Into an abyss...

[Stoday]

This month has been really bad for me so I reckon it's my turn for a rant. 

I feel as though I'm walking into a deep and dark valley — into an abyss. Soon I shall no longer see even a glimmer of the sun and I'll struggle through gloom for the remainder of my life. MooseMom said she read a book when she felt down — I can't even motivate myself to do that.

Maybe I need to start the big D. Tyefly gives me hope — she got her fistula the same month as me and she seems to be doing well...

[galvo]

Get onto Dialysis, you old coot!

[Rerun]

Stoday, you are feeling dread and that is normal.  I think once your start D, the fear of the unknown will be over.  You will deal with what comes your way and get into a routine and be able to pick up that book.

Make some decisions.  You are in a rut.           

[paris]

I think we all understand the "dark valley" feeling. I have been heading down that path this month. I had a dream the other night and all I can remember is the phrase "impending doom".   Thank goodness for IHD and all the people here.  You are right about Tyefly. She is a great role model and seems to be doing so well.  I don't have any words of wisdom.  Just wanted you to know you aren't alone and we are here for you.   

[MooseMom]

Today can be your day to rant and ours to listen.   Tyefly gives me hope, too!  And books help me up to a point, usually up to when the main character fiinds out she has fsgs and will soon need a transplant.  

When you say this month has been bad for you, what do you mean?  Has something bad happened, or is it just that you feel your health and your mood deteriorating?  If it is the latter, it might be an idea to discuss it with your neph.  I've read posts from so many people here on IHD that reflect this depression as a signal to start D.  It is a huge decision, one that might be made for you.  It's a crossing of the Rubicon, a physical admission that you have an incurable (though NOT untreatable) illness, and that is a difficult admission to make.

I know exactly how you are feeling, and I don't blame you one bit for feeling this way.  Rerun has made some good points.  Once you start D, it will become a part of your life and you will just get on with it.  It won't be easy, but it's amazing the stuff we get used to just because we have to.  But it IS a difficult first step to make.  Full of dread..."dreadful."

[paul.karen]

Well im thinking it could be your pet bird making you feel that way.  Them vultures come with a stigma even though they are pretty in there own way.

Hope you get to feeling yourself soon.  Could be time to start the big D.

[monrein]

   Sorry you're down Stoday.   

[kitkatz]

I have dropped into that pit of despair, but there is light at the end of it all, I know there is, somewhere.

[Mimi]

I think everyone just starting D feels like they are falling into an abyss
and believe me those abyss's are the pits. 
Go on and get on D and I believe  everything will get better.  Your body and mind are reacting to all those toxins.  Listen to me and I haven't even started D yet.  But I have fallen into several abyss's during
my lifetime.

[Stoday]

Thanks for all your kind words. 

I'm feeling my old self again now. It just that in March I had one bad day a week or so but this month it's two or three a week.

I've got a consultation with my neph tomorrow, so I'll be having quite a chat I think.

[paris]

Glad today is better.  Let us know how the "chat" with the neph goes.   

[MooseMom]

I am VERY eager to hear about the big chat tomorrow.  It may well be a life-changing day, hopefully for the better.  You just hang in there.

[looneytunes]

Glad to see you're feeling more like yourself Stoday....hope the chat goes well!