Who will get his kidney?

[cloud393]

I am 40 yrs old and have been on  PD since Feb., 2009.  I've had my cath replaced once & re-positioned once, had 2 abdominal hernias repaired, scar tissue removed and 2 perma-caths inserted to do hemo while everything healed.  I have a brother who is willing to donate which is great but my mother has recently been advised to get on the list.  She is not on dialysis yet but close.  The thing is we both want my brother to  give to the other.  His blood type is O so he can give to either of us.  We are waiting for a call to start the cross match bloodwork.  How do you make such a decision? 

[Wallyz]

If I was in that situation, I would ask my sibling to donate to my mother, so I could make her feel guilty at holidays.  Just kidding.


 This is hard.  I would pray, and seriously consider asking my transplant team to turn down my brother as a potential donor for me for some made up reason.

My thoughts are with you.

[RichardMEL]

gee, though situation.

Perhaps the transplant team should take into account your brother's wishes in the matter. Not a position *I* would want to be in as a potential donor though.

The thing is that the decision may be taken out of everyone's hands by the medical folks for one reason or another. I mean there may be a clearly better match for either you or your mother, or some other medical issue may discount one of you from the process.

I know if you asked your mom she'd insist you have it, because mothers are like that !! However she deserves a life too, and it seems to me that the chances of you getting a donor kidney are perhaps better than hers (due to age - I do not mean to seem offensive with that statement).

I think, if your brother is happy to get tested, let everyone get tested and see what the medical opinion on it is - indeed it may be "easier" to leave the decision to the relatively unbiased medicos - They would all meet and make a decision based on medical pros and cons and that might be easier for all concerned rather than someone thinking they were less preferred than the other.

Of course testing of your brother may reveal some kind of issue that would prohibit donation in any case (this happened with my sister) so it may all be a moot point by the end.

I do not envy this situation.

[okarol]

It's likely that your brother would be a better match for one or the other of you. He needs to get evaluated to see if he is suitable to donate to either one of you. The choice will become clearer, I think, as the process unfolds.

[YLGuy]

I believe okarol is correct.  However, being a parent the choice is clear to me.  There would be NO way I would accept a kidney if one of my children were in need.  If and only if the brother was not a match for the other sibling then I would consider being tested for myself. 

[peleroja]

As I am a person who thinks with her head and not with her heart, logically the kidney should go to the patient who is in the worst shape, as the other one will likely survive on dialysis until another kidney can be found.  Don't know if that helps or not.

[girliekick]

wonder how things r  going, cloud. I hope this is not a choice that has to be made. Pls keep us posted as things develop.  pm me if u want, my transplant road had/has some similar qualities
girl

[cloud393]

My mother just had her eval & bloodwork.  We're still waiting for my brothers.  I'm hoping the match is for mom, that way we don't have to decide.

[paris]

Siblings are usually the best match.  None of my children are a match to me due to antibodies from my pregnancies.   Get thru the evaluations and the choice will be clear.  As a Mom, I know I would want you to get it.  You are fortunate to have such a loving, supportive family.  Keep us updated. This is certainly a hard, emotional situation.        

[cloud393]

Just wanted to update this.  Well, all the tests are done.  My brother is not a match for me but is one for my mom.  The bad news is that she would likely reject him and the doctors fear he may still develop the PKD so they really don't want to take a kidney from him.  Bummer.