hi, my name is Josie and i live in Australia. im 21 years old and it has been 2years 10 months, 3weeks and 5 days since my brother passed away. he was just a month of his 23rd birthday. i wasnt there with him when he died as i live in Melbourne, Australia and he lived with my mum in Adelaide.
i will never forget the day i got that phone call. all my mother said was that he was gone. it broke my heart and everyday ii wake with the same pain that i felt that morning i heard that my amazing brother Matt had passed.
he was only little, 5ft4, blonde hair, hazel eyes. and weighing a mere 45kg. he was an angry little man, but hey, who isnt when their life revolves around hospitals and restrictions?
he started dialysis when he was 20. he went most days but some days he would do what he liked and not go and drink and smoke. i know he sounds like a bad person who didnt care about his health, but he did go most days until our brother Daniel passed away. he was 4 months off turning 19. he was tall and broad with an amazing sense of humour and so much love to give. he was a massive pain in the butt but what brother isnt. anyhow, Matt stopped caring about himself after Daniel passed away, they were best friends. Matt missed him so much.
I still hate myself for not going over to Adelaide to see Matt when my mother had said he was getting worse. I guess i thought Matt was invincible, after all he had been very sick since being on dialysis. coma's and throwing up blood etc. it was normal to us. i wish i had gone to see him. i hate myself everyday for not going over.
i loved him so much and he was a great person.
my family isnt the kind to say "i love you" to each other, hug or talk about feelings. but when my brothers said they cared for me, i knew they meant it.
my brothers both had an amazing sense of humour, warped and twisted and they were the funniest people i knew.. Daniel wasnt on dialysis. he wasnt even sick, but he would always look after Matt and be there for him. as would i with what i could. i would go to the hospital with him and my mum every second day and stay with him for the whole 4hrs.
i could tell matt hated it but after having a grumble about the nurses screwing things up, he would be happy again. i know i helped him get through things, we were close.
the poor man had so many operations and hospital stays in his life, so i am relieved in a way, that he is no longer in pain, but for my own selfish reasons i still wish he were here.
i came to this site to find some closure and i hope that people will write to me. preferably close to my own age. male or female, on dialysis or just a family member.
please email me at
belitabartel88@hotmail.comthanks
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