The Story of Roger & Sue

Here's one of my all time favorite living kidney donor stories from a friend on a donor listserve:

--- THE STORY OF ROGER & SUE ---

"Yesterday, April 28 would have been our 28th wedding anniversary. We met in 76, married in 78 and lived a pretty great life. Roger had two children from before we met. One was given up to adoption at birth in 71 and the other was from his first marriage in 74. We had three children together. All in all life was great. We knew that he had glumero nepheritis (I can't spell it nor pronounce it) due to genetics and is complicated by many bouts with strep throat) In 94 Roger contracted flesh eating strep in his left leg. He went septic and lost most of his kidney function, as well as injury to the rest of his organs. We never knew as to what extent.

"He came close to losing his leg many times over due to celluitis and lower limb lymphodema. Both of these conditions are extremely painful.

"We contacted the adoption agency to inform his birth son of the medical condition because it is genetic. Let me back up a moment. Roger's brother had a transplant in 81 from a cadaver and is still going strong to this day. His oldest brother just started dialysis this month. All biological children are encouraged to check with their doctors regularly. Fortunately we were able to meet his son and found out that he had a great mom and dad, a brother and sister and a good life. His parents thought we were trying to get a kidney out of him. This was never a question. Roger wouldn't let our children test. I fought with him for many years to let me test but he wouldn't hear of it.

"Finally, after his third heart attack on dialysis (over five years on) I didn't even ask. I went in to the transplant unit and insisted on at least a blood test. This would either end my frustration or encourage my quest. I was as perfect a match as could be expected.

"Roger didn't have too much to say after that. We really had a great relationship, including the arguments. Testing started in 99 and the transplant took place on June 12, 2000. There were many stops and starts because of his health and weight. He also had to stop smoking. He had his last cigarette on June 11 going into the hospital. We both agreed that if he ever rejected the kidney that we were both going to smoke.(lol)

"The transplant doctor put me through the ringer with questions such as: So, you're going to give Roger a kidney and then divorce him? My response was: I know people that divorce and a body part is not in the agreement. His next statement: Well then, after the transplant Roger will leave you. I told him that he really didn't know my husband very well. A bomb couldn't make him leave. I know that the doc was trying to be sure of my intentions but it still insulted me. I loved, liked and enjoyed my Roger.

"The transplant went off with out a hitch. But Roger continued to have many other health issues. He developed diabetes, thyroid disease, high blood pressure, allergies to medications, bleeding ulcers and the surgery only increased the Lower limb Lymphedema to both legs and his scrotum.

"Roger passed away on June 1, 2005 from "something" in between his left lung and the chest cavity. He was not able to breath without a bi-pap machine (he also had sleep apnea). Surgery to find out what it was would have killed him, and biopsy was too thick to get anything out. His only option was to be put on a permanent respirator where he would not be able to speak nor eat or go home with hospice.

"Roger choose hospice. I honored his decision. He came home on Friday night and passed away three days later. The bi-pap they sent him home with was not a powerful as the one in the hospital. He lost consciousness the next day. After a couple of days I made the decision to remove his mask. I asked the hospice nurse if the machine was keeping him alive. She could only say that it was breathing for him. All of our children (except his adopted son), many nieces, nephews brothers sisters and my mom were all around him when I took off the mask.

"A friend from the praise and worship team from church were there also. I asked Brian to pray while I took off the mask. Our youngest daughter was holding his left arm where his fistula was. When Brian said Amen, Roger released the last bit of air in his lungs and our daughter felt his heart stop through the fistula.

"Roger wanted his death to be for God's glory because most of his life he hadn't been saved. I know that he now walks with the Lord and I miss him so.

"Thank you to all on this site to allow me to share our story. We had no regrets."
Sue
(reprinted with permission)

UPDATE: Karol, I would consider it an honor to be able to have our story shared with others. I hope it encourages those going through tough times to hold on.
Just a note to let you know that I am still going forward with life. Our children are doing well too. It goes to prove that a strong family continues strong. We miss him so and are so greatful that we had him for as long as we did. Our latest grandchild was named Bennett Allen after his grandpa Roger Allen. Life goes on. Thanks to the Lord. Sue.

~Karol