I see you in a different light.

[glitter]

I can so relate to this thread- most of our healthy friends dropped us the first year- my husbands best friend of 10 years, that he fished with weekly, was so wigged out about the needles he abruptly stopped returning calls and so then the next three years- the rest of my husbands life- he had no fishing buddy. These same buttholes saw his funeral annoucement and CAME to his funeral. I confronted two different couples that even came to the 'after' at my home- they were contrite, but said they just couldn't deal with his issues. I asked them to leave- he died with a broken heart over this- I say f**k 'em,and feed them fish-heads!!

[kellyt]

I do the same.  I just say "Good.  Thanks."   However, people that I haven't seen in a long time and they have no idea that I have kidney disease, much less just received a transplant, I feel compelled to tell them I just got a transplant because I want them to understand why I look the way I look.  I know.  Pathetic on my part, but it's a self esteem problem at this point.   

I was able to read your post before posting, glitter, and I'm with you all the way!      Good for you!

[cherpep]

I have a dear friend who came down with a very serious condition last year.  She became completely withdrawn, and did not want to answer any questions about her condition.  I wanted to be there for her, but she honestly wanted to be left alone.  She very pointedly asked me to stop asking her questions, that she did not want to discuss her condition at all.  So, I just told her I would respect her wishes and not ask, but if she ever wanted to talk, I would be there for her.  She stopped talking to others altogether, and didn't respond to invitations, and asked people to not visit her in her home.  She never let anyone know how she was doing, and just kept to herself.  I didn't know what to do except to leave her alone.  I sent her flowers a couple of times with a note to try and brighten her day.  I would receive a quick thank you - but nothing more.  I saw her at work, so I knew she was OK, but I truly miss my dear friend. 

[cherpep]

Another note regarding my friend - I found myself angry with her, and it was very difficult to overcome.  I tried to not let her know I was angry - she had enough problems, I couldn't weigh her down with MY feelings.   But, from personal experience I know how difficult it could be to inform others, but when I knew they really cared, I thought it was right thing to do.  The anger inside of me seemed irrational, but I couldn't help it.   We have been dear friends and coworkers for 13 years.  I was sick with worry, and a word or two would have helped soooo much, but I felt helpless which turned into anger.  I'm not proud of that. 

I wonder how many of us do this to our family and friends without knowing it?

[greco02]

I am the 'caregiver' and I see what my husband is going through and it is very difficult.  His oldest and dearest friend who is now retired hasn't called in months and months.  My husband has not been dealing with all his medical maladies well and after reading this post it finally occurred to me that by being so negative he is pushing friends away.   His family is very attentive and my husband isn't totally disabled yet so he doesn't need a lot of help.  He gets the help he needs from me and our adult children.  My husbands family all have their own medical issues, business', kids and grandkids, and busy lives.  I don't know where this journey will be taking my partner of 39 years but it is quite possible the people along for the ride will just be the kids and me.   So sad.  Sad for him mostly.