my family has not signed donor card????

[gothiclovemonkey]

I jsut found out today, that my brother and his wife have not signed...
I asked them why......................... My sis in law (who i love but some things she comes up with...) She says, that if u sign ur donor card, and ur like in a coma or something, they will let u die, just so they can have ur organs.....
I dont really think i believe that, but how the hell can u argue with that?
My brother on the other hand, his reason.... i guess in his own little way, makes some sense? He doesnt want to give his parts to random people that MIGHT be rapists or murders or bad people.... (whatever) But said hed be tested for me....
Now... That being said, I am angry, hurt, and yet completely (kind of..) understand some of the reason why they dont want to do it....(or at least im trying to understand it)
So is it true that drs do do that? I have mine signed, and im not even sure they could use anything out of me, lol, but id be willing to let them, and if not, donate me to science....

[MooseMom]

No, doctors don't just let you die so that they can harvest your organs and give them to rapists.   And don't bother arguing; people believe exactly what they want to believe.  But people have the right to do what they please with their organs, as do you.  I'm glad you signed your donor card...good for you!

[BigSky]

Sounds like they are reaching for an excuse because of their fears.  Not much you can do about it.

[jbeany]

Unfortunately, the cases where docs do that sort of thing have happened.  It's not normal, it's not accepted, and it's something that gets them sued, jailed and ends their career entirely.  It's as rare as the "Angel of Death" cases where some sociopath starts killing elderly patients "for their own good."  The media, however, looooooooves these rare cases.  They plaster every last tidbit of horror they can find all over the papers and the tv.  They pay no attention to the 99.99% of cases where everything is done exactly as it should it be, and spend days covering the 0.01% where some idiot did the wrong thing.   

As for not wanting to help a "bad" person - perhaps you should ask him if he thinks it's fair to punish all the good ones, too.  If your organs are donated, they could end up helping 8,9, 10 or more people.  Does he really think each and every one of those people are criminals? 

Or maybe you shouldn't ask.  You can't argue with crazy!

[Rerun]

All you can say to them is "well, I hope you never need an organ, because how can you be willing to take if you are not willing to give".

As for your brother, has he gone to get tested?  Noooooooooo?  All talk.

I bet if one of their "kids" needed a kidney they would be all about pro-organ donation and signing cards.

It depends on which side of the bathroom door you are on ....as to desparation.

[del]

It is a person's own choice if they sign their donor cards - not much we can do about it except gentlyy encourage them. In the 20 years hubby has had kidney failure and been on dialysis there has not been one member of his family or mine who have even offered to be tested for a kidney and neither of us would ever ask.

[RichardMEL]

I agree that it's everyone's choice. I have no idea if my brother and sister (who have tested for me) are consenting organ donors - indeed I should ask them so I know(!). I presume they are, but perhaps I shouldn't assume. As for my extended family, most of who are medical people, I have no idea... and really I don't want to know. I guess we all have to respect others choices - no matter what we think of the stated reasons.

Just on the "rapists" argument... yes it's a "lucky dip" isn't it - but the chances of organs going to deserving people have to be much much higher than of going to someone who is a "bad" person. And of course what's to say that getting a transplant might change the person's point of view on life and reform them?

Really the act of donation should be about giving, not about judging who is going to receive - that's out of our hands - and is essentially random.

I suppose it's like if say one of my lungs goes to a chronic smoker who might continue to smoke even with that gift. While I would think that was stupid and abusing the gift, who am I to tell them how to live (and well, I wouldn't be around anyway!).. we all make our own choices in life. My choice is that I want to do my bit.

Each to their own though. Try to not resent them for their views and decisions - it's so not worth it in my view. It could be fear or just plain ignorance driving the choice. I suppose at least they've made a choice.....

[gothiclovemonkey]

I agree with u all, it is their choices, and i can completely respect that, the only part that really bugs me about it though... kind of... is the fact they have an excuse, why not just say, because i dont want to? why judge, or say well some dr MIGHT kill me off... LOL
Who is to say im any better of a person than some random criminal? (im sure ive done things that would be criminal in someones eyes,,, im sure we all have)

At one time i didnt want to be a donor either, because i feared going on without my organs... weird (im a weird individual) but in my opinon, if some kid needed eyes to see, then id love to know they are seeing the world thru my eyes... Such wonderful things to be seen...

I was angry and hurt mostly because when i asked they got somewhat defensive about it. I can respect a choice, even if its one i dont really agree with... wish more people could be open like that

[RichardMEL]

I think you've sort of answered your own question right there. I'd bet $100 that the excuse is just that, because they don't want to feel judged for their fear, or whatever reason they don't want to sign on for organ donation. Let's face it, as soon as someone says "no way" to something like that, it will be seen in a negayive light by most people - I mean it's not like you're giving up something you'll need, or anything like that, so it could be seen as very selfish, or "why wouldn't you?" and so on. They probably want to avoid a confrontation or whatever. Sort of like when a girl dumps me and says "it's not you, it's me!" to gently put me down rather than saying what they honestly think.... 

Just a thought anyway.

[KICKSTART]

I have often wondered if we were honest , just how many of us even gave 'donor cards' a thought before we became the ones that needed a donor ? If im truthful i didnt, im not going to lie and say oh yeah and i gave blood as well because i didnt.  I honestly think for a lot of people it only becomes an involvement when it involves you. Some people wont do it because of religion, but then again they wouldnt take either. By the way im not going for a transplant and for some illogical reason could not stand donating my eyes . Sorry if it offends but its the truth ! Probably why i wont go on the list eh ?

[Riki]

I didn't know what a transplant was before I got sick, so I can honestly say that I didn't sign a donor card before I needed an organ, but then, legally I wasn't able to either.. *L*

[gothiclovemonkey]

I personally became a donor when i got my first drivers liscense, age 16, but only because i knew a few sick people, who may have benifited, and i was positively dangerous, figured maybe id die and someone could use my parts lol

i dont think not donating makes anyone a bad person, everyone has their own reasons, it just frustrates me when people have silly excuses and then cant hear others opinions about it.
I love this place, because everyone has an opinion, and shares it here... Thats what makes this place special
I love IHD.COM

[RichardMEL]

I have often wondered if we were honest , just how many of us even gave 'donor cards' a thought before we became the ones that needed a donor ? If im truthful i didnt, im not going to lie and say oh yeah and i gave blood as well because i didnt.  I honestly think for a lot of people it only becomes an involvement when it involves you. Some people wont do it because of religion, but then again they wouldnt take either. By the way im not going for a transplant and for some illogical reason could not stand donating my eyes . Sorry if it offends but its the truth ! Probably why i wont go on the list eh ?

I will put my hand up and say that yes, I am one of those people. When it wasn't an issue for me and I wasn't touched by it, it's not something I gave much thought to. Would I have signed a donor card back then? You know I honestly can't say - back before I was diagnosed(early 1990's) there wasn't a hell of a lot of public talk about donation, or education campagns or anything, so I can't say that I was ever exposed to it. I'd also say that back then I was in my early 20's and had that kind of imature mindset wehre probably I wouldn't have considered it - I honestly don't know.

And yes, you're right - having exposure to it, through our own experiences, or those of a friend or family member are the main drivers for a lot of people. I think this is why the education and awareness campaigns need to be improved. I also find a lot of those reality shows help a lot, because they put a human face on it and get people thinking. In the past few years we've had a series on here called "The Gift" which has followed many transplants through the people who have had them, their families, sometimes the donor family etc.. it's definitely helped.

Also a few years back a famous and much loved cricketer died, and he famously donated his organs. Much publicity was made because he was well known and THAT lead to a significant rise in donors signing up. Sad, but true.

This ia very valid point you raise. All I can say is that I am trying to do my bit to raise awareness of this issue - not so much for me - let's face it, hopefully the people I am talking to about this won't be in a situation where they would be donating for *years and years* so it's more a general thing. Obviously my motivation is not purely selfless, but I do think, having lived with this disease and understanding so much more on a personal level the great need, and the great difference a transplant can make, that it is important to get the word out there.

[boswife]

gosh, i wrote back on this yesterday but my computer went weard and it dissapeared before posting... I just wanted to tell you (though now you've gotton so many good 'reasons') that i just this year put that sticker on my licence.(again)  I had it when a teen as it was cool, but then took it off soon after my first licence.  Cant say exactly why, but just that creepy unknown fear of being 'messed' with or let 'go' too soon is i think what keept me from doing it.  It's honest (weard) fears though, so im one who completly understands some or any of the 'why's' that people feel about not doing it.  Even when i did it this year, and with full good reasons  now TO do it, it still sort of gave me the creeps ......as well as pride (go figure) Dunno exactly why i could feel fear at all, but that sticker is staying on now anyway

[Riki]

I don't know about anywhere else, but here, it doesn't matter if you sign the card or put the sticker on your license, or as it is here, put the sticker on the back of your provincial health card, it's your family who makes the final decision if something happens.  So, no matter what it is you want, the decision is out of your hands if the time comes.