grannyM update

[grannyM]

I met with my nep Dr and my blood work is the pits. I am end stage and no buffer zone.  He will set some date for fistula deep in my arm or something and sometype of ultrasound and then my head just went all numb. He was very, very nice and talked slow or my brain was slow. He was explaining the whys and how the kidneys work and  I know his lips were moving but I was thinking about his hair. Crazy!!!!! Something about possible transplant did I have siblings and children.  I was smiling like a zombie, clown, bobble-head ...... Something about the summer weather and I should be mature by Nov.  Mature??  I am 59, or mature because I wasn't crying? What hopsital did I like, like we were planning a vacation. All I could do was look him in the face and say 'Oh, sure. Sounds great. Sign me up!" He will send me booklets and hopsital kits??? I don;t remember it all. I just kept saying "Thanks. Great idea"
He thinks I might make it till spring so I smile and Thank him for that good news and head back to work. I am glad I had to finish my work today, made me keep my emotions controlled.  Now to talk with my husband and later my family.  My husband was very up set when I told him my first blood work results before the nep Dr.
I haven't the emotional-strength to tell him right now.  It wouldn;t change anything so for now will digest this, and wait till the fistula, something he can see and know it is all real. The kids are busy with end of summer fun and getting their children ready to return to school so it is better to wait before I talk with them.  I think I might cry if I looked anyone in the face and spoke about all this right now.  I want to be Calm when I talk about it.
I am thankful the first blood work results came by mail and I found IHD.  I have been reading new and lots of old posts and know there is still life to live. I will just do it differently.  I think reading the posts helped me prepare for the Nep Dr. appointment today. I even had some questions for him from the posts but my brain went numb or should I say "dumb" on me.  Well, I will see more of him I am sure.  Thanks for a place to let it all pour out.  grannyM     Aug 10,2009 ESRD

[MIbarra]

So sorry to hear your bad news.

Perhaps the "mature" part he was talking about was your fistula. It might be mature (or ready to use) by November??? It takes a while after the surgery before they can actually use the fistula for dialysis.

[Rerun]

Do not hide this process from your husband or family.  You don't need to take this all on yourself to process.  They all need to get involved and learn.  Otherwise it will be hard for them to understand why you don't feel like "shopping, taking a walk, swimming, going on a hike"...etc...   

I use to hide taking my medication because I didn't want anyone to know I was ill..... then they just think you are lazy.  Best to be honest from the get-go. 

Just my 

[Jean]

Sorry about the grim news. Get your self a notebook to be used only for your neph visits, and write the questions down as you think of them. Best of luck to you. I will be going down that trail myself soon.

[KICKSTART]

You will get through this ...

[grannyM]

Thanks Rerun and Jean.  I will share with my family, soon. I am working and feeling fine. You cann't 'see' kidney disease so I will learn more myself.  I'll  wait for my fistula date (dr to set up and call me), I wouldn;t be able to hide it from them then.  The more I learn the better I will be able to tell them so they understand.  Since I don't understand it  just now; I will give myself a few days to get my head clear.  Due to our working hours I only see my husband a few minutes a day (15-20 min). When i get hiome he is in bed so I have to get up as he is leaving if I want to see him.  I can tell him come the weekend.  I just didn;t want to dumb it on him as he walks out the door. I will have information and facts already printed off for him.  I was glad I could talk about it here first and I am adjusting too.  I'll be ready come Saturday.

[monrein]

 

[twirl]

read the thread where Rerun goes to dialysis and you will laugh and cry at the same time -
I will try to find it -
you will get used to dialysis -- you will never like it -- but you will be alive -
not an easy life but it is life -- look at things you love in life and be glad you are here --
I hate dialysis but I am alive --
get the cream to help with the pain of the needles if you hate needles -
your IHD family will be here for you and we can help -
we care about you and we understand

[willieandwinnie]

  grannyM. We are all here to help you and to answer any questions you have, we are just a keyboard away. 

[Deanne]

I'm sorry. I know you said your husband isn't very supportive. Are your children more supportive? We're here for you, but do you also have close friends who can give you an in-person hug when you need it?

 

[paris]

GrannyM,  I think we are sisters!  You process things exactly like I do.  Let me take it all in by myself, sit on it and then share with family when I need to or when I am ready.  I prefer to deal with the problems myself.  My husband is Chicken Little "the sky is falling!"  What are we going to do?  How can we afford this? This is horrible!   Then all my energy goes to calming him down, telling him everything is going to be fine and we can get through this.   I need someone to give me comfort and tell me things will be fine.  So, I just hold it in.  And I come here to vent!!   Everyone here understands and gives me great support.  You have to do what ever works best for you and how your family functions.  My kids are all very knowledgeble about the disease and understand how I deal with things. But, I don't want it to be a big focus in their lives. They have their own families and need to just enjoy their lives.   I look forward to sharing more posts with you. And I know members here can be a big help to you.  It is a great community and we care very much about each other.