules.  There are always rules, even if they aren't coming from your parents anymore.

Yes, we know, you shouldn't judge anyone by how they look.  It's a great theory, a wonderful philosophy.  Welcome to the real world.  You won't get a job while wearing ripped up jeans, a wrinkled t-shirt, and multiple piercings.  Deal with it.

Just because your parents have nice things now doesn't mean you are entitled to them as well.  Your parents didn't have two nickels to rub together at 18 either.  They worked and saved their money.  They are willing to help, yes; support you in the style you want to live, no. 

 

[Stoday]

This was written by Shakespere around 1600 and (I think) still valid in the main today. It's part of Hamlet and is Lord Polonius's advice to Laertes on his departure to Paris. I've highlighted a quote that I'm sure everyone is familiar with.

Yet here, Laertes! aboard, aboard, for shame!
The wind sits in the shoulder of your sail,
And you are stay'd for. There; my blessing with thee!
And these few precepts in thy memory
See thou character. Give thy thoughts no tongue,
Nor any unproportioned thought his act.
Be thou familiar, but by no means vulgar.
Those friends thou hast, and their adoption tried,
Grapple them to thy soul with hoops of steel;
But do not dull thy palm with entertainment
Of each new-hatch'd, unfledged comrade. Beware
Of entrance to a quarrel, but being in,
Bear't that the opposed may beware of thee.
Give every man thy ear, but few thy voice;
Take each man's censure, but reserve thy judgment.
Costly thy habit as thy purse can buy,
But not express'd in fancy; rich, not gaudy;
For the apparel oft proclaims the man,
And they in France of the best rank and station
Are of a most select and generous chief in that.
Neither a borrower nor a lender be;
For loan oft loses both itself and friend,
And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry.
This above all: to thine ownself be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
Farewell: my blessing season this in thee!

[Riki]

Hamlet is my favorite Shakespeare play.. *G*

you probably should have highlighted the whole line...

Neither a borrower nor a lender be;
For loan oft loses both itself and friend,
And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry.

Stephen Colbert said something the other night that should ring true to all of us......

"Always be nice to your family.  You never know when you may need one of them to give you a kidney."  *L*

I can agree with that..also, be good to your parents, as you may need to move back home someday.  I moved back home 3 times.  I stayed put the 3rd time.

[rsudock]

it is easy to love someone when things are going well, it is  a lot harder to be in a relationship when things are tough. don't be in a relationship if you can't go through the ups and downs.

learn to fight fair

read the book about the Love Languages

look at problems with a 360 degree view

[Ang]

be polite

treat others as you wish to be treated

[The Lone IT from HM]

One thing I found to be true is children have to have a good grasp on right and wrong by the age of 6, or they have a real hard time learning it later.  Some never do.
After that, we taught both of our,when you do something, you should do the best you can and do it to impress yourself, others will view it by their own measures.
Always stop and evaluate an action before you start if you can.  there are consequences, good and bad for everything you do.  If the reward is worth the risk, and you can pay the price of everything going wrong...take your best shot.
Finally, Life is not "Fair", Life just is.  Fair is an evaluation that depends on what side of the line you are on.