Is everyone around me on crazy pills?

[Sunny]

The continuing saga of my potential sister donor:
We had an appointment set to see the surgeon September 7th with a tentative transplant scheduled for September 29th. I was elated.
What did my sister do? she told people she works with she was taking time off to donate a kidney to me (huge accolades all around for her), then she snuck off and got more plastic surgery on her face 1 week prior to our surgeon meeting date.She had to cancel our surgeon meeting because she ended up with a black eye and a large hematoma on her neck from the plastic surgery.Now our surgeon meeting has been pushed forward to Sept 21st to give herself time to heal from this botched hack job plastic surgery. My mother, father and sisters are saying it's no big deal, she'll heal in time for your kidney trasnplant surgery. Don't let it get to you. I think they are on crazy pills. How could anyone think it is okey to sneak and get plastic surgery so close to our kidney transplant and write it off to her co-workers as having to do with the transplant and have the nerve to tell the rest of our family this was the best time for her to get plastic surgery. Is everyone on CRAZY PILLS? Am I the crazy one for not believing this is normal behavior. All of the joy and excitment I should be having about getting a kidney has been taken from me every step of the way.I'm not even allowed to announce the event yet because my sister says she wants to make the announcement, which hasn't happened. I must stay strong;I must stay strong;I must stay strong.

[Dianejt]

 

[MooseMom]

OK, now, I know there are people in the world who want to be the center of attention, but your sister is so way over the top that I think you just may be making all of this up!

[paris]

Sunny, your sister continues to amaze me.  I don't think we would be friends.   You deserve for her to treat this with more respect.  Plastic surgery before donation?  That makes no sense.  Yes, they are all taking crazy pills.  Hold on to your sanity.    Were you adopted?         Lots of hugs and love   

[carol1987]

you are not the crazy one...

[okarol]

Keep your options open, forgive me for saying this, but she might not come through. 

I need to get me some of those crazy pills...

[cariad]

Keep your options open, forgive me for saying this, but she might not come through. 

I need to get me some of those crazy pills...

No kidding on the suggestion to keep your options open, Sunny. Your sister rather reminds me of the girl who just like the attention of getting engaged, but always manages to call the wedding off somehow. I hope I'm wrong. Hang in there. Resist the urge to down a few of those pills yourself.

[Sunny]

      I like the idea I must be adopted. I think I'll go with that idea and run with it. That wouldn't account for the 11 point antigen match with No antibodies against this sister, though.She's a match like a twin.
      I have come to the realization her donating a kidney to me is an attention getter and her way of atonement for her past. And she loves having control over me and my family.It has nothing to do with loving me. I'm just a catalyst for her needs.My husband says hang in there, we are so close.I can almost reach out and touch it, that's how close it is.

[monrein]

Sounds like your sister might NEED some crazy pills to alleviate the craziness she manifests.  All jokes aside, this must be so tough on you...the only possible upside is that she doesn't seem too scared of surgery.   

[MooseMom]

...the only possible upside is that she doesn't seem too scared of surgery.   

Yeah, and maybe that's because she knows she has no intention of going through with it.

[Sunny]

 I need the laughs, so that's what I'm going to do, laugh about it. I've already broken down and cried over the cancelled surgeon appointment this week so what else is there for me to do but laugh. I'm taking a chance I know.I've opened myself wide open for disappointment. Just goes to show how desparate ESRD can make us.

[Desert Dancer]

Sunny, I don't know you or your sister so please forgive me if this statement is over the line. But if she's acting like this BEFORE the transplant, what is she going to do afterwards? You've said that she loves to have control over you and your family; are you sure you want to hand her the ammunition of having 'saved your life'? I will not take a kidney from family members for just this reason. I would never give a person like that standing or say in my life.

[Sunny]

Yes, I have thought long and hard over whether I really want to accept this "gift" from my sister (years, in fact, since that's how long my kidneys have been failing and that's how long I've known she is a twin match). My husband and I have concluded she only has control over us as long as she has say in giving me her kidney. Once the kidney is given, I will make myself free of her manipulations. With my husband's stength and support, I think I can do that. For now, I am at mercy to her whims.And since I am Extremely difficult to match (unless I get the Paris kidney miracle), I am stuck. I am O positive with 96% PRA's. I have been on the cadaver waiting list in the San Fran Bay area for 6 1/2 years. My kidney function is 13% at last check. My transplant hospital says I likely have a total of 10 years waiting because I am hard to match.I will reject most all kidneys of any sort and IVIG treamtment to lower PRA's is sketchy at best for someone like me.This is my best chance at getting a pre-emptive kidney transplant.

[edersham]

Sunny,

I totally agree with your decision. My donor had a domineering sister who tried to stop the transplant plus the next person in line was my ex-wife who is a control freak who was offering so our son wouldn't have to go through it. Had it come to it I would have accepted her kidney, thanked her profusely for the gift and moved on with my life with her having the same amount of effect on my life as she has for the last 20 years (0),  since our son graduated from high school.
Best wishes
Ed

[MooseMom]

I don't mean to be evil and manipulative (well, oh, yes I do ), but what would happen if you oh so accidentally let it unfortunately slip that your sister is so mercifully and thoughtfully giving you a kidney, and the op is going to be on the 21st!  "Oh dear, I am so sorry I let that slip, but I am just so proud that my sister is doing this wonderful thing; she is my hero.  She wanted to tell everyone herself, but I just couldn't contain my pride in her any longer!"

And yeah, once she gives you that kidney, be appreciative and tell everyone what a wonderful sister you have.  Give her all the accolades you can think of, and then get on with your life, done and dusted.

Oh, and if you EVER feel a twinge of guilt about this, remember that your sister is playing WITH YOUR LIFE.  Inexcusable.

[kellyt]

I hate to say it, too, but I agree with Okarol.  Sounds like she already took her "time off" for the "transplant"/nose job.   

When it came time for my 2nd brother to test for me he and his wife went to Vegas.  I'm not 100% sure if it had already been scheduled/planned or if they decided to go before he tested.  Either way it was frustrating for me because I was on a "any day now" to start dialysis and was really hoping to transplant without dialysis.  He didn't do anything wrong, necessarily, it's just that he didn't see the rush the way I saw the rush.  But it all worked out in the end.

Good Luck.  Keep us informed.  I hope you both are able to go through with this transplant very soon.  And BTW, no I don't think you were wrong in thinking she and your parents are crazy!!  I would have been upset, too.   

[Sunny]

Thanks for weighing in everyone. Any thoughts at all from you is very appreciated.