Can I Do It All?

[Beth35]

I'm about to start my second stint on dialysis.  I was on dialysis for about five years the first time and my transplant has lasted a little over eleven years.  Things have changed drastically in my life since the first time around. 

After my transplant, my boyfriend of eight years dumped me and I had a hard time finding someone after that so I adopted two children on my own.  Well, now that my kidney is failing, I am a single mom to a four and a five year old.

I am starting to worry about whether I can do it all.  I read this board and hear of people who have to take care of their spouses and I have no one to take care of me and in fact, I have two little people I have to take care of. 

I was not able to work on dialysis the first time as I tried for a bit.  But I was able to take college classes and graduate with honors.  I drove myself to dialysis, although I was weak many times.  My kids will be attending summer camp during the summer and they will go to school all day during the week so I will have time to rest then.  I don't have any family that lives close to me.  Do you think I will be able to do it?  Will I be able to clean the house and do the laundry and stuff?  I'm trying not to get stressed out but it's kind of nerve wracking.

I am also thinking of getting some type of lifeline necklace that I can push if I'm ever in trouble and need help.  I hate to think about it but I want my kids to know what to do if something should happen to me. 

Are there any other single parents here who do dialysis?  At this point in time,  my dad has come to do the lawn work.  I will have to hire someone eventually but I have yet to be approved for disability.  There just seems like so much to do.

Any advice?  Sometimes I just feel so alone.  I keep my feelings to myself because I don't want to cause any stress on my family members. 

[-Lady Noir-]

Beth, i am so sorry to hear of your situation. And the fact you don't want to burden family members is heartbreaking. After everything you have been through.. what an amazing person you are.

I wish you all the best, i wish i could give out advice to soothe your worries, but i'm afraid i can't say anything but i urge you to share your pain with your family. Family, afterall, are family, and that sounds like exactly what you need right now

 

[cariad]

I think you CAN do it, Beth, but can certainly relate to your fears. I had many of the same fears when my husband donated his kidney to me. Since we were both out of commission for quite some time, we struggled with the logistics. Yours will be much trickier, obviously, but I would suggest doing what we did, and be very open with the people around you about what is happening in your life. I have been overwhelmed by the displays of compassion from people that I barely knew before this experience started.

Like you, we have our children (4 and 7) in school full-time. We told their teachers about our situation since it was probably affecting their behaviour. In the early days of my decline, my husband had to leave me alone with both kids (one was a newborn) for weeks at a stretch due to work commitments. I absolutely told my older son what to do in case of emergency. I don't know that he was able to absorb it all, but we practiced dialing '911' with the phone turned off, and I repeatedly told him that he could always go to our neighbors for help, no matter what time of day or night. We hardly knew the neighbors, but did know that they had young grandchildren and were decent people who would not turn away a child in distress.

What really saved us, though, was talking to the parents of my older son's friends. The school where we send the kids is really a strong community, and the response to our hour(s) of need was deeply moving. You must have emergency contacts for the school in case your kids have an issue and you cannot be reached? Would those people be willing to help you in case of emergency after hours? Also, I know it's expensive, but be sure to research options in your area, such as emergency 24-hour daycare (we have this here, though I am very grateful it never came to that with us) and any other resources that your dialysis social worker can find. Go for the lifeline necklace if it will help bring you peace.

As for house cleaning, go easy on yourself. Get the necessities done first as best you can, and then do any extra you can manage. I find starting the hardest part - once i get into a groove, I'm alright.

You seem like such a strong person - adopting children on your own? That is huge! Good luck.

[Rerun]

I'm single with two dogs (not the same I know), but get to know your neighbors.  It is really good for other people to help.  Don't take advantage, but if you have to go to dialysis and your kid is home sick you may need the old lady across the street, or down the block.  When I didn't have family around my neighbors kicked in bless their hearts.  It is still not like family.... but~       Now that I'm on disability I try and help my neighbors....even if it is just pulling up their garbage cans after the truck leaves.



                       

[st789]

Many of us are in similar situation here so you are not alone.  Neighbor suggestion sounds like good.  Take one step as a time.

[jeannea]

You'll do it because you know you have to.  Do your best and let the rest go.  You don't need a perfect house and even young children can pitch in a little.  Planning for time to rest is a good idea.  I'm not a parent but my 13 yr old niece is moving in with me for the summer.  I wear a MedicAlert bracelet and I've talked to her about making sure the EMTs call the number if I'm ill.  I like MedicAlert because it allows you to have all your meds listed plus family and doctor contacts and it doesn't cost too much.  You're a brave woman and I'm thoroughly impressed that you were willing to adopt those kids and take care of them.  Don't be afraid to ask for help from friends.

[FindingNeverland]

What about hiring like a live in nanny to help with the kids and maybe around the house a bit?

[RichardMEL]

Beth I have  a friend who is around the same age as us, she has one child (I think she's 9 right now) an was single for a long time when she started D (she has a steady guy now, in fact I think they're engaged). The point is she was able to do it all. She was doing in-center D, looking after her girl(who grew up quickly!) and working a few casual shifts in a department store a week to help pay the bills. She lived on her own with her daughter. Yes, she had a bit of help from her mother in terms of picking up the girl from school on D days, but other than that she mostly did it on her own.

I think it is possible for sure.

[Jean]

You can!!! Sometimes  you may have to let a few things slide, here and there. But, you can do it. 

[KICKSTART]

Im alone too ..no kids ..well mine are 4 legged and mean as much to me ! Firstly dont be superwoman ! Do the basics , leave what you can. As long as you and the children are eating , have clean clothes etc , the rest can wait. Do a small task , then sit for a while , then do another. Dont try and do it all in one go or one day. Sleep whenever you get chance! An hour in the afternoon can boost your energy to see you through till night time. 

[Quickfeet]

Great advice Kickstart. Try to find ways to be more efficient. Pace yourself. Take on the mountain one step at a time. Remember that feeling overwhelmed is worse than being overloaded. Slow and steady wins the race. It may be hard, but if you can find ways to enjoy the housework you will have more energy. It won't be easy. I will pray for you; and if you don't believe in God, then I wish you good luck as well.